While in the midst of a Masters degree at Utah State University, Amanda Petersen was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. Not only a master student but also being a wife and mother, Amanda continued her education and teaching as well as being their for herself and her family. Amanda's Story of Resilience is inspiring and is filled with hope. This is one you do not want to miss!
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Jen: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast with Hilary and Jen.
Hilary: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast. We are excited to have you all here with us today. And Jen and I have a special guest for our Story of Resilience today. We were chatting with her earlier and I think we are in for a treat because this is the sweetest, most hilarious lady that I've met in a while, so I'm excited to get to know you a little bit more. But this is Amanda and Amanda. I'm just going to turn it over to you and let you just go ahead and tell a little bit about who you are and why you're here.
Amanda: So my name is Amanda Joy Peterson, and Joy was my maiden name. So lots of fun stuff with that at Christmas time and. I am married. I have three kids, 16 year old, a 15 year old and an 11 year old. When my husband and I got married, we've been like married 18 years, almost in September and have been enrolled in some kind of education, pretty much our entire marriage
Hilary: Man, 18 Years!
Amanda. Yeah. Between the two of us at separate times because I told them I kept getting pregnant every time I go back a semester. And I was like, OK, I can't do this. I get too sick. And I was just like, I can't. Once we're done having kids, I'll go back to school. And so I worked while I supported him. I did fine art framing for the LDS Church, and then I printed the Braille for the LDS Church. And so I put or I worked while he was going to school for athletic training and. We moved to Arizona for him to get his or to become a physical therapist. And while we were there, he went through a medicine change. Because he has pretty severe anxiety and depression. So he went through a medicine change and it wreaked havoc on his body and his mind mostly. And he was not able to finish. And it was something that, like we still do with the repercussions. It's been a decade. And still deal with the repercussions from that. But it was in those moments where I didn't know if I would come home and I would not find him living anymore and being away from family. All of that kind of stuff. Like we were 12 hours away from family members. So we really had to rely on or I had to rely on neighbors to help and stuff because my kids were a little like six months old, was the youngest at the time. We first moved, but when he got sick it was a little bit later, but I realized. Like mentalities that I had culturally grown up with in regards to like mental health and stuff like that, that whole pick yourself up by your bootstraps type of thing. That I was causing more harm than help to him. Right? And because we were working with his therapist like a huge proponent that if you can find access to therapy like utilize it if you can. And that I wish that it was more affordable for more people to be able to experience that. But with that, we were able to like, hey, we just gotta take it the next 5 minutes, we got to take it the next 15 minutes, right? It's like finding those steps that you can use. But I realized that I was saying you just gotta hang in there. He just got it like, you can do this. You know, there was just different kind of platitudes. Those saying that we're causing more harm than good and it got to the point where. Like he wasn't able to pass the test, just cause the anxiety was so bad and so we had to move back to Utah and we had to move in with family and it was at that point that I was like, OK, well, we know we're not having any more kids. I need to finish my degree. And. At this point or at that point of my life, I was like, OK, like I, I mean, I took it serious before because I was paying my own way. It was before we were married and I was taking like 18 credit hours, working three jobs because I was paying my own way through school. So I wanted to maximize. It. Right. And so, but sometimes I'd be like. OK. I just want sleep or whatever, right? But I still pass on my classes. I was doing well except for math. I should have applied myself better there.
Hilary: Nobody does well in math. It's OK.
