Laughter and Resiliency

What can laughter do for us? During stress, sadness, grief? Come find out about our brains and laughter and how we can use it as a tool!

Listen here:

Can't Listen? Read the Transcription Here:

Hilary: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast, I am Hilary, and I'm going to insert a long pause because Jen is not here with us today. She is on vacation and we're all pretty darn jealous of her, but we hope she has a marvelous time with her family. So, it's just me, myself and I. Although I will say I am not alone. I have two wonderful individuals with me today and I'm going to let them introduce themselves because. They need an introduction as to who they are. So, I’ll let them tell you guys a little bit about who they are and what they do at the office, and then we'll go into our topic for today. Go ahead it.

Laura: My name is Laura Seeger. I work in the therapy department. I'm not a therapist. I don't have any specialty other than I do billing. So, I'm sorry to all you all who deal with me on a regular basis. However, I have an amazing team, so. Yeah.

Crystal: OK, I am, Crystal, I am part of the therapy billing team, but my main job title at the Family Place is an account accord. Its normal accountant, but more magical. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So that's why I get to help Laura because we need a lot more magic in that group.

Laura: It's true. It's true. And there's one other lovely human named Kim was not here because she may or may not have broken her ankle. And we'll talk about that because she gave me permission to talk. I talked to her beforehand because she fits in this topic. She does.

Hilary: I'm really intrigued to see how that plays out.

Laura: I can do anything, but we'll get together. It's going to happen. This is like bucket list, guys. You know, not being on the podcast, you know

Hilary: You know you’ve made it when you enter our closest size podcast room

Laura: Yes, I’m sweating and it is not just cause of the nerves. You know it great! This is a good time

Hilary: Ok, now these ladies are here to talk about something that I'm really excited to share, actually. But I have been I have been requested to start with a joke because it plays into obviously what we're going to talk about. So, you guys do the sound effects, and the drum beats and all the laughter of the laughter ill that I need for it. So ready for this, guys. Why did bicycles fall over?

Laura: Why?

Hilary: Because they're too tired. I know that's a good one. You got your dad down for the day, people. So here is the thing that I like. We've got two lovely individuals from billing. Now I'm going to pull out, the stereotype card.

Laura: Go for it

Crystal: We are ready!

Hilary: I think sometimes, you guys get a reputation for doing what you do, being in the field, you are too. To be, shall I say, a little bit dull, maybe a little bit boring.

Laura: My kids would probably agree with you.

Crystal: Oh, we’ll see!

Hilary: Which I love because our topic today is actually about laughter, which is why you why it's so awesome, the fact that you two are here to talk about this.

Crystal: And we are so excited!

Hilary: Cause you have taken that darn stereotype and are breaking it!

Crystal: But I mean, seriously, account accords, they came up with that on their own. They're hilarious. They're just really introverted. In fact, when we did a presentation at the Family Place and bless his heart, I'm not going to name names, but there's only like five to 10 men in this field of ours. He is in your department. He his joke was, “How do you know if an accountant as an extrovert? And what was his answer?

Laura: He said, “because they look at your shoes instead of, their own” It’s true!

Hilary: It was really, really good.

Crystal: Yeah, yeah. We're throwing them right under the bus there

Laura: We love you!

Hilary: Yes. So, a few weeks ago, Laura was able to present this information to our staff, and obviously she killed it because she's here and we wanted her to be able to.

Laura: It's taken me two years in the middle of this.

Hilary: To present it to our listeners

Laura: I've been begging to be on this podcast, all y'all. Just so you know.

Hilary: So, this is her one chance, guys.

Laura: Yeah, it's probably the end.

Hilary: So, you tell me because we were talking before we officially started, kind of as to the why, why you decided on this topic, why you feel like it's so important. So, I'm going to have you. Sure. What's the why here? OK?

Laura: I'll go. And then you go, OK, yeah, because I know you have your own why and I want to hear. I've been waiting. OK, so I didn't address this topic. But so, one of the main things that I was thinking about and I chose originally, the topic was laughter and resilience. And this is to me, a very serious subject, believe it or not. But. So, anyone that works in the field of trauma knows about the factors for resiliency and April, which it's not April anymore. In fact, it's freaky Friday today, you know? Anyways, so April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, and for anyone that's a parent, you know, it's stressful. It's hard, and the past couple of years have not been the easiest right way. I mean, and you think it's going to get better and then something else happens and you're like, Well, that's interesting. OK, let's turn the news off and listen to my kids’ playlist of all the songs I super hate.

