Kids home during the summer months brings new challenges for families. Jen and Sara address busting boredom, packed summer schedules, road trips, sibling fighting, and more!
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Sara: Yeah. So, I feel like oftentimes we as parents feel like we need to schedule our whole summer because we don't have school. We can do all the fun things and we don't want to miss out on any opportunity. We want our kids and all of the summer camps and swimming, and we do vacations and go camping and go to the pool and just overload our schedule. And so obviously, it's going to be different for every family on what feels like it's too much because people handle busyness differently. But I think a big thing to pay attention to, to know if it's too much for your family is your children's behavior. You know, when they're overloaded, they're going to let you know through how they're behaving and all the fighting and tantrums and exhaustion will come out. So that's one way to recognize if you have too much going on in the summer and need to get some stuff out.
Jen: I think also paying attention to your own behavior if you're getting really grouchy because you got to take your kid to the next activity, that may be a sign of “OK, we've got them signed up for too many things.” And I think also involving your kids in what they want to do instead of picking for them and then forcing them to go to those activities just because it gets them out of your hair and gives you a break, which every parent deserves. And so, I think you got to pay attention to your own behavior and energy as well, because when we're overwhelmed, we're going to have high and uncomfortable energy. And when that happens, we have high and uncomfortable behaviors.
Sara: Yeah, definitely. And I think that, you know, we want our kids to get to experience all the things, but we also need to remember that if they miss out on things, they're still going to grow up to be well-rounded adults, even though they didn't get to participate in all of the fun things during the summer
Jen: They're going to be OK, we never at- at-, me as a kid, I think the only thing my mom would sign us up for because of growing up in Arizona and pools were swimming lessons, but that was about it. The rest of the time was you do your chores and then you go outside and play.
Sara: I honestly, I don't think I was signed up for anything ever. I mean, we had stuff as far as like church goes, we have church camp and that kind of stuff, but nothing extra outside of that, you know? And so, it was literally all summer long. Busting our own boredom as kids. But for the most part, my parents didn't put us in anything, and I feel like I'm a pretty well rounded adult. So, one thing with summer that most families try to squeeze in is a road trip. Because we're not in school, we have time to spend making memories as a family, you know? And so even if it's going camping or going out of town on a long car trip, do you have ideas on how to entertain children in the car?
Jen: I do, and I think about my childhood and you don't want to do what my parents did. We had a big long station wagon back in the 70s and 80s, and they would put the seats down, put some sleeping bags down and we just played games. But we can't do that because now we know the importance of kids being in their own seats with seatbelts. But there's a lot of other games that you can play, even if you're not number one in the 70s or 80s doing some time travel. But there are a lot of activities that you can do and games that kids can play. One of our favorites when I was a kid was I spy and we would drive every summer from Phoenix, Arizona to Utah, and it was probably a 12 to 14 hour drive. Another fun game that we always played was the Alphabet game, so finding things that started, you start off with the letter A and you go all the way to Z. So those are two fun ones that I remember as a kid that we played. I think sometimes we think, “Oh, those are going to be boring for our kids, you know, really, we're in twenty twenty-one and really, we're going to still play I spy?” Kids aren't any different. They still want to play those fun things. And I think if we set those expectations, our kids will rise to those expectations. If we expect them to be bored and be bugging us all the time in the car, then they're going to be bored and bug us all the time in the car. If we set the expectations, they’ll rise to those expectations.