Amanda: Except for like my husband, who was like that math aid and all this stuff was like organic chemistry. I need to know measurements and percentages. And stuff. But it was one of those that I just realized like. Or I took it more serious to go back as like a non traditional student at Weber State, and luckily all of my credits still counted from, you know, 2004 when I or 2003 when I was like taking concurrent enrollment and graduating from high school and stuff like that. But it was one of those that like. My husband was so nervous. He's like, what if you can't finish school like I wasn't able to and we had to have conversations that we are two different people and we have different experiences. How we handle things is different. I don't deal with any mental health issues and him and all of our children do have anxiety. And stuff. And so it's one of those that's, you know, it was it just was the right fit for us and for me to go back. But as I was going back to school and focusing on doing my Bachelors of Fine Arts in art education so that I could be an art teacher and focusing on like 2D design and printmaking and everything, I was realizing that. Or at that same time my stepdad was dying from cancer and so when my thesis show was happening in. Ohh when was. It was December of 2018, so in December of 2018, I was doing my thesis show and I was all about the empty platitudes that people say, thinking that they're being comforting. So when they're saying things like everything happens for a reason, God never gives you more than you can handle. They're in a better place. Hang in there. Like, hang in there is the most benign right. Like I can I can tolerate that. But if you're coming at me, saying, God never gives you more than you can handle. Well, yeah, because sometimes you can't handle it and you die and stuff like just that kind of thing. It's like it's just the practical nature of it. And so like my stepdad dying from cancer and then it was my show. And I already knew that my dad was going to die. Shortly after that, and they died within 10 months of each other. And then ten months after my dad died, his brother died from cancer. And so it was like a lot of death and like we were living with my dad and my step mom like we my kids were there. I was in class when he passed away, but my kids were home when it happened, so I had to race home and my husband's trying to deal it. But of course they're all riddled with anxiety and it's a stressful situation, right? And so it's one of those that especially like with my stepdad's funeral. Like I helped my mom a lot. I'm the oldest. My brother lives in New York. He works on Broadway. And my sister wasn't around. My younger sister wasn't around at that point and everything. So, it was just one of those. There's a lot to work through, but I realized that I was able to use my art as a vehicle to kind of spread a message. And so especially culturally in Utah. A lot of those phrases are used in times of trial and hardship, right? But it was the whole point of that is mostly helping the speaker, not the person who's actually going through the pain. It creates a barrier. It creates a distance, right? But it takes that introspection and self reflection to kind of. Yet. Get that kind of awareness. Like, if you don't realize you're part of the problem or that it is a problem and stuff, then it kind of perpetuates and that's a cycle that I wanted to break within our relationship and stuff. And for our kids to know, like, hey, we're not going to say this kind of stuff. And This is why. And everything so moving from that and doing just a lot of like community art engagement. I wrote a lot of fellowships to be able to through Weber State that allowed me to, like, go to New York for a week. I stayed with my brother and his wife and their kids and stuff, but it let me go to Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, and do an intensive it was called the connecting collections, and it made it so that you can educators could. Make art in the museums more accessible to students around the world, but also how can we evaluate art and see how it applies to us today? How can we make our person like if we look at this statue that Jacquetta did, how can we create that same stance and feel like we're so grounded and plenty? You know, like it was just a way to incorporate. Are into the class, but it's always to bridge. Like create bridges of connection and that's one of the things that I love about being able to do art and. At the beginning of grad school, it started in the pandemic. So like I already had a weird experience like grad school started in August of 2020 for me and trying to do art, especially printmaking. Like, I didn't even get to graduate with my, I mean, I graduated, right? But I didn't get to walk with my bachelors. My student teaching was cut short because of COVID. And stuff like that. So there was just like a lot of weird things and trying to do print making during pandemic is super interesting because it's like you have to figure out how can we create this without the use of a press because we can't be in, right. It was different for the grad students, but trying to help undergrad students be able to do that. It was a great a great example of navigating the difficulties to get and results right. It's circumventing things and stuff which everybody can relate to in some capacity because everybody was affected by the pandemic.
Hilary: Yes, yes.
Amanda: But. That, like factoring that idea of the connections and creating the bridges, was already part of my teaching philosophy. And so as I move into my program and like I was still trying to make work, that was kind of palatable if my family saw it. Like if my mother's cause my dad is dead now, and if my mothers can, you know, look at this. How are they going to feel about it and everything, and then I got really. Good feedback of. Like but is this the work you want to be making? And then the answer was no like I needed it to be palatable for me, and it will make the connections that it needs to. I can't try and be such a control freak that I'm trying to control how people respond to the art. Yes as an artist I can, you know, help guide. Right? But. Like so in spring of 2022. That was my busiest semester. I was taking five classes, which is a lot as a grad student, and I was teaching one class and still being a mom and a wife and not so much like. We cook or you clean.
Hilary: That's what McDonald's is there for. It's fine.
