When summer comes, it is not all sleeping in and spending all day at the pool, even though we may wish it would be. In reality, summer can be a stressful times for working parents trying to juggle a demanding work and home life. With a very common questions submitted by a parent, Hilary and Jen dive into this topic. How to we help managed this balance in keeping kids routines and structures in place to help our kids out of trouble in the summer when we may not be at the home. Listen for some helpful tips today.
Listen Here:
Rather Read? Transcription Here:
Jen: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast with Hillary and Jen.
Hilary: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast, so. We are in the midst of summer right now. You may be listening to this at the same time, you may be catching up on missed episodes, but right now we are in in the heat of summer. And I mean, Jen knows this about me. This is where I shine. Right! Yes, I wait nine months of the year for this time and so I am a summer person. It brings me so much joy. I know it's not for you.
Jen: Well, I grew up in Arizona. So, I just have this hate of summer. And it has yet to change.
Hilary: Ohh my goodness. Yes, I love most everything about summer. I love the heat. I love having my kids home. I love having we don't eliminate the rules and expectations in our home, but they're definitely loosened to an extent. And you know what? I think that we all need that from time to time. So I love being able to sleep in and kind. Of have this for lab schedule and. It's just makes my heart happy, Jen. You need to learn to embrace it.
Jen: Whatever works for you go ahead and do it. Yes. Let me ask you this. Do you mind sweating?
Hilary: That's the only caveat, huh?
Jen: Well, is well. The heat is one, but the sweating is another. I hate that feeling of that little trickle down the middle of your back.
Hilary: That's true. That's true. And I may need to clarify that most of the time when we were, we are outside in the summer. We are doing something with water. So then you can eliminate the sweatiness factor, because yes, I. The other thing that you need to know about me is that I love. Well, love is love is the wrong word. I tolerate yard work and we'll give it that and tolerate yard work. But once summer hits, I'm like, no, it's too hot for you. So I'm just gonna let this this yard, you know, grow into a pile of weeds because I'm going to spend the hot days now in the swimming pool, so. So we,
Jen: You guys need to get a swimming pool
Hilary: I have one of the not a large, you know, dugout pool, but we have one of those bigger above ground pools that I tend to be in quite often. My favorite tradition. And is on the very first day, so when my kids go back to school that very first day, my one and only job is to sit in the pool, which is still up at that point. Sit in the pool and read a book while my kids are gone. Because I'm like I did it. I survived summer, and now they're back in school. Well, this is my way to celebrate me.
Jen: That would be fabulous. They need to design A chair, that is. Under the water. And allows it to go underwater enough to where it's just maybe mid torso above water so that you can hold a book. But the rest of your body is submerged.
Hilary: That's true because you have to pick one or the other. You need to like oftentimes with tubes, you got to fully immerse yourself. Or you just lay on top of that tube and start to sweat because your body is outside of the water. And so it's true they have. From what I have found, they have yet to find that perfect balance of being a little bit. But not completely immersed in the water. So I will that'll be my summer goal. I will find it for you. And then we'll sit in my pool. And we'll read books.
Jen: All right.
Hilary: And we'll drink our sodas so.
Jen: And if it's not one out there. Then we will create one and become the billionaires.
Hilary: Perfect. Perfect. You guys will not hear us on this podcast again because, sorry, we're off too to bigger things. No, making pool floaties. Right. And saving the world. One person at a time.
Jen: Yes
Hilary: Yes, and. So we had a question, our conversation has. A point here my friends, so we had a question that was posed to our team and this is. So the good. And I'll be honest as much as. I love summer and I love this time. Of the year. It comes with its fair share of struggles, right. And Jen and I were just chatting about this before the podcast because my husband spends a lot of his time working from home, which is great. During the school year. But then when summer comes right, you've got children and then you've got additional children and you've got people. Coming in and out of your home and. And there's a lot of noise. There's a lot of distraction. So summer is a glorious time for children. But it can be a really difficult time for parents, particularly parents that are working parents. I mean, it's difficult regardless, but you know, you add that extra burden of now my kids are at home.
