The Day of Love!

Come listen as we share some ideas for how to help your kids and loved ones feel loved and remember how special they are to you this Valentines day!

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Hilary: Welcome to The Parents Place podcast, my name is Hilary Anderson.

Jen: And I'm Jen Daly.

Hilary: And we are excited to be with you today, it is a special day guys, because it is the day of love. It's Valentine's Day and so we decided that on this day we would talk a little bit about the actual holiday and not only about the holidays, but some ideas that you could do with your family and with your children to celebrate this day. I was thinking about it, and I was thinking about myself and so our family, we are not winter people and so we don't necessarily participate in a lot of winter sports at our house. And so, January, February, March those are rough month for us, we kind of just look at the calendar and slowly mark off the days and hope that eventually it'll get sunny again, which you know, does eventually. And so, for us, Valentine's Day is definitely a day to look forward to because it's unique and out of the ordinary and gives us something that's just a little bit extra. And I like having something that's just a little bit extra during these cold and dreary months where we are at. I don't know about you, but it's a needed break from the mundane for us.

Jen: I, may feel differently about Valentine's Day, well, this year, I tried really hard to put up Valentine's Day decorations and things like that. Because before it was just like, oh, another day I have to buy a gift or make sure I'm doing something and, but this year I really tried. You may want to get out of the house, but, I love winter, so it's all right with me, but I did try this year to put things up. We actually kept our Christmas tree up and turned it into a Valentine's Day tree, so it's decorated with all Valentine's, so that’s been fun.

Hilary: Well that is a fun idea, and then you don't have to put down a tree, so it's a win both ways, right?

Jen: That is true, but I'm kind of tired of the tree in my living room, I'm ready for it to be down. But it has been fun.

Hilary: Yeah, come March maybe we’ll have to set it down at this point, that's okay. Unless you've got the green decor and you can just pull that out, right?

Jen: I did contemplate St. Patrick's Day tree, but I'm done with the tree.

Hilary: Well, you know, it's funny because I think you bring up a really common feeling for a lot of people because I know that there's a lot of people that don't like Valentine's Day for lots of different reasons. As you know, it requires that we put in some time and some effort and I know historically it's kind of seen as a holiday that's meant primarily for couples. And if you aren't necessarily in that situation right now, it can be seen as a day that isn't really a day to look forward to.

Jen: It’s a day that reminds you that you're not in a relationship!

Hilary: Yeah, right! So, I know that it's hard for a lot of people and a lot of people just kind of hope that the day comes and goes and they don't have to think too much about it. But I was listening to another individual on social media, and she was talking about how she has made it a goal to kind of switch her mindset on Valentine's Day because you really think about what it's all about and it's all about expressing love and appreciation. And that can be towards anyone, right? And so, she talked about when she was in college, she would give gifts to her roommates and she would leave a special treat for her mailman and the UPS worker and, you know, for the bus driver. And so, I started to think, you know what? That's really what the holiday is about, it doesn't necessarily just have to be with my spouse, but this is a day to celebrate all of the relationships that I have in my life and to show these people that I care about them. And so, I like that, I like thinking about it in that broad way of how can I show kindness and love to everyone around me.

Jen: I agree, I think it's just a mindset that we need to change and I think that's something that we can do within our families of making sure that it's not just mom and dad that are getting recognized on that day. But it is everyone in the family is recognized during the Valentine's Day. I always liked it, my brother in law, he has my sister and her husband they have three kids, they're all girls. And my brother in law was really sweet when it came to Valentine's Day, not only did he buy my sister roses, he would buy each one of the girls a rose as well. And so, or flowers but I liked how he included all of the girls to let them know that he loved them, that they were special and he thought about them as well.