Amanda: They were in campus housing, so it's a tiny apartment. But then at the same time all of the clutter builds up. Because you don't get dishwashers and campus housing, so you're just. Like you need dishes. Can you just use paper plates? And it was like with all of that, like it was my busiest semester. We had some amazing visiting artists that were coming to talk with us and stuff. And I we had just gone to a printmaking conference in Madison, WI and stuff at the university there. And it was awesome. But. I had like. Noticed in January, February of 2022 that I had like this weird bump. Above my right breast like visible enough, because I would get out of the shower and go like this. And I was like ohh I can feel this. Right? And so I was like, yeah, I need to go and get it checked out just so we can be sure. And so. So I go to my General practitioner. She's like, yeah, let's send you it and do mammogram and all that which is great fun and. And stuff. But then we get the test results back. It was April 15th and got the test results back. And she's like, yeah, you need to contact the general surgeon down at McKay so that you can get the information you need because this cancer. And she gave us, like, all of the jargon, And so then we go and try and look the jargon up because she didn't know how to read it because she's that's not her specialty. And she's admitted like she sent because I love my doctor. She's amazing and stuff, but she's since told me she's like, yeah, I shouldn't. And I and I told her about it. But she's like, I never should have delivered it in the way that I did. Where you had to go and look stuff up because that sent. My already very anxious spouse into a spiral that wasn't great at all, but it was enough that it was because I don't fear. I don't fear dying like death doesn't scare me like I used to want to be a mortician like that kind of stuff doesn't bother me. But the thought of having to leave my kids behind and my husband behind. To try and pick the pieces up because I saw how it was even just for my kids. Like when my dad died and my stepdad died. Especially for my son who's the oldest and like the oldest grandkid, the oldest grandson and stuff like that like he had a relationship with my dad and my step dad, my uncle and stuff that you know the other grandkids didn't have in the same capacity. And I saw how that affected him. And so like, that's probably only the only time I really feel like I've ever experienced. Anxiety. So I have like a lot of. empathy for my husband and other people that have to go through that just because I've never felt like that sick with worry before. And everything. But it was like Easter weekend and there. We just and I'm not a crier. Like, I literally haven't cried. Since I was diagnosed. Minus when I just saw the Northern Lights a couple weeks ago. But, but I'm not a crier, but I spent a lot of time praying that weekend because I was like, I have to tell the kids that I have this thing. And they only know people who have died from cancer, right, like I was waiting for my test results when I was sitting at the funeral for my husband's uncle, who had just passed away from cancer. And he was the like Fifth family member on that side. My father-in-law doesn't carry the jeans, so luckily like. My husband doesn't have to worry about that, but it's one of those that I knew that if I, just had to figure out, how do I break this to the kids in a way that makes it. So that they don't are automatically jumped to those terrifying what ifs, right? And so like we explained stuff to the kids, I don't even remember that, like, aspects of that weekend are so blurry, right? But I do remember that as soon as I knew I had the doctor's appointment with the general surgeon at McKay Dee, which they did an amazing job and stuff. But I met with the doctor like. No nervousness, like all of the fear went away because I knew we had a plan. I love science, like science was real, so I just. I was so comforted by like, I have a plan of attack. My husband was still stressed to the Max, right? And they were talking about, well, you, and you'll lose your hair. And they were. All concerned like I was going to care about that. I was like, I literally had every color and every hairstyle except boldness. So now I get to experience baldness. Little did we know I had a really lumpy head, so that was exposed to the world right here. I had like this dent that my kids called the chicken nugget dent. They're like mom, it dents in just enough to hold enough ketchup for one chicken nugget. I'm like.
Hilary: Wow. I love that that was where their brain went.
Amanda: And like they help me buzz my hair and I like, went once I started chemo and we knew the path that we had to take and stuff. And my husband because I turned to him in that first doctor's appointment was like, oh, we get because he's bald and he doesn't want to be bald. I said we get to be bald buddies. He's like, I don't want to be bald, I said I. Can make you a toupee. from my hair. And he's blonde and I'm like Gray and auburn, brown and stuff, so it was just so funny that, well, I thought it was funny. He did not, but.
Hilary: He should have thought it was funny.
Amanda: I know, It's like I'm hilarious, but yeah. And so like the kids help and my husband helped shave my head and I, you know, turned it into paint brushes and. And stuff. But because there's chemo in the hair like it was like where you want it to go nice and smooth all the sudden the hair just it's like really rough and it’s like, OK, that's not going to work. But yeah, like I just tried. Humor was a big part, but I knew which family members I had that could be for the specific kind of humor, right? So like my cousin, he's four days younger than me and. And stuff like that. And his dad is the one that died after my dad and stuff like that. And so like him and his wife, I got to do the dark humor with and my brother to a certain extent and everything which helped me because I knew I couldn't make those jokes with my spouse and everything but. Like and I got a lot of feedback and it's weird to take like compliments about how you're dealing with something that's trying to kill you. And everything. But that's a feedback that I got a lot. It's like you're smiling through all of this. You're doing this through all of this. I was like, well, yeah. And having people come up, I could never do that. I was like well. That is an option, but that means I'm choosing death right, like and stuff. And so I think that just making that for anybody making that decision of, I'm going to do what I can. And stuff I think is important. I think it's important for people to recognize how strong they are to make the decision of like my stepdad, he's just like I can't go through all of this again. And he's like, I just wish that it would go fast and I could be done. And he didn't want a big fuss or anything like that. But he also didn't want to put the strain on my mom and things like that. And I was like, that's OK that you're making that choice. There's strength in that choice. Right. And I think that it would be good if people realize that more within themselves, not even just in in regards to hard medical things, but just in general like give yourself the grace to realize you're here doing the best you can every day, trying to hopefully make it a little bit better for the next day.
Jen: It's a great. Way to look at it.