Jen: What do I do?
Hilary: How am I going to get me work done? Right And so the question was brought up specifically with both my spouse and I working. Summer can be a hard time. How can we help our kids stay out of trouble during the summer? And I will say this to preface our discussion, we totally recognize that everyone's situation is different, right? And so we are speaking to an audience where parents may be working, but they may be working from home. Very similar to my experience with myself and my partner. You know, we may have a lot of parents that both work outside of the home, and so then we're talking about a childcare situation. And you may have a little bit of a hybrid of both. And we also recognize that a lot of times when we're scheduling summer activities and extracurriculars for our kids, that those things can get costly. And so I know that there are some parents that can offer that to their children and others that say, you know what, as much as we wish. We could include you in this and this in this camp, financially speaking, that's just not an option for us at this point. So, so you know, it's hard to come up with one perfect plan because of the varying scenarios and so hopefully we can give you a number of ideas and within that list of ideas you could potentially pick one or two that might help you, you know and you can cater it to your particular situation. If needs be. You know, and it's been interesting to as, as you know, you know, my kids are getting older. I got a middle schooler now who will be in high school next year.
Jen: Oh my goodness no way
Hilary: Yeah, that that makes me a little nauseous to say that out loud. So we are entering that stage. Life where even if my husband and I are not necessarily available or we are in the office for the day that I have all their kids. That can, you know, help to keep an eye on the younger kids. And I know that some of you are in that boat where you have the older siblings being responsible for the younger siblings and some of you still have just very small sibling or siblings, excuse me. Very small children that that is not the case yet. So.
Jen: Yeah.
Hilary: You know one thing I will say. From my experience is that. I've been through that hard time that time with young kids where, you know, we would try to find that balance of getting our work done, but also making sure that we are watching those kids and not necessarily just putting them in front of a screen. And making those tough decisions of well, can we do it during the summer or do we just need to put them in some type of childcare and now we're in the stage of life where they're a lot more independent, so it does get easier. But. But we recognize that this this is hard. And this is a hard situation as parents to be in and I think summer is a tricky time anyway, because we're working to find this balance of, let me give my kids some freedom, but not too much freedom, right, because we still want to have some expectations like they should still be doing chores. We probably still want them to be reading and doing some academically focused activities. You know, we want to sleep in, but we can't sleep in until 1:00 every day. So I think summer's hard because we're all as parents kind of figure. Bring out. How much do I put, push and how much do I? Maybe let slide. And that can be really dependent in your home because I know that there are a lot of. Moms that are like you know what? For the most part, our schedule stays the same. You know, our kids still get up at the same time as they do during the school day, and they have a list of chores and contributions that they need to partake in before they do any extra. And I would say, if that works for you and you maintain that more strict structured schedule by all means go and. Yet right. But I, but I also think it's OK as parents to recognize that. I think it's also very appropriate to lower some expectations during the summer. Yep, and things will be fine. Right. And all that's like I mentioned, I know that's what we do in our home, which may not work in every home and that's fine, but I think there's power in giving yourself a little bit of grace. You know, your home isn't necessarily always going to look perfect now that the kids are there, the chores may not always get done. As you know, neighbor kids show up and leave. And you know what? Life will? Life will move on and you know, our kids may spend a little bit more time in front of screens than during the school day. And again, as long as it doesn't become a major problem affecting, you know, them socially or, you know, affecting their mental health. Again, I also think. We're probably fine.
Jen: You mentioned screens and I saw the funniest little video the other day. This dad kicked his son outside, walked him out. Have the kitchen window open and the son comes up to the window and says Dad, can I come in now? And he's like you've only been out there for 20 minutes. Go find something to do! He's like, what would you do if you came in the house and he says I would play my video games. Yep. He goes go find something to do. There's something to do outside and he closes the kitchen window. And then, like, maybe we should do that more often, go out, lock the door, put some drinks by the back door or some water, go out and play. Use was your imagination.