Hilary: Yeah that's really cool! Actually, my son, who's in elementary school he came home from school he's part of their school student council. And so, he came home and he was telling us that next week is Kindness Week at their school. And obviously, that was probably wasn't a coincidence that that that week was planned for the week of Valentine's Day. But I love that they put those two things together. And they have lots of different activities that they're doing as a school to incorporate kindness and they're simple things like their student council is greeting the other students at the door. They're telling them hello for the day, and their advisor has asked that they find ways to help out in the lunchroom, whether that be talking to students that don't have someone to talk to or helping to clean off the tables or picking up garbage when they see it. But they're trying to incorporate ways to be kind, and I thought, it's really cool to remember that, yeah, this is this is a great thing to teach our kids during this month and this holiday is, how can I show that kindness to other people? And Valentine's Day isn't necessarily just about receiving gifts and getting cards with candy on them, but how can I send that back to everybody else in my life?

Jen: I was just talking to my husband and I said, are we doing Valentine's Day this year? Because sometimes it's on, sometimes it's not and he's just like, let's be spontaneous about it, and I'm like, okay. And then I got to thinking, well, mondays are the day that we have his daughter with us so, I’m like spontaneity is out the window we're going to have to do a family thing. So, and it doesn't have to be anything big, it could that be that the three of us just spend time and play to get a game together with no TV, no phone? And we're just spending that time together working on that relationship.

Hilary: Yeah, I think that's where a lot of other holidays have gotten really big and commercial. We can still and not that we can't change that for those holidays, but I think with Valentine's Day it has the luxury that we can still keep it pretty simple and pretty minimal and still have a great day. And so, we don't need to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on our partner or our family like we can do things without leaving the house if needs to be, right? If we want to just hunker down and stay home, there's activities and there's things that we can do to show that within the walls of our own house. And I think that's just as great.

Jen: So, what are some ideas that or what are some things that your family does on Valentine's Day?

Hilary: You know, I remember growing up, one thing that my parents would do and it wasn't anything big, but my mom and dad would buy one of those boxes of chocolates that you've probably seen at the store and they would always slide it in our backpack without us seeing. So, whether they did that the night before or the morning of when we were getting ready and so when we went to school and we opened up our backpack to get our books out, that little box of chocolate was there with a card. And that card always just talked about how much they loved and appreciated in this. And throughout the years, we knew that it was coming, but it still made it just as exciting to know that when we opened up our backpack, that treat was going to be in there. And it was so fun just to have that simple thing to look forward to. And I remember that and, you know, as an adult now, I still remember those feelings that I had when I when I saw that gift. And it's a dollar, that's a glorious thing about it, right? It cost her a dollar and it made a big difference.

Jen: Yeah, we got those little boxes of chocolates as well, so when I was a kid, there was at work they had started this just putting a little hearts on everybody's desk the day, you know, probably the week prior to Valentine's Day. And I really enjoyed that, I mean, it was something simple that we could do for each other at work, but that's something really simple that people could do at home as well and put them on their kids’ doors. All the things that you love about your kids the whole week prior to Valentine's Day. And if you didn't do that this year, you know what? Do it before they get home from school and they come home from school with all these little hearts on their door. And I think that's just a cute, easy way to remind our kids that we love them and what we love about them.

Hilary: I usually, well not usually, every year I have these grand intentions of doing a 14 days of Valentine type experience for my children where I, yeah, do it, do a heart every day and then I'm like, crap, it's February 7th and I haven't done anything. So, what are we supposed to do now? But you're right, it's going to be just as sweet to do that the day or the night before, because you're still expressing those kind words. So, yeah, if you happen to have forgotten, do it anyway. I had one mom that she for her kids, so she does the hearts with the with the cute notes on them, but she cuts out a heart for each child, they have a specific color. And so, and then she put them all over the house, and so the kid's almost like a scavenger hunt type scenario. Where they'll run from room to room and they know that the pink hearts belong to them, so, they run around trying to find all the pink hearts so that they can read the kind words that are that are on that specific color. And I thought, oooh, that kinda, that even makes it more exciting because not only are you sharing this, but turns into a game and all kids love a fun scavenger hunt where they're running around and laughing and looking for things. And so, I thought that was a fun idea that I heard.