Amanda: It makes it easier. Yeah, like and I and I think it's one of those that it was just weird anyway, because people were telling me. Like ohh I could never do that. It's like OK, like you said, it's a choice, but. It just I was made. I tell people I was like my only parents made me. A I am not a show pony. I am a stock horse Clydesdale. Or an ox. Like I was built to just steadily plot along and I am so stubborn. That you know. I just, I had to do it the way that I was like. So the whole time that I was in grad school and I'm diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, that is one of the most aggressive. And I have to do 5 surgeries, 2 rounds of chemo, one of which is called the Red Devil. And they have to. Biohazard suit up and inject you in person and you have to chew on the ice chips so that you don't get sores in your mouth. And the first chemo you have to wear these ice socks and ice gloves so that you don't permanently get neuropathy in your appendages and all this stuff. Like, there's just so many convoluted. Things and you have to do these shots that are for. Like your white blood cell count. But then it makes your bone your bones hurt so bad, but at the same time, like I never got nauseous. And they say a lot of times if you get sick when you're pregnant. You're going to get sick. With chemo and so and I just watched my dad be sick all the time because he had complications with diabetes is what killed him young. And. Like he would get so nauseous, like his teeth were falling out and I was like, I do not want that. I want all my teeth and stuff like that. And so it was just one of those that there was like, what's going to happen. There's so much unknown. So for a stubborn control freak like me. And it was like oh. OK. But that's one of the things that I learned during the whole process is. Like what was really important, there were things that I realized in the grand scheme of life and death, this does not matter. Or resolving this does matter. And so I was able to kind of figure out for myself what is the way that I want to navigate this like there are stuff that I was working on in therapy that once I got diagnosed I go. This is on the back burner now because I'm in survival mode. But one of the aspects that they don't talk about with cancer is once survival mode is done, that's what people think is the hardest. And in my opinion and from other people that I have seen talk about it, it's once survival mode is done and you're in what I call the fallout period. And that's when you're processing. What did I just go through? And stuff, right? Because it's like I'm I was still teaching like, the week I got surgery. I was still teaching just cause we needed the money at the university like USU. Phenomenal. The faculty, especially like the department head, Kathy Pusey and one of my instructors and also friend. Paul Marson, like they were on my grad committee. But Kathy did so much to advocate for me to be able to still teach and get money so we could stay in our campus apartment and have enough money to still function, get, you know, keep the benefits that we needed to pay for the surgeries that I needed to do. You. Because there's like a mix up with the insurance and we started getting all the bills. And it and it was saying like this is due within two weeks and I saved everything because I'm going to mulch up all of the p.o.b.s and make my paper and make my own book. That has like. All the cards people gave me all the like information and stuff, but I added all of the stuff up and it was well over $200,000 just for the initial. That's not counting all the surgery and stuff. And I just sat there and I just, well, you know, but I was able to do that because I was able to one be stubborn. But because I had people supporting me to be able to do it like I, I set up the schedule for teaching that I would have chemo every Thursday. That gave me Friday, Saturday and Sunday to recoup, and then I was teaching until the following Thursday and I was working on my art and my assignments and stuff like my cancer doctor I would always stay up. Because inherently I knew I was going to. Not feel the best. Every time I had chemo like a new flavor was taken from me. So like if you would eat vanilla ice cream, it was literally like licking a cube of butter. It's super weird, but it changed every week, but like I'd be working on these insect books because my work before I was diagnosed was all about. Insect defense mechanisms and adaptations and how that correlates with human defense mechanisms and what we do as humans to create barriers and protections that can sometimes act as hindrance. Because I was like starting therapy about stuff with my dad's death and things like that, and then I got diagnosed. And I. Was saying like, well, defense mechanisms are pointless and then all of a sudden I'm like. Oh, my body trying to kill me. That defense, making some sort of good thing. We need those to, you know, be able to function and like that. So yeah.
Hilary: I have a list, a big list of questions
Amanda: Since that was like way longer than 10 minute introduction, right?
Hilary: Your story is amazing, and honestly, as you're making these comments. Have like things that you like, strengths that you have, things that you did, things that you would want other people to take from you. I have about 12 like 12 things that that you nonchalantly threw out in that story that I thought. She is freaking amazing.
Jen: Absolutely.
Hilary: She does this like it is so wild to me, I love I if I could, if. You know, if I had the power to create a theme for this particular podcast I love when you use that phrase, bridges of connection and I know you were talking about that in regards to your art, but I think in general in life, like, I just love that idea that we're creating these bridges for connection and I love how you talk so much about creating support systems and creating a plan and having these people that helped you through this process. Like all of these bridges that were created through this, we hear that theme so often with these stories that it was about connections and finding people that could help you in those times of need because we can't do this by ourselves.