Sara: Yeah, something that I think about a lot is if we feel as parents that we have to entertain our kids the entire road trip, they're going to expect us to entertain them the entire road trip vs. providing some of those games like I spy. It might seem like this really simplified, boring game to us, but to them, it can be a lot of fun and it's something that we as parents can play with them, but we can also invite them to play just as kids, you know, as parents, it's providing something that they can do, and we don't necessarily have to play with them. That's something that I think about a lot because my kids are really good in the car. They know how to travel. And part of it is that they have been having to do that since birth because to visit my family, it's a good 14-hour drive. And so, my kids have been in the car a lot. That's one direction. We still have to come back home. So, twenty-eight hours in the car, in one trip to visit my family. And so, I, as a parent, knew that I did not want to entertain my children for twenty-eight hours in the car. I know that sounds terrible, but honestly, that just sounds miserable to me because being in the car is not my favorite thing. And then to also have to be constantly entertaining my kids would make it that much harder for me in the car and make the trip feel that much longer. And so, I didn't want to be the parent that is constantly entertaining my kids. And so, I provided very basic things. When we go on car trips, they had books that they could read, even and I'm talking when they were little like toddlers, they had books that they can flip through and they had a coloring book and lots and lots of car snacks. And that is essentially all that I provided. I would also download on my Kindle some books that I could read out loud to them. And so, it was a great chance because we're in the car for 14 hours, we can read books out loud and I would also get books on disc and we would listen to books like Harry Potter, I mean, there are audio books out there that are really entertaining to listen to. But even the ones that are more of like the monotone don't have animation and stuff, and then they're still so good for our kids and their development to listen to audiobooks. They're getting that literacy, they're using their imagination, they're tuning in and focusing on the story that's being told. And so, audiobooks are so great in the car.
Jen: I think the car is another time where you need to limit that screen time. I mean, it would be super easy to for that 14 hours to pop in video after video after video. But again, think about all of the things that they could be benefiting from doing a variety of activities. I'm not saying you can't put a movie in there, but having a variety of activities that are not only going to keep them occupied but help their literacy or help their imagination, whatever it may be. There's a lot of opportunities for the child to learn and grow during that 14-hour drive.
Sara: Yeah, I'm glad that you brought that up because so when I was a kid, we did a lot of road trips in the summertime and I grew up in Arizona, and there was one summer that we drove from Arizona to Florida. There, another summer that we drove from Arizona to Illinois, and then another summer that we drove from Arizona to New York like drove. We did not fly. We drove in the car across the country. And those are some of my favorite memories in my childhood. The time that we were in the car, not necessarily the whole vacation, but the time spent in the car. And we didn't have screens like me and my sisters played a lot of games together and we had a lot of bonding time. And so, think about that as parents, if your child is just staring at a screen, the whole trip, what memories are they're taking from the trip? You know, vs. putting in some effort to play games and counting license plates, seeing how many different states you can gather or trying to get the big trucks to hang their horns or anything where you're providing some kind of entertainment, your children are taking away really positive experiences and have memories to look back on versus just staring at a screen for the whole trip. They're going to remember that trip much differently.
Jen: Mm-Hmm. Those are my favorite things is when we went on our came up here to Utah or we camped every summer as well, but my dad would always take us to one place. It was called White Horse Lake. Had the pine trees, the lake and all of that good stuff, but it was a long drive to get there. But those are my favorite memories. And you know, you think, “Oh, my kids are going to kill each other if they're in the car with each other that long.” And I want you to take a moment. I want you to ponder how many times on the news have you heard of a sibling killing another sibling on a family drive? Yeah, no, not one that we hear a whole lot. So, they're not going to kill each other. May they bicker. Yes. May they get frustrated? Yes. May they annoy you? Probably. But they're not going to kill each other, especially if we are prepared prior to going on our trip.
Sara: Definitely. That makes me laugh to think about that being in the news. But I really want to reiterate the setting, the expectations. As parents, if we feel like we have to provide things for our children on the whole trip, they're going to expect that. And I just want to say that I have driven with my children 14 hours one direction and I'm the only adult in the car and I've done this when my kids were really little. I mean, at the time, I had a three-year-old and a one year old. The first time that I drove 14 hours, just me and my two very small children. And because of how I've approached car trips, they did just fine. I had to drive. I couldn't entertain them the whole time. But they did just fine. Flipping through their books and coloring and eating snacks, you know? And so, it's really what we set as parents is what our children are going to expect from us. And so, know that you don't have to entertain your children the whole time you're in the car that they will be just fine.
Jen: And I think that goes with all of summer too I mean, if we don't have to entertain them all the time, they can entertain themselves. They can come up with stuff. They can, I mean, I don't know how many times we went out and figured something out to do in the backyard or in the front yard. And one of my favorite things is a room. No, we decided we didn't have a pool and it would get stinking hot there, as you all know. And my dad had this canoe, so we would fill up the canoe with water and that was our pool. So, kids can get creative and allow them to. And I think there's a great quote from Victor Frankl that talks about, you know, we can take away everything from everybody. But I love this one piece of no one can ever take away your response or your attitude toward something. So, if you go in with a good attitude, then things are going to happen better for you. But if we go into something with a bad attitude of, “Oh my gosh, I can't believe summer's here and now, I've got to figure out all of these things,” then that's going to be our mindset for the summer. Same with car trips and things like that. We have control over our attitude and no one can ever take that away from us. And so, making sure that we're making the choice we want to live with, really.