Hilary: Yeah, I have a very sweet sister-in-law that she was. And just watched a post of hers on social media and she was showing kind of her summer schedule laid out and she's very good at structuring her kids' day. But you know she listed that that she's got a chart where they mark off, you know, once they accomplish the different tasks that they need to accomplish for the day, which included. Getting up, brushing your teeth, making your bed. Some of those very similar, you know, contributions that we often have. But then in addition to that, that also included reading for 30 minutes as well as going outside for 30 minutes. And she said that's. Not the only like. 30 minutes is not what the expectation is for the whole day. I obviously want them to spend more time outside than that, but just getting outside in those morning hours, she said. I just want them to get outside in the morning and I thought that's really helpful because especially in July where you know you're gonna hit 90-95° by like 2:00 PM and kids are like ohh, you know, it's too hot. We can't do anything. Mom, right. We may lose that opportunity in the afternoon for them to be outside, but she's like, I get them outside in the morning just to have some fresh air, right? And maybe that means walking around the block. Maybe that means kicking the soccer ball around, whatever that is, when the temperatures are a little bit more cool. But that was part of those expectations at the beginning of the day, and I thought, oh, that's a good idea, right? Give them some sun in the morning and who knows? They may take that 30 minutes and then come back in or they may find hey. I'm actually having a lot of fun out here and they spend the rest of the afternoon out there too so.
Jen: They should go to the Bairs house back in. The day it was like, go outside. And we went outside and. We did it. In 100 and 115°.
Hilary: Weather and you didn't come back until. It was dark
Jen: No! We filled up the canoes with water, so that was our little swimming pool. We rode our bikes. We played cops and robbers, I mean. We just had a blast outside. In 115 degree weather, so it's still.
Hilary: And it didn't seem to faze you back then.
Jen: And no, when we drank out of the hose and we're still alive.
Hilary: I know. You know, it's interesting because. You know, we've talked about this, this. I'm bored syndrome that I think so many of our kids have these days and I've seen it in myself because, you know, if my if my kids have a friend over and they come to me and. They're like mom. I'm bored. I'm really quick to be. Like, well, let me give you some ideas of what you guys can do. And you know, I'll spout out a few different things. You can go play it or you can play outside. You can do this or this or this and. I need to pause and allow them to come up with some ideas, right? Because like you mentioned, I don't. I don't remember doing that as a kid. I remember sitting, you know, in a group of friends and just offering idea after idea. And some of them were quite wild and quirky, but we did them anyway. Right? But. But I don't know if it would have ever crossed our mind to go to our parent. Be like I'm bored, you know? Tell me what to do? That wasn't just necessarily something that we would do and. So. You know, there's a lot of research and a lot of studies that's being conducted about the benefits of allowing kids to be bored and the benefits of allowing kids to have down time, which our kids live in a society where that is not the case. Because when they're bored. They tend to pull out a phone or an iPad or some other type of device, right? That's going to fill that void. And so I think there's benefit for us to allow your kids to be bored. You know, I just this just came, you know, to my mind. But I'm just thinking, you know, that could even be something you incorporate in your schedule and maybe you refer to it as bored time something like that. You know, like an hour, an hour in the afternoon where we put all the screens aside. OK. And Mom steps away. This is maybe, you know, more commonly referred to as that quiet time that oftentimes many parents have. But where the kids know that the expectation is that they come up with their own game. That if they ask Mom that mom will just turn it back to them. But that is the time in the day where you know what? We don't have anything planned. There's nothing that's structured. This is just free play and it's up to you to decide what you want that to look like. Screens away, right? Because that's not included in that, but I think that that would be a really powerful thing to do with kids where that is incorporated as part of our daily expectations that they are required to come up with something to do right. To initiate some creativity. So.
Jen: Yeah.
Hilary: So. a few things that I thought of in this process so. And again, this would maybe gear more towards well, I think I'm open. So, I think one of the first thing that we as parents can do is to educate ourselves on what our community has available for kids.