Amanda: Like literally I would not have been able to like every weekend that I because it was during the summer, right. And every weekend I knew I was going to be laid up and. Campus housing also does not have air conditioning. So. So yeah. And so we have like units, but that we bought that you kind of like. You mount in the window, but it comes into the room because you have the ones that hang outside, but we couldn't afford to put that in the kids rooms and stuff, and so I knew that they were going to be hot and miserable. I. Am not a homebody at all. I want to be out doing things, and so I was like trapped at home because I still had to wear a mask like my husband. Matt, his grandma passed away while I was in the middle of chemo and like his grandpa got COVID and had to miss his own wife's funeral. And we were trying, but they were trying. We had to do like a family zoom meeting to see, like, can we still go down there just in case? Cause other family members have been exposed. And then I found out that night that I had got chemo from or I mean. COVID from church. So then I'm in the hospital. Luckily, I was, like, super blessed that it was a very mild case. And stuff. But you know, it was just one of those where. We had people that whether it was at church or family or at the school, so much support. Like my the mother figure. So my mother-in-law, my stepmom and my mom. And then my sisters in law, they all created so that I did not have to do like pretty much hardly any mental energy.
Hilary: Buggy.
Amanda: They created a whole list with a group chat that they took. My kids were not home a single weekend the entire summer. They were with somebody else different the entire summer, so that they had things to do. And I know the aspects of it were really overwhelming for them, but they were able to make memories and not just be trapped at home. And stuff. And so it was just really nice that they got to go fishing or got to go and do this or, you know, whatever it was just because I had no energy to do it. The fatigue was a huge part of it, but it was all about the connection, like the family just wanted to help the school, just wanted to help people wanted to help. And so we had deals when we needed it because I just didn't have the energy to do it right. And I think that like you're saying. It's beyond our the idea of the connecting right like that's what that's part of. That's part of why the pandemic was so hard for so many people, because they couldn't make those connections, right. They were able to see, like, a real, like, and we were all test subjects essentially of like. How do we function as a global family? How do we function not being with each other and by each other as much as like people who are introverted will say or whatever. You know we need. We were built for, you know, those connections, and it doesn't have to just be through art, but that's one of the great things about art is like, even though my thesis show my master's thesis show was images that I took or part of the show. Was. I took images of my chest, so like a self-portrait being vulnerable which I normally am not. But I did I before each surgery or during the process of healing I had five images that I took that were selfies. Essentially, no, just of my chest, but it showed the transition that my body went through. Right? So like the fourth in the series is called fault lines and it has, like an EKG grid. Over the image, but the image of my chest is after the first reconstruction surgery and they started to fill me up with the saline, but it's a needle that's like this long and use a magnet to find the port and they stab it into you after you like hopefully numb it enough with the lidocaine. For it to not hurt, right and luckily I have a high threshold for pain so. But it's one of those that, like you can see just the band aids of it, but everything's been removed because like, I did a full like amputation with the mastectomy, double mastectomy. But it's one of those that. There's also a nine generation genealogical grid and there is like a seismograph lines, but they also look like each EKG heart lines. But the whole point of that is you know, it's called fault lines. It's talking about the epicenter, right? But it's also about my diagnosis, I'm a freak of nature because I'm too young in general to be diagnosed with that. There is no known genetic mutation and there is no family history.
Hilary: Wow.
Amanda: And so and my tumor was fairly large, it was 3 1/2 centimeters. So that means they had to kill 3 1/2 billion cancer cells through the chemo and the immunotherapy and with the immunotherapy it permanently damaged my thyroid, the steroids from the chemo made it. So I had to be on insulin and stuff. But the nice thing is that I'm not on the insulin anymore and I'm getting more energy and stuff like that, but. Going back to like the art pieces, even though it was very specifically my body. Even just showing the art I've had so many people come up and say ohh my family member has cancer. I had one of my former students come up and say like I was diagnosed. She's like it was, it was only skin cancer. It's like, no, don't, don't try and qualify with.
Hilary There's no, only.