Sara: Yeah, I love that. So, then another big concern I feel like parents probably have during the summer time is kids and fighting. I know a lot of parents that look forward to school starting again because then their children aren't at each other's throats anymore, because they have school to separate them. So, let's talk about kids and fighting for a minute.
Jen: Well, number one, we did a great episode on sibling rivalry, so I feel like that is a great one to refer back to. I always love doing things more than once. Taking a class, listening to podcasts or reading whatever because I always learn something new. So, go back and listen to that sibling rivalry podcast again, you might pick out something new that can help you this summer, and I think that is a great way to get some ideas to ease that summer fighting.
Sara: Yeah, I think that's a good point to go back and listen to that just because maybe when that episode played and you heard it the first time, it didn't really apply. But now that summer's coming and kids are together more and fighting, maybe there's some information in there that you'll be able to pick out and use.
Jen: I think also, another thing that you can do is if you have two kids that like to do something, plan something to where the two of them can do something that they enjoy together and don't make the other kids have to do it because then you're just going to create those opportunities for frustration.
Sara: Yeah. So, something that I was thinking my kids love playing school. That is like, it blows my mind because when you're in school for six or seven hours a day, you come home and play more school. I did it as a kid, too, and thinking about it as an adult, that just seems crazy. But my kids love it. And ultimately, why they love it is because they want to be the teacher. And so, it causes a lot of fighting because they can't both be the teacher. They also want students, you know? And so, I think something to think about is, what is it that your children are doing that they're fighting? And can you redirect them? You know, school causes fighting in my house because they both want to be the teacher. And so, once the fighting starts, “OK, it's time to take a break. Let's do something else” and redirect and bring in a different activity.
Jen: I think something else that you can do, you know, pair up with other parents, you know, do play dates and things like that to where you can separate your kids. Maybe so they have a break from each other. We all know if we spend all of our time with our kids or they spend all your time with each other, there's going to be a fight. And so, if we can get on board with other parents of having playdates regularly throughout the summer, that may be helpful as well.
Sara: Agreed. So, one more thing that I think is probably a hot topic in the summer time is the chaos in the home and keeping the home in order as far as cleanliness and just having everybody home constantly.
Jen: One thing that I have loved my mom teaching us is we liked to bake. And so, she taught us, You get out one ingredient, you put that ingredient back. So, making sure that you're picking up as you're going, I mean, that applies for baking or playing with whatever toys or games or whatnot. When you're done with something, you put it away. And yes, that might take if this is not a rule in your house or it's not a problem during the school year, it may be something that you have to readdress with your kids and remind them this is what we do during the summer. When we get something out, we put it away. And yes, you're going to have to be there a little bit involved in the beginning making sure that they do it. But yeah, picking up as you go. And if they don't, they can have another great opportunity to have doing chores in the evening so they can. Do chores in the morning to get the house all clean. They can mess it up, but guess what? We're going to have chores at night again. And that is a logical consequence.
Sara: Right? I also think something that works really great is maybe it's before dinner. Or maybe it's right when you notice that the playroom got out of control or wherever you keep all your toys that got out of control. And so, you set a five-minute timer and everybody stops what they're doing and tidies up. And however, far you get in that five minutes, you've gotten to a better place than where it was. You might not be perfect, and that's OK if you can live with that. Maybe you set a longer timer. That's something that I practice regularly of setting a 20-minute timer to just focus on cleaning and get it done and whatever I get done in that 20 minutes. I'm better off than where I was 20 minutes ago.
Jen: There was a lady. I can't remember what her name was, but she was called the fly lady, and she had this idea of just having an empty laundry basket. So, getting the kids involved hurrying up, running around, getting everything in the laundry basket that would fit and then putting that stuff away. And it's the same concept if you're in a better place than you were five minutes ago. Her other big thing was always Have your kitchen sink clean and you'll always feel better. I'm not very good at that.