Hilary: Yes, I can take another hour of baby shark, right?

Laura: As long as the poop song doesn't talk about any words anyway. So that's the thing is laughter, if we can laugh, we can survive. It helps us in so many ways. It's, it's if you. Sorry, I'm tripping on my words, but it's so powerful because it affects every part of us physically, emotionally and in our souls. Really, it can bring so much healing and it can just help us through pain. Most importantly, so.

Crystal: Yeah, I really like that, and that's also why it's pretty important to me like I've had, I have depression, anxiety, stuff like that, but what really is awesome is that even like just laughing, you just kind of forget and there's research that goes along with that. laughter is compared to like narcotics, like opioids. And so, having that, it's just almost as good for that few minutes as having medication, which won't work for everyone, of course. But for me, it's been super important to have that laughter and have that kind of little burst of endorphins to keep my day going.

Laura: Yeah, and we're not saying, we're not saying we're professionals and that you should skip out on going, seeing your therapist or your doctor, because both Chris and I will both say we fully support both of that because it's helped us in other aspects of our life. But the reality is, if you can laugh when your kids destroy something instead of scream, you're doing great. You just have a gold medal.

Hilary: You always hear people talk about instead of yelling, Go take the picture right there. I take the picture of the disaster and then deal with the consequences after. But like, take that quick second.

Laura: I mean you can become YouTube famous

Crystal: You know, Charlie bit my finger

Laura: Or the incident with the permanent marker. That one or the lotion one or the cat videos. I mean, come on.

Hilary: Oh, but you know, they talk about like laughter being the best medicine. And obviously there are, you know, there's different. In the medical field, there's obviously different things that we can do, but I love the fact that laughing, which is something that is so simple, something that everyone can do that is free.

Laura: Yeah, exactly.

Hilary: Is like just a good, simple starting point. Everyone can laugh. And you know what? We can all probably laugh a little bit more.

Laura: Yeah, yeah. In fact. So before and I'm going to put a plug. Please forgive me because this is not like just selling here. Well, the podcast is a podcast called But Why? It's it's like it's about kids asking questions. And they had a they did a one on laughter, and it was so, so great because it talked about children and development and how laughter is a part of play. Laughter is a part of that connectedness, and so kids love laughing. They don't understand if it's real or fake. They just want to laugh. They never know if it's an appropriate situation. Last night, in fact, we were watching this show and my son starts laughing with me and my daughter is like, I have no idea why laughing at me still laughing. And it's just OK. Well, let's see you out here. Tell me I have this ability to like uninhibited themselves and that I think that's part of play and that's part of their mindful joy. And I think that's why it's so contagious when kids are happy. Like, my favorite song in the whole world is my children's laughter, and they're like, I can have the worst day in the whole world if I hear my son of my daughter giggling, I just like, the world is going to be OK.

Hilary: Yeah, it's true. I have a daughter that's very shy and very introverted, and it takes a bit to crack her little shell. But when she does, she comes out with this like gut busting laugh and like, I love everyone smile and she pulls that bad boy out. I'm like, oh yeah, keep on going sweetie.

Laura: Because it's healing. It's like, Wow, this kid is just so it's their pure personality. They're just feeling in the moment, so it's really cool. And then when they start screaming later, you're like, Oh, it's like when you think of them sleeping, you know, it's like they're adorable in their sleep. So, I think it's true. There's nothing cuter than a child sleeping unless it's a child sleeping with their puppy.

Hilary: Oh, I don't know. They're more adorable sitting with their puppy than they are in my bed.

Laura: So, I think that amen and hallelujah. Amen. Yes, I feel that pain.

Hilary: Oh gosh. So, I know you ladies both touched on it, but I want to hear more about some of the benefits. Physical benefits, emotional benefits. What do we know from research?

Crystal: Oh, I was like looking at an article before I came here, I mean, Google is my friend anyways, so just Google benefits of laughter and it will give you a lot of good stuff. But one of the articles I came across said, or actually multiple, all of them said that it's very good for your cardiovascular health. And I thought that was very interesting because, yeah, I feel like there's a lot of heart problems out there. So, yeah, we need to just keep laughing.

Laura: Well, it reduces stress. Obviously, it when you're laughing, it's between your rib cage and your it's in your diaphragm. So, it's like expanding your you're like cardio. So, who needs to go running when you can just laugh?

Crystal: Yeah that is why your gut always hurts

Hilary: Yeah, it's like the best ab workout you’ll ever get.