Jen: Yeah, and stuff she's like. But I realized that I could do this because I saw that you were able to do. Yes, and stuff, because she had to do like lots of continual tests and. And she's like, I just felt really emotional when I was looking at your show. And I was like, well, yeah, like, you realize how it is. And that's your lived experience. Let yourself have that and everything. And like, at the one of the print conferences that we went to in Spokane. In October of this past year, the like Lifetime achievement person, like the main person that was being awarded and having a show like she came during the open portfolio when I had some of my work laid out that I had brought on the airplane and she's just like, oh, I had breast cancer, right. So there was, and we're to the point now where I I don't think that there is a human alive. That can say that they don't know somebody, at least in the United States, that they don't know somebody that's been touched by cancer in some way. And it doesn't have to just be, you know, cancer. One of the articles that I read from my thesis work was by Susan Sontag, who passed away from cancer. But she talked about how every person is born with dual citizenship in the Kingdom of the well and the Kingdom of the sick, and we hopefully spend the majority of our time in the Kingdom of the well. And obviously this was written back in like 1970 something, and so she was like. Mainly talking about cancer and tuberculosis, which we don't have to worry about that anymore, right. But another visiting artist came to speak and I went to a workshop. She did here on campus. And I was in the middle of all of my stuff. But she her name is. Sarah, And she has MS. and has to do infusions all the time. And. And she's a photographer. And so she's documenting that just like I was documenting what I was going through. But I've been able to see, like, through opportunities like this podcast, other press that I've been doing that. There's a reason that people are drawn to it because. They have that connection. It's not because I mean, my work's not pretty because it's pretty visceral, right? Like, it's either a very physical outward, I mean, especially the second photo and or the second piece in the body series is literally the second day after my mastectomy and I have all of the tape on and my skin is all warped and you can see the drains coming out of my body because they don't numb you when they take those out and they're in your foot and. They just pull. And yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought I cracked my teeth. So I was better prepared when they had pulled the other ones out kind of shirt to bite. But you know, it's like different things like that, like it. Was such a. A visceral thing to go through, and therefore the images are as well. But even through that people were able to connect with it. And I think that that's important. That was a really long answer to just talk about connections and.
Hilary: That's right. It was a really good answer. I think there's a lot of people that are wondering how can we view your art? Like, is it still available that we could see it?
Amanda: I could send you the link for the cool thing that the university has up here for the tickets and Knuckles gallery is they have one of those special cameras that make it so that. Like the gallery person can go and create a 3D. Like the little dots like you see in the house showings and stuff that you can go and select and stand in front of the art. There's other opportunities I haven't just cause. I haven't had time yet. I haven't uploaded it to my website yet just because.
Hilary: You're kind of busy.
Amanda: Yeah, I'm still trying to pack up my office and pack up my studio and pack up my house and stuff, but eventually it'll be on there and that's Amandajoyart.com and stuff. But there is some on I only use Instagram or my website, but Instagram is the main one. Like I just posted three pieces that I'm doing for three different themed portfolios. Two of which are for the Mid America Print Conference that's happening in Kansas in October, but one of the ones that's called as the Phoenix and. And it's people who have had to deal with, like, hardship. It doesn't have to be about illness. Like, if you had goals that you weren't able, like for my husband, he'd be able to participate if he got selected because. He wasn't able to finish the schooling that he wished he could have. You know what I mean? And his plans had to pivot and he had to figure out how to adapt with that. But mine is obviously around the cancer, but it's like, how do we rise through the ashes and the cool thing is, is like all the members of the portfolio get a copy of everybody's work. And then they're putting one of each of our prints on permanent collection in the new Cancer Center that they just built at the University Hospital and stuff and stuff. Pretty cool that, you know, and to make that piece, that one, all of my art that I did is in the body series, but all of the titles come from poetry I wrote while I was getting chemo. Oh. And stuff and I abstracted it by writing the words in a script digitally, so you can't read the words, but they're words, right? So it becomes a design element and everything, but it's one of those that like that print that'll be going up is from a new poem that I had written, but I pulled imagery from everything else that I had done because it's what got me to where I am now. You know type of thing so. As far as viewing it fully, it was only up for a week in the gallery, but I'm finding other opportunities to try and put it on display.
Hilary: OK.
Amanda: And stuff. But at this point. Yeah, it's just the link I could send you if you needed it.
Hilary: We can include that in our show notes, but as you're talking about this art, I think that there's a lot of people that. Because I don't want comfort and seeing it so.
Amanda: Well, and it's like interesting to see, just like I went through because I have the body series that is like the outward physical and in my artist statement I talk about just kind of how my body became a specimen.
Hilary: Really cool to be able to see. Hmm.
Amanda: Right, because that's being poked and prodded and cut, I mean, like, 5 surgeries in the span of a year and things like that, some of which I regret, I regret the reconstruction surgeries at this point, but I'm still in the fallout period of, you know, everything. So eventually maybe I'll be fine, and ultimately I am fine because it's like, OK, I'm alive and you know. I can deal with. Everything. None of my clothes fitting anymore because my body used to be bigger and now it's not. But it is so lumpy and so it's like trying to figure all of that out. But yeah, it definitely helps to be able to look at the other art pieces that are in my show that were from thousands of MRI images that I went through of my own. That because you can get it anytime you have something like that, you can get the images from the hospital and you can view them. And so I was able to find some that had like insect like qualities and drew insects and that incorporated into some of the artwork. So I have like this awesome one. That you can see the tumor and a lot of it. And a lot of the scans right. And so that became, you know, embedded in the work in certain capacities. And everything. So yeah. And then I had my hair as a sculpture. A box and a picture of like because all of my work was screen printed and relief and everything. But yeah. So there's a photo of me and I did all my friends myself and I did it out of Maplewood because when you put just like the Danish oil on it, it has this slightly pink, fleshy feel to it. So. Everything just felt very body. So I liked it.