Jen: There are some great free things in the communities.
Hilary: Yeah, because I think if we do a little bit of searching, you will find that, yes, there are some expensive camps that our children can participate in. But there's also alot of very inexpensive, if not free, opportunities for our children to be involved in as well too.
Jen: Like the Family Place. We have $50 camps and that is for five days, that's. 10 bucks a day. 5 bucks an hour. And that's a little bit cheaper than daycare, yeah.
Hilary: Yeah. So, so yeah, I do think that there are some and you know another thing that the Family Place offers is we have what we refer to as play with the Family Place, which is usually hey, well, not usually always correct me if I'm wrong, Jen, a free family activity that we offer in the Community where we've done different activities, yeah. And so I think you know, just look around you, stop it, stop it those cork boards and those posters that are, you know, at our library and our gas stations and see what's available. The library is probably in my opinion, the very best place to start because they're gonna offer, I think, primarily free activities for kids. I know with my library, if you it's a, it's a two-story library. And so when you get in the elevator. That's where they post a lot of their Flyers, and at this time of year, every wall is covered with flyers of activities that are happening. You know, there are story times for our younger kids, but there are book clubs for our older children as well As for grown-ups. I know that my library offers book clubs, but there's other fun summer reading programs that often libraries will offer. I know my library offers a chess club for teens as well as a Dungeon and Dragons club. I think oftentimes they do crafting days and so. I would start there and see what they have available and if they have nothing available, your library is still a resource, right? Because look, that could be included. Yeah, I mean, I know that when my kids were younger, that was something that we did on a on a weekly basis is we would go to the library. And we would check out books and we would strategically plan to be there during story time, which I think every library does. And you know, oftentimes they have little toys or trinkets that kids can play with as well, too. So we take our time to do that. Oftentimes we were close, so we'd walk, which would extend the experience. Right. And so I think the library is a great resource that we cannot forget.
Jen: That’s one of my favorite things to do. Yeah, I love filling up that bag of full of books and then going home and opening and smell that library book smell. I loved it!
Hilary: That's awesome. Oh, yeah, it is the library. I think it's just a special place. And I think sometimes we as individuals think that libraries are becoming this lost art, but they still are such a way for the community to connect with their people.
Jen: Dungeons and Dragons, that's huge teens. Back in my day, it was not a it was an evil game, but I don’t think anyone really knew what it was back in the 80’s expect those who were playing it.
Hilary: No, I happened to be at the library one afternoon when they were holding their Dungeons and Dragons. Club and I, it was on the 2nd floor, so I'm taking the elevator up and I'm. Thinking this is really loud, what's going on up here and I open the elevator door open and there are about four or five different groups of teens, and you could tell that they are just having the time of their lives up there. And I thought, what a great thing for the library to offer to connect these teens together. So I think that's good.
Jen: And it's a great game as I understand it, you have to create the story. Yeah, and so. You're not in front of the screen, you're using your imagination. You're connecting with other teens. Great stuff is happening right there, yeah.
Hilary: Another resource you might want to look into is just your schools, and again, not every school offers things, but I'm just thinking locally. I know for one of our school districts. They have received funding in the past to offer what they referred to as a summer playground program. Which is where any child can sign up and they meet at different playgrounds. And obviously these are structured, supervised by staff. But the kids get to meet other kids in the community and they get to play and they get to have a snack and they get to participate in organized activities and they get to be outside. And I've had many friends that have signed their children up for these programs and their kids love it. Their kids love it. And so I know they have that, but I even my even my school that my children go to, I received a flyer a few days ago about how they were awarded some funding to do. A summer stem camp. And so I thought that's great. And so, you know, I think sometimes this funding comes and goes for a lot of these schools, but it doesn't ever hurt to ask and to say, do you have anything that you know is happening at our school or maybe even other schools within the area that they may offer some other programs that, even if we're outside of the boundaries, we could participate in so.