Jen: I think another one that I think of is just, you know, we've talked about the five love languages on our podcast before and that applies to kids as well. So, think about your child's love language, do they respond best to gifts? Then you can get them that little box of chocolate? Do they respond best to words of affirmations? Then do the little hearts for them if they respond best to physical touch, make sure that you're hugging them throughout the day and, you know, giving them a pat on the back or sitting next to them while watching a movie or if it's acts of service, maybe you go in and you make their bed that they didn't get made. You know, it may not have been made for three weeks, but you can go in there and make it for ‘em today and if they respond best to quality time, then plan a little time to where it's just the two of them. And I think that's the best way to find out what's going to be most meaningful for them and with our partners as well.

Hilary: Yeah. You know, you said something that sparked a thought because I know for my husband and myself, we've kind of gotten in the habit where we always used to go out on Valentine's Day, we'd go to dinner with every other person on the planet, right? And it's crazy and it's hectic and you wait an hour or two to find a spot at the restaurant and so we've recently decided that we go out the weekend before or we do lunch rather than dinner anyway to kind of avoid the crowds. We do it at a different time and when you talk about quality time, I'm thinking, I should set up some type of activity for each of my kids, and it doesn't necessarily have to be on the Valentine's Day. But maybe I tell my son, hey, and maybe this is a few days before the actual holiday, but hey, you and I are going to go grab some ice cream tonight. This is my treat for Valentine's Day because I want to show you how much I love you and then maybe the next night, when I've got a little bit of extra time, I'll go over to my daughter and say, you know what? Just you and I tonight are going to watch a movie because this is the way that I want to show you that I love and appreciate you. So, I love that we can expand our mindset to think it doesn't just have to be that day. We can find a way to make that happen and not be stressed out to attempt to do it during that 12-hour period of time on the actual holiday. I'll tell you something that my family does in our house because I have one child that definitely gifts is her love language so that that box of chocolate is going to knock your socks off. But I would say the other two are more quality time type kids, and we started that tradition in our house a few years back but we call it our love dinner. And what we do is, pre- dinner I will get us some slips of paper and I will write the different parts of the dinner, so I'll have one slip of paper dessert another one will say drinks, another one will say side dish and my kids will each pick out a slip of paper that tells them what they're in charge of that night. And I'll be in charge of the main dish, so usually I'll provide pizza, but everybody else gets a part of the meal that they're in charge of. And then we head to the store and we let them pick out what they want to contribute based on what their assignment is. And so, what usually happens is we end up with a moj-podge type dinner where we have a lot of things that don't tend to go together as part of a meal. But my kids love it because they get to pick out at the store what they love and sometimes it's the items that usually me as a mom is saying, no, we don't want to buy that, that's ridiculous, that's unhealthy. Right? So, they have free reign and they get to decide, what do I want for my dessert? And so, it's one of their most favorite traditions, I remember one dinner we had pizza with pink pudding, root beer, mozzarella sticks and broccoli, I believe, right? I mean, it doesn't sound like most appetizing dinner, in my opinion, but it was so fun because they got to be a part of that. So, we call that our love dinner because they pick out what they love and what they want to eat. And you know, it's really easy to dye your food red and know a lot of people have done that. Your pancakes, that's an easy thing to do, come up with a fun red drink, there's red sodas and red punch. And so even going to the store and having your kids pick out an item that's red that you can have as part of the meal, I think that that family dinner time turning that into a special event is a pretty simple thing to do, but something that your kids will remember. And the glorious thing is that it's also pretty simple to find a heart cookie cutter, so make some sandwiches and use the cookie cutter to turn it into the shape of a heart or pancakes, and there you go. You've got a themed dinner, and it didn't take a lot of work or effort on your behalf and that's a glorious thing about it.

Jen: And you do it that way, and there's not, a lot of arguing, because it's a fun, cute thing that you don't do all of the time, and so kids are more apt to just participate because of the fact that it's fun. It's out of the normal and you can hopefully sit down and have an, you know, an enjoyable dinner or lunch or whatever you're choosing. But I think those are great ideas and I love that you get your family involved with buying all of those crazy different items for one dinner. It might just have to be something that I try this year.