Laura: Yeah, I was worried. I'm going to be coming out of your own pain because Hillary is funny. She's funny. But yeah, and one of my ultimate favorite benefits is it brings us together. So, if we're grieving, if we're in pain, if we're scared, if we are with someone else, we are the all the research says we are more likely to laugh with other people than by ourselves. And so that's one of those factors back to the protective factors. That's the connectivity. So as adults, what is the most isolating moment as a mother or as a parent is when you're by yourself and you're in a situation and you don't know how to solve it and you feel like no one's there to help, you know. But if you can call your sister in law, your mom, whoever that makes you feel a little better and they can laugh at you or laugh with you more appropriately. We're not even talking about the inappropriate because we're not mean here. We're kind, folks. But yeah, if you can get someone with you and you can, they can point out that this is actually a really funny situation. You know, the fact that your child destroyed your kitchen and you just cleaned it and you're exhausted because the newborn is just throwing up everywhere, like if you can laugh through that and if someone else makes you feel better, that's a connection that you can't, you know, it only gets better the bond.

Crystal: And on top of that, they kind of what I was thinking is in the moment, it's not funny, but then after it's always funny. So, if you can even try to figure out in that moment how to make it funny, you make it a better experience.

Laura: Yeah, and we're not discounting like the other emotions. I'm not like preaching that laughter is trumps all. I am a true believer that every emotion has their time and place, but laughter is, is healing. It's it. Part of my presentation was based off of two TED talks, so I didn't talk about one of them because the guy wasn't exactly that entertaining, so I didn't share. But he had some good facts, and she's laughing.

Hilary: If you're not funny, you're not worth talking about, you know?

Laura: We need to keep going, man. It's funny.

Crystal: But the other TED talk, the boring one

Laura: Yes, yes, OK. I lost my train of thought completely, totally normal for me. But the other part is that it can improve your work experience, like your relationships with your coworkers. They've even done some research with humor and like raises, like if you're a good, personable person. Yeah, yeah. All kinds of crazy stuff

Crystal: I’m funny so I get a raise.

Laura: Yeah, yeah. Hey, you're the person everybody likes and you're doing your job. You're doing great at it instead of the person that's always complaining. Not that we shouldn't complain about some things, but you know what I mean? Yeah. So, it's just it benefits every aspect of our life now. What was really interesting is some of the research back to what you were saying, Crystal. They did a study with people that were getting regular mental therapy and interventions, and then they had a control group that didn't get laughter therapy afterwards. And when that did. And there was an immediate serotonin boost, immediate like mood elevation. So, it helps us regulate. It helps us so many, so many ways, you know,

Crystal: And like even after like, you're done laughing, like you're exhausted. And that's really awesome because your whole body just relax because you're all your muscles are tense. Stop laughing so hard. And so, after, you're just cool. It's almost super therapeutic, actually.

Hilary: I agree. My husband, whenever I go somewhere with either my sisters, family members or close friends, whenever I come back, he'll always ask me, did you have a good laugh? Because he knows to me a good laugh means. Either I laugh until I hurt or I laugh until I cry or sometimes pee a little. Did you have a good laugh because he knows that I love to just like, let it all out, right? And it does, and it means that you're crying. But it is, it's through those connections. Being with those people.

Laura: It is! It's so powerful and it's a kind of vulnerability to like tickling. OK, here's a good example tickling. So, it's not everybody's ticklish. And everybody like people ask, Well, why? Why like, why can't you tickle yourself? You know the answer to that? And it's an interesting question, right? And so that was one of the questions that on that kid’s podcast, the kids, because they want to know all that kind of stuff, but it's because of that spontaneity. You know, we know we're going to like play bugs on our fingers or whatever, and so we need other people to bring us to that point. We can't do it on our own. It has to be with other people. And you know what, other developmentally, this is super interesting. So, any new moms out there that have a four-month-old, what one of the things that I was studying was how to get babies to laugh, because even at that young age, they laugh. And so, for four between four months to like a year, it sounds like weird random sounds like popping your mouth or like making funny noises and tickling like those soft spots. So, if that's an immediate thing you can do if you're around a baby is just start making weird noises.

Hilary: Check! Practice the weird noises to babies. But what does it matter what you're necessarily saying to the child?