Jen: And I'm thinking there's all of these activities and they think, well, if both parents are working, how do they do that? But there's a lot of parents, a lot of moms that aren't working and. I mean figuring out with them, you know, giving some gas money to pick up your kids and take him to these activities I think can be a good thing or, you know, getting a high school student to do the same thing. Yeah. Just to get him to going different places, the free things and the not free things and whatever. I'm sure there's pools and whatnot that these high school students can take your kids to. So I think it's just a matter of being creative and realizing, especially during the summer, it does take that village to help and get kids out where they need to be and. Just to help one another.
Hilary: Mm-hmm. I think that that was probably one of the best things that I and I did not do this well in my early stages and ages in my early years of motherhood. But that was one of the best things that I did later on is I started to recognize. Other parents that were in similar situations, right, that were home with their kids, very similar to how I was, and I connected with them. And here's the thing that I found and I think most of you parents out there would agree. That oftentimes, especially if you have a, you know, a one child in your home that it is much easier to keep that one child entertained if they have a friend, yes. Versus if we as the parent need to be their entertainment. And so I remember this was not during the summer, but during the school year when I would just have one child at. And that one child right wanted me to constantly entertain them. Mom, what are we going to do today? Mom, what are we gonna play? Mom, are we gonna go? And I was like, sweet. We're gonna work. This is what we're going to do, right? Because I have stuff that needs to get done. And so finding these other parents in similar situations to be like, hey, I'll take them on Monday. You take them on Tuesday. Maybe we can go to the park on Wednesday. We could do that together. But I think any mom in that boat recognizes you know what? I would much rather divvy out that time with you. Then to take on that whole responsibility of entertaining my child solo in the home. So find those parents and be brave and be bold, right. And ask and set up some of those situations, you know, especially with these working parents, if you can figure out what those schedules are and you guys can, yeah. Offer this opportunity to collaborate and say if I take these days you take these days right or I know you're working on this day, so I'll do the carpool and then maybe you can do the carpool at this time. So yes, you know, I think there are so many parents in that boat that would willingly to accept that help and would love to, you know, to team up. When I. And things like that so swap those kids around. The kids will have more fun doing so, right?
Jen: Yes. Make mom comfortable.
Hilary: And you know, Jen, you bring up a really good point, and that is one of the benefits of it being summer is that we have those college students out of school and those high school students out of school who may have a more open, flexible schedule where maybe they could be the ones that we hire. I know I have some moms in my neighborhood. That they have hired a high school student for the very purpose of carpooling their children around. Maybe their children are old enough to take care of themselves in their home, but obviously they're not old enough to drive themselves around from activity to activity. So that is what the high school student has been hired to do is they are the carpool. And so I think. Take advantage of those students that are around that work for lower wages right? We like that as well too.
Jen: I'm just thinking. You know, getting with another parent that works. And maybe. I don't know getting all those kids together in a group and hearing this one high schooler plan activities for them throughout the day. That's true. And so now. Now you can pay the high school are a little bit more money because there's the two of you doing it. But both families are having their kids taken care of. And doing something fun. But it is hard to ask. You do have to be bold. And brave, yeah. But we can do bold and brave things.
Hilary: Yes, we can. A few other things that I have tried over my time of working. Is that sometimes you know and obviously again this would depend on your job it, but depend on the. Ability, but with the flexibility I had sometimes I was able to complete tasks if I had my computer, I was still able to complete tasks off site if you will. So I would take my laptop to the McDonald's play place and I would let my kids play for an hour while I hurry and got stuff done. Same thing with the park where I could get something. Them, but I could still keep an eye on them. Right? And so if you have some of that flexibility maybe to multitask and to still get some of your tasks done, but have the kids out running around right in a different environment and then maybe we when we come back, they're a little bit relaxed and they're energy is down and then maybe they can spend the next hour watching a movie. So while we can continue to get those tests done, but if you have that opportunity, that might be a good thing to look for one other thing that I have done, especially when my kids have been younger and I have been. More at home working on doing work related tasks at home is I have a designated workspace, but I have also created a designated workspace for my kids. So that when so it in the office I have a desk where my computer is, but I also have two very small tables that my children. And set up and we have certain crafts and activities and toys that they only pull out when I'm working and that way it's. It can almost be. A fun thing where Mom has to get work done because then I get to participate in these activities that otherwise I wouldn't, and for me they were in the same room as me, which wasn't a burden, but they could. They could have fun and they could play with those tasks and projects while I finished my tasks on the other side of the room. But I again I could still keep an eye on them, but those were things that we would set up when that work time came. So it wasn't just. Uh moms on the computer again, what are we going to do? So that was something that helped out with my little ones when they were quite small when I was working.