Jen: I think it has to be such a huge. Like just your creativity through that whole process. And. That had to be not only did you have these human supports, but you had your gift of art and making art, and you had to be a huge support for you as well, I mean.
Amanda: Ohh yeah. Once I honed in on it. Yeah, because pre cancer. I was like, really struggling because I was like, well, what do I do? How do I convert like I was doing, objects made useless, right? So it was like A and I was screen printing things and cutting things out so that the object couldn't be whole so it was an umbrella with holes cut in it, a butter knife that had no blade. Like a phone that you had to push the buttons like the old phone with the coil and stuff that had no buttons. And I was like, how do I turn this into thesis work and expound on this? And it was all part of that idea of well. Defense mechanisms are pointless, right? These objects were made pointless. And then I was diagnosed and I was like. OK. My thesis work is shifting because I had to I had to relearn how to create. Because my body changed so much. Like if I do too much because they had to do the remove the lymph nodes out of the right side and like my chest has been cut in two in certain areas four times. I have this weird numbness that's there. It won't ever be back, and but the nerve endings try to fire. So the more I use my arms all of a sudden it's. It's not a pain, but there there's a weird sensation that happens and I have fatigue, like my arms fatigue because. Like the lymph node was removed and. All that stuff. So I've had to retrain myself and that's something that I've had to grapple with of, you know, I can do the 10 hour run of printing and now I can. Right, like even though I worked all night leading it like I haven't been to sleep in over 24 hours at this point of this podcast. Right, and stuff. But I had to take more breaks. To accomplish what I needed to accomplish, rather than just pushing through and so I've had to learn. That's part of what I talked about earlier of giving myself the grace of just because you have been able to do all the things before, it's all about adapting, and that does fall into what have insects, animals. What do humans do to adapt? It's changed like already as new humans are born less and less are being born with wisdom teeth. OK, well, we're we have adaptations in that way. But how do we in everyday ways have to pivot and adapt because the trajectory we wanted to be on is no longer viable. How can we, you know, make those adjustments that still can give us a fulfilling life. And be able to. I don't know. Like. Have that resiliency that you know I think is really important that I've been able and I think it's also about like fortitude and being able to. And. Make peace or figure out how to navigate. I think is a better way. Not making peace because that's tied into like the grief cycle that depending on the moment, depending on the you know time has different feelings in regards to it.
Hilary: Yeah. I think that there's a lot of people out there that. Gosh, I think the thing that I love about people sharing their stories is that, whether we have gone through cancer ourselves, maybe we have a family member gone through cancer, but I think that throughout your discussion here throughout your conversation here, there are so many things that people can gravitate towards. Whether that is mental health, whether that is illness in our self or loved ones, whether that is dealing with the, the, the craziness of school and family life and juggling both. I just. I love when we can come together and we can share. And we can talk about our lives in an open on this platform, because this right here is what is helping people is to be able to share and to make connections. And I love this. I love it.
Amanda: Like think of my think of my Grad experience started with the pandemic and then like was consumed by and had to take an extra year to fulfill due to cancer, right? Like it was all about adapting and realizing how those connections are happening because there are so many aspects that are relatable, Like you said, it doesn't have to be cancer, but it definitely can be. You know X or Y or Z. Exactly.
Hilary: So I feel like you didn't finish your story and I feel like that's what we need to sum up with. So you're moving, which I'm assuming means that you graduated.
Amanda: Yes. Yes. I had my Thesis defense. And I like that. Like, I love my thesis defense in my undergrad, where you have to stand in front of the whole faculty. And defend your art. For 30 minutes and then as an MFA grad. You're in front of your grad committee for an hour and they ask you different questions about like with the why's and they've followed you throughout your program, right? And you're doing check-ins, at least in printmaking. We were doing regular check-ins, especially because my stuff wasn't strong in the beginning. Like I was doing mediocre work in the beginning and it's amazing to see that, you know, jump and then it was OK. We have to move. And I have to find a job and it's all happening at the same time. And my kids really want to stay where they can be with their friends, because my son's. Like Mom, I only have two more years. And he's on the wrestling team and he's a manager for the football team and he's like, I don't want to leave my girlfriend and I don't, you know, just all that kind of stuff. And so I kept just searching and I've done a bunch of interviews. And everybody kept saying like the right thing will come. And it was almost like its own empty platitude. It was like, yes, I. Know it will all worked out. I was like, well, isn't that kind of what happens like unless I die, it all works out in something and then.