Laura: Yeah. And so, when grandma was making those weird sounds and making those funny faces like, we know that's evolutionarily and the kids get it the babies because their eyesight anyways. But the other thing that's really interesting is when they become about a year old. So, then they are entertained by something called clowning, which is when things are like goofy and they don't quite fit. And so that's like our slapstick humor. That's what the brother like, does something weird, like falls on the floor and starts kicking their feet, and they're just laughing at him and. And so, it's so interesting because it's a develop and that's part of resilience to is understanding developmental steps and knowing that if I have a child that's upset, if I can get them to laugh, then they'll be OK, too. And that's really helpful to them as well, because you're teaching them emotional regulation, you're teaching them how to cope with stress, which we all need that.

Crystal: Yeah. And that's really cool because like we talk a lot about making sure that we take deep breaths and stuff and when you do what you do. So that makes sense.

Hilary: Mm hmm. I think that's such a cool tool, though, to teach kids when it comes to coping mechanisms like laughter can be one of them, right?

Laura: Yeah, yeah. And relationships. So, if you're you and your partner, that's another one. Think about it like, that's something. So, I'm, I'm a Gosling fan, I am. And I’m like, Oh I'm not allowed to say his name?

Hilary: You can

Laura: Oh, haha but like, you talk about love mapping, you talk about that connectedness and those interactions. And the more you're able to laugh in a stressful moment with your partner, the stronger your marriages and the longer it lasts. And there's research on that. So, if you can get your partner laughing about something you do, that's super annoying.

Hilary: Oh, that’s easy

Laura: But I mean, it affects every single relationship down from zero to our great grandparents, you know, and it's pretty amazing.

Hilary: So, I'm just curious as I'm thinking, we're talking about kids and kind of that spontaneity. What, we get boring as adults then.

Laura: Yes. Two types of laughter. There is two types of laughter. And the research shows. So, there's like the frontal cortex like you think of your fireside comics, right? And maybe some people are too young for far side because that was like growing up my, you know, id mark it on the calendar. Yeah, I would always update it. And we would laugh but I was like, I didn't get it, but I thought it was still funny back then. Yeah, it was. It was funny or like Gilmore Girls, but I mean, like all those jokes that you still don't get because they're just too fast for our brains process. But so, as we develop, so as we get out of that clowning more like reptile brain version of laughter, that's more spontaneous and more, you know, just there just happens like that. We develop what's called more of like a like. It's more in our frontal cortex, it's more planned or learned. So, it's like a learned behavior. So, like, it's like you're in your New York comic. That's like a satire or sarcasm, so that's something and I was planning on talking about this because kids don't get sarcasm and it's it can be very harmful to your children because they think you're taking it seriously. But really, it's like they think you're hurting their feelings, you know? And so, we have to be very cognizant of their development. And as adults, we laugh less and less when it's fake. And more and more we were with the people we really like. So, in my opinion, it's not that we laugh less is that we're more selective about who we laugh with. Right? Maybe. I don't know. It depends on my kids jokes.

Hilary: I mean, sometimes they give you a good one. Well, for the most part, let's say.

Laura: And it's OK to fake laugh, but they do figure it out eventually

Hilary: OK, well, I'm glad to know that I'm not just becoming boring.

Laura: No, you're refining it. You're refining it.

Hilary: I’m like a fine wine here

Laura: Yeah, yeah. That's it. Well, and that's the thing. Like, the research shows that we go down and we do play less as adults. We're not quite as fun. You know, we were more self-conscious. It's like the Poop joke, like our kids, my kids still love anything to do with poop. Oh yeah. And I'm sorry. I'm of course I'm bringing it up on the podcast because, you know, my family would be like, you would. You would. Because, like, here's an example. So, I created this playlist for my kids because I hate morning routines with the passion is the worst ever of all time. And so finally, I set up this this playlist of all the songs they like. One of them is like screaming goats. But like, you have to have that stuff to make them smile so that they'll respond, you know? And I don't know. It's that's I think that's helpful to me, too, is when they're goofy and I'm like, Oh, the poop song. It's funny, haha. You know what I'm like, actually, that's kind of what you think about it.

Hilary: Hehe poop is hilarious! Oh, my goodness. OK, so then let's see that we got a listener out there that's thinking. I don't laugh enough like I see the benefits I need to do this more. What advice can you give them

Laura: Being around people that laugh a lot and make sure you're around people you love and that you're connected to? And if you can't laugh, find someone that does or watch your favorite show. I mean, yeah, we're more likely to laugh with other people. But any time I'm watching my favorite Netflix show, I'm laughing. And maybe, maybe just peeing just a little bit, but not too much, you know?