Jen: I was just thinking. It was one of our other podcasts where the little girl was talking about the connection. She had that Ted talk with the little girl.
Hilary: Ohh yes, yes.
Jen: And her dad had put the screen up in front of him. You do need to have that screen down. We can't be in front of it all the time working. So schedule being creative also and scheduling your work time when they're having their reading time. Yeah, is, you know, just being creative on when you're scheduling it. If you have the flexibility. Sometimes there's not and that's when you have to think outside the box.
Hilary: And you know, Jen, you mentioned and sometimes there's not because I also think it's just a good reminder of parents that you know, maybe you have more of a traditional work schedule where you are in the office as well as your partner and your kids are small. And so maybe a lot of these options don't necessarily work or pertain to you. And I also think it's OK to take the option of having them in in daycare. In childcare, you know, and I think so often, especially during the summer, parents are. Like but they're missing out. Well, guess what? They're probably having just as much fun. With their with their peers in daycare. And so I don't think it's a bad thing if we find and I think a lot of working parents find that that they try. I know I have a lot of friends. That have juggled with. The working from home trying to maintain some fun and flexibility with our kids, and oftentimes we find. That for some that doesn't work that I can't focus on my tasks with my kids there. And if that's the case, I think that's OK to say. You know what you we're going to use some daycare because it's a resource that's available to help my kids, and that's OK. And so if that is the case, then that's how your schedule works. That's great. That's great for your family. Yep.
Jen: Nothing wrong with it.
Hilary: No. Good luck my Friends.
Jen: Yes. Good luck. And you enjoy your summer try to enjoy it. Get out there and do some fun things. Planned vacations I know that was always the funniest thing is my family did two weeks in Utah every year come up from Arizona and. One week with one grandparent and the other week with the other grandparent and. Nowadays, lots of people can take their work with them. Yeah. So if you do, I know my brother and his wife, they come up to Utah from California for, like, a month and a half. But that's what he's doing is he's just working remotely. I have a niece and her husband, which I wish I could be. But they've decided every summer that they go to a different country.
Hilary: Wow.
Jen: So, I don't know where they're going this year. I don't know if they will since they just had. A baby, but last year they went to England, for like a month and 1/2. But because he could work while he was there.
Hilary: And I think that there are a. Lot of people that. You know, with our workforce these days where we do have some flexibility more so than what we've had in the past. Now again, I recognize that that's not always the case. But I think some are in that position where they might have some flexibility. There they are, often in the office, but they may be able to ask a supervisor or a boss you know. Is there any way that I could do this at home on this particular day and it doesn't ever hurt to ask, you know. And so that might be something another option. We might want.
Jen: Being bold and brave again and asking. If you don’t ask you will never know.
Hilary: That's true.
Jen: Alright, well friends, I do hope that you have a good summer. I do hope that you are using your village and working with other parents to help you navigate this time and. We want to remind you to be kind and patient to yourselves and we'll see you next week.
Thank you for listening to the Parents Place podcast. If you would like to reach us, you can at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org or you can reach Jen on Facebook. Jen Daly -the Family Place. Please check out our show notes. For any additional information, our website is thefamilyplaceutah.org if you're interested in any of our upcoming virtual classes, we'd love to see you there.
Contact us:
-Email us questions or topic ideas: parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org
-Record questions here: https://anchor.fm/theparentsplace
-Parent's Place FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/196037267839869/
Comments