Hilary: Somehow it's gonna work out.
Amanda: And even then I don't care. At that point, if, if that's the way it went. But you know, and I again it's like benign, like hang in there but it's just one of those that then I went for an interview and it was the same interview that I had already done with multiple other schools. And I got hired at a high school that I get to teach. I have to do a lovely commute. That's at least an hour one way. But it makes it so my kids can stay at school.
Hilary: The things would do for our children.
Amanda: I told them. I said you better never say that I don't sacrifice for you because. I will make you go with me and you better get straight A’s.
Hilary: Man, I am thinking of your personality and those high schoolers are gonna adore you. Like that is such a great place for you to be.
Amanda: Concurrent enrollment, which is high or which is college level stuff, which is what I've been doing for the past four years, and I was I was nominated and awarded the Grad Student teacher of the Year for 2024 for the Kaine College of the Arts. And then was a finalist for the Robbins Award for that right and. And so that helped me get the job. Like the principle he was reading my stuff. He's like, ohh, this is impressive. It's like, yeah, as an adult, I did a lot of stuff to be able to improve me, to be able to help students because that is like the tenant of my teaching. Philosophy and for life is if it's about creating these bridges of connection, it's about allowing students to have their voice when they can't articulate and verbalize with words. The feelings and stories that they have experienced because it's all individual artists objective how can we use art as a vehicle to create the connections but also get your own personal story out? Right. And art is such an amazing vehicle to be able to do that. And I get to teach things I've never had to teach before, so that'll be a fun adventure for me and stuff like that. So I'm excited.
Hilary: You are freaking amazing. Ohh I well, it's gonna be so good. Those kids are so lucky. Amanda, I am so grateful that you have been here with us today. This was such a cool episode. Like, truly, we have learned so much from you. And I'm so excited for our listeners to hear it. So thank you thanks to you.
Amanda: Well, I'm grateful that I got to do it. It was a lot of fun, and luckily I like to talk so.
Jen: Thank you so much for coming. I'm there are so many little pieces in there that deal with any aspect of life that can help anyone that listens to this podcast? I mean, there's. Just a lot of fun and a lot of good things to learn from your experience, and I appreciate you being willing to share with us. I just didn't constant. I was constantly amazed by your attitude through the whole thing of, OK, this is what it is. We're going to have fun. I'm going to continue on going and this is I'm going to be creative and express my experience and. So. Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
Amanda: Not a problem. And I think it's all about like trying to find the happy moments, like even when I was in the middle of chemo, we went to lagoon my kid because we had to cancel all of our camping trips, and we went to lagoon for the first time. And like I had to use a wheelchair, but that also made it so we didn't have to wait in lines and I was like. So excited because we went on roller coaster because I hadn't been to lagoon since I was in high school was like this is great I. Love this? And then we went back the following year and I got. Sick on every ride and I was like, what is the difference? And then I realized that because I was doing chemo, I was on so many anti nausea medications that Lagoon was like perfect and so. I was like ohh I need Dramamine. But I think that it's trying to find the fun. You know, that was an important part. Is I really tried to have a good attitude. Cause one I knew it would help my family. It is also me. Like it doesn't mean there weren't hard days. And I think that again, give yourself the grace to feel. Feel what you feel and. And you don't have to mask for anybody, or you shouldn't have to mask for anybody. But that was a very important part for me, was to just have the attitude of. That's just my attitude. Like, OK, I gotta do this anyway. So let's do it.
Jen: Well, that's awesome. Thank you so much. We want to thank our listeners for coming today and listening. We want to remind you to be kind and patient with yourselves and we will see you back here next week.
Thank you for listening to the Parents Place Podcast, if you would like to reach us, you can at parents@thefamilyutah.org or you can reach Jen on Facebook. Jen Daly - The Family Place. Please check out our show notes for any additional information, our website is thefamilyplaceutah.org if you're interested in any of our upcoming virtual classes, we'd love to see you there.
Episode Notes and Resources: -Here is a link to my thesis show EXTANT. https://my.matterport.com/show/?m=TrLyf2822Dz
-Link to my artist statementhttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1WtXTO5FtnHHkVrTVJBFUpY0rqKHX3MCVFXmcrGqAKJ0/edit
-Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved by Kate Bowlerhttps://katebowler.com/books/everything-happens-for-a-reason-and-other-lies-ive-loved/
-Whitechapel- Documents on Contemporary Art: HEALTH (also the MEMORY and ARCHIVE books)https://shop.whitechapelgallery.org/products/pre-order-documents-of-contemporary-art-health
-Cache Valley for Hope Cancer Foundationhttps://www.cachevalleyforhope.org/
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