Hilary: You know, and we think of dinner, especially going out to dinner with our partner, and I know that for a lot of people maybe that's something that you can't afford to do. Maybe it's something that you choose not to do right now because of COVID and I think you can easily make your dinner a special event even with your partner, even with your spouse. You get on the internet and you can search almost every recipe, a copycat recipe of your favorite restaurant. You know, it would be fun to try a recipe that you haven't tried before. see how close you are to the actual restaurant. I have another couple that I know that they always for Valentine's Day, they attempt to duplicate what they had for their first date as their meal, and they went out to just a mom-and-pop type diner and had burgers and then shakes. And so that's what they always have on Valentine's Day, just a way to remember, right? And to make it memorable, I know for myself when my husband and I go out to dinner we eat and then they always bring that dessert menu, and it looks glorious but we're so full that we always pass on the dessert. And so, someone made the suggestion one time for Valentine's Day, just go out and get dessert, you know, get the dessert that you've always wanted to get, but you never do because it doesn't sound good after you've eaten a full meal. And I like that idea of just going out and doing that fancy dessert that you probably otherwise wouldn't have gotten. So just some ideas, maybe that would help with the budget when it comes to going out if you choose to do that with your spouse.

Jen: Or maybe ordering dessert first, and then you eat just a little bit of your dinner and then you have leftovers for the next day. It's a twofer, you got dinner and lunch.

Hilary: You know, I'll share one more thought, but this was something that I wanted to try with my kids this year. I participated in the training and one of the things that they had us do is they had us take individual flowers and pass them out. We were on a college campus, and so they each gave us a bouquet of flowers and they had us just take out each individual flower and give them away to people that we saw walking. And I'll tell you, it seems like something so simple, but it was so much fun to see the reactions of these individuals that you give a flower to. And I remember as I was participating in that exercise thinking to myself, I've got to get my kids here, they would have a blast doing this. But, you know, instead of buying yourself a dozen roses by that dozen roses and then head over to a public area, a park, a campus, like I said somewhere else, there's a lot of people and let your kids just pass out those flowers with a very simple, happy Valentine's Day and wait to see the reactions that they receive from these individuals. I think that that would be a blast and what a good activity to do with kids to just again, teach that and model that kindness component.

Jen: I think that's a great idea, I remember as a kid it wasn't for Valentine's Day, but we delivered papers when we were kids and we always for some reason would stop at 7-Eleven, get a small Slurpee. But there was a flower shop next to it and we always bought my mom a carnation at the flower store. Now, carnation is like a buck or something like that, and they're not the most beautiful flower but my mom was always so appreciative of that flower we brought home to her. So maybe you can't afford that dozen roses on Valentine's Day, but you can afford a dozen carnations and take them out there for those people. You never know the effect it's going to have on that person and how much that may mean to them because they may not have anybody in their life that recognizes them on this day.

Hilary: Yeah, I think it was fun to see the people's reactions because you could tell they felt like a million bucks when we gave them that flower. And I think if we can just change our mindset and help children to understand that you're right, it doesn't have to be something grand and something elaborate. But this is, can be something simple that can make a significant difference and really give you a fun day! A fun day with your family to celebrate this day of love, so hopefully this gave you a few ideas of what you could do for your family, for your children, so that you can enjoy the day.

Jen: And if you're listening to this podcast, it's not the Valentine's Day, definitely just out of the blue do this for, you know, choose your own day of love. You're like that, those are great ideas, don't wait until next year to do them, try them on a different day and people will feel loved and appreciated, which we should be making people feel that way all year around anyways.

Hilary: We have a, we should just start a random act of kindness day, where we can just do random acts to make people feel amazing. And you're right, that can happen on the three hundred and sixty-four days of the year that aren't Valentine's Day. Take your pick of what do you want that to be?

Jen: We thank you so much for joining us today, and we hope that you have gotten a little bit of some ideas of what you can do today, even if you might have not planned on doing anything. Hopefully, there's something simple that you can do. You know, at the very least, tell the people in your life that you love them. If you would like to get a hold of Hillary or myself, you can email us at Parents@TheFamilyPlaceUtah.org. You can get parenting tips twice a week if you text TFP to 33222. Or you can reach me on Facebook at Jen Daly-The Family Place. We hope that you have a day full of love and happiness and that we can be kind to everyone to let them know that they are special. Well, we'll meet you back here next week have a great week.

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