Crystal: Yeah, go on YouTube, go find those funny cat compilation videos like sometimes that's what you have to do, and that's OK. But there's definitely a lot of stuff out there. And like even we are talking about the other day, laughing yoga. And so, it's a real thing.

Hilary: It's a real thing? I hate yoga, so I'm going to have to look into this

Crystal: But his is real and it starts out more of like a fake laugh and kind of like, ha ha ha ho ho kind of thing. And by the end, it's just so ridiculous that you're just laughing for real. Like, even if you have to start out with fake laughing like it can be really funny.

Laura: Yeah, I mean, and once laughter is something that every human being does, but not everything's funny in the same way to people. So, some people might not find things like poop funny, like they might be offended by the fact that I've said it probably about ten times.

Hilary: If you’re still there, keep listening guys!

Laura: Please forgive me, my supervisors, please. I knew I would probably say something like this if you did too so anyways. But I mean, that's important to know as like, I think also it's like giving, you know, if you make someone. So, I have two sisters in laws that will laugh at anything and they're my favorite humans will laugh at all those stupid things I say. And so, I want them around me more because their laughter is contagious, right? Because at least it shows. And so, if I'm trying to make them laugh, it brings me joy too. So, if you're that person that needs laughter in your life, maybe you just can't laugh. Try to make your kids laugh, or you're, you know, try to bring joy to your dog. Like whatever it is, even they might not be laughing, but they're feeling that joy. They're jumping around my dog. I swear. She doesn't laugh, but her body is laughing because she's like, jump jump jump!

Hilary: So, if you guys haven't known this about me by now, I have a loud laugh, it's such a…

Laura: This is the reason they moved you out of the main building. Hilary

Hilary: I know, I know! There have been many a times where people have been like were you at Wal-Mart yesterday? Because I could hear you! They did not need to see me, but knew I was there and could feel my presence. And for a long time. I was like, you know, that's not good. But then I'm like, you know what? I embrace that. The fact that people know me by my laugh, I'll take it.

Laura: I'm in the same boat. So, when I come into any of the buildings or if I'm like my kids are so embarrassed by it, though. But no, how did I get over it? But it's just one of those things. I call it the Julia Roberts laugh because you laugh so loud, your big mouth. It's just, you know, lots of room for sound. But I think just it's like Mary Poppins, you know, I love to laugh, right? And the different, different sounds. And some people have weird like nasal laughs. Some people like Ernie, remember Ernie.

Hilary: So, I'm going to laugh it up and you're going to hear me across the valley.

Laura: I want to! See this is the thing I miss when I don't see Hilary. I hope you all know this by now. she is, she brings so much joy to everyone around her with her laughter because it does. It's infectious and it's lovely to hear.

Hilary: Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Crystal: And sometimes other people laughs are just pretty funny, and they make in. That's part of why they're contagious. Yeah, yeah, that's true. If I can help someone else laugh with my goofy laugh, then more power to them.

Laura: If you're snorting, when you're laughing, I guarantee you're going to bring joy to someone else.

Crystal : Exactly

Hilary: OK. I told these ladies I would put them on a time limit. If not, we're going to be here all day. So, you've got 30 seconds to close up. What would be your closing thoughts for our listeners?

Laura: from OK, I'll try to take 10 seconds. Maybe, dang it, there goes OK, but connection. It's all about connection and bringing joy to the people around us.

Crystal: Yeah, I like that. My main takeaway probably is. Just don't be like so late. I know it's hard to be not self-conscious, but don't care when you laugh. Just be carefree, though just help you out.

Hilary: All right, guys, your mission for tonight is to find something to laugh at, whether that be our podcast or something completely different to know what was our podcast right? One thing that, yeah, you guys know the drill. If you want to learn more about us, go to our website, TheFamilyPlaceUtah.org. You can also contact Jan Daly at the Family Place in Utah, and we will hope to have you back for our next episode. Peace out! Thanks, guys.

Crystal: Hey, Hillary

Hilary: What?

Crystal: What did one eye say to the other

Hilary: Oh, I don't know

Crystal: Between you and me, something smells.

Resources: 1.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200304/the-benefits-laughter 2. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

Contact:

Record questions here: https://anchor.fm/theparentsplace

Email us: parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org

Text "TFP" to 33222 for weekly parenting tips

Find us on social media: https://www.facebook.com/jendalyTFP

The Parent's Place:https://www.facebook.com/groups/196037267839869