Sara: That's interesting because for me, piling everything into the sink and having the surfaces clean makes a big difference. Rather than having everything on the surfaces and the sink empty, which I'm sure she is saying, do the dishes not lead out of the sink? But for me, yes, I can always get to the dishes. But as long as I've got it all in the sink and not all over the countertops, it feels better. I just don't always have time to get to it, you know? And so, throughout the day, washing dishes isn't an option, but putting it in the sink versus being out on the counters, it makes it feel better than spread everywhere.
Jen: Her theory was before you go to bed, make sure your stink is clean. OK, yeah. You don't have to do it throughout the day, just making sure that you're doing it before you go to bed, so you're waking up to a nice, empty sink. Yes, that makes sense, because those days I miss the dishes on one day and then I have two days worth of dishes drives me even crazier.
Sara: Right?
Jen: And as I'm studying this, I'm thinking to myself that the thought popped in my head of, “You know what, Jen, you're really in control of all of this. And you're choosing not to do it.” And I'm not saying any of us are ever going to be perfect at it, but we do make our choices and there are always consequences to our choices, positive or negative. And if an orderly house is important to us, then we probably need to choose our children how to keep our house in an orderly fashion or what to do when it does. But if we choose not to do that, then we're choosing the consequences of making them frustrated and getting mad at my kids. And really, in the beginning, that was all in my own control. I'm sorry, I had to put that in that just popped into my brain of Jen. You're saying all of these darn things and you have complete control of it. No one else has control of us. No one can take that away from you. You can choose to do it. You're just choosing not to. So, guess what, Jen, you get to live with the consequence of being annoyed at the dishes. Again, it just pops in my brain. Again, we choose our attitude. I mean, if we're going to think,” Oh my goodness, summer's here and this is going to stink,” then it's going to stink. But if we go in and say, “Hey, we can do this, this and this to have fun, we can create a bucket list of what we want to do during the summer.” Then we're going to have a much better result.
Sara: Definitely. And even if summer got off to a bad start or hasn't been going your way, it's always a new day. It's always a new chapter. You write the ending, so it doesn't have to keep going in that direction.
Jen: You can always reset.
Sara: Well, Jen, I feel like we've given a lot of thoughts to summertime, helping it go a little more smoothly and hopefully supporting parents in busting boredom and not feeling overwhelmed that the schedule is so packed- car trips, fighting, keeping the house in order. So, we got a lot of good stuff in here and hopefully parents will have something that they've taken away and can apply.
Jen: You know, what I would really love is if there's anyone out there listening that can take just a few minutes, go to our Facebook page and put a tip in there for summer so other people can see it. I mean, Sara and I definitely don't have all of the answers for all of the ideas. So just take those few minutes and jot down a great idea that could help other parents during the summer. It takes a village to raise kids, and everyone that listens to this podcast is part of that village. So, send us some ideas.
Sara: Yeah, I love that. So that's your challenge. Our Facebook page is The Parent’s Place, so search for that and you'll find us. And we also recognize that this podcast is listened to across the world. It's not just here in the United States, so it might not be summer for everybody, but when summer rolls around for you and your kids aren't in school, you face the same situation, so definitely feel free to share your thoughts and feelings as well.
Jen: Now, our listeners might like to know that we are listened to in 17 different countries and most of the United States.
Sara: So yes, it's so exciting how far this podcast has reached, so please keep sharing. There's an episode that resonates with you. Send it to somebody that you feel could benefit from it. Our goal is to strengthen families and protect children and lift each other up. So, we're doing that one person at a time. Thank you, everyone for joining us. If you want to reach gender myself, you can email us at parentsatthefamilyplaceUtah.org and you can find us on social media - Jen Daly Dash the Family Place or Sarah Hendricks Dash The Family Place. We hope you enjoyed this episode and we hope you follow through on that challenge and we'll catch you again next time on The Parent’s Place. Thanks again for listening. The Family Place is a non-profit organization in Logan, Utah, with a mission to strengthen families and protect children. We call ourselves starfish throwers. If you're unsure what that means, refer back to our introduction episode where we explain it. The good news is you can be a starfish thrower too by subscribing to The Parent’s Place podcast and liking our social media pages. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others and help us get our message out to more people. Also, be sure to check the show notes for links to information referenced in this episode. That's all for now, but we'll catch you again next time on The Parent’s Place.
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