Transitioning back to a school routine can be challenging and feel hectic. Jen and Sara discuss ways to help your home run more smoothly during the school year.
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Jen: Hello and welcome to The Parents Place, a podcast put out by The Family Place for parents to develop skills that will strengthen families and provide tools that will help each of us in our parenting efforts. No matter our skills, we can always use reminders that help us work towards a safer, happier home. I'm your host Jennifer Daly, the education director at the Family Place and my co-host is Sara Hendricks, a family educator at the Family Place. Every week, we will interview professionals that will provide valuable information that will make a difference when you apply it directly to your life. Thank you for joining us. Now, let's get started with today's episode.
Sara: Hello and welcome to The Parents Place podcast, I'm your host, Sara Hendricks,
Jen: I'm your co-host, Jen Daly.
Sara: First and foremost, we want to give a shout out to all of our listeners in Arizona. You know who you are? Thank you so much for supporting our podcast and sharing it with people. We really appreciate it. We're thinking that this time of year, everybody is back in school or getting ready to go back to school and so we wanted to do an episode to give some tips on how to transition back into school and make your day go more smoothly once you're back into that school routine.
Jen: When I think about going back to school, I think the most important thing to start implementing reimplementing maybe are those routines that we have when kids are in school. And I think that's what we'll focus on today is those routines. Another important topic to cover is also validation, so I think first, probably mornings are probably the worst thing for parents, and either they're like myself and they're not morning people. So, to wake up early and get all your kids ready for school is super hard, especially if you're not that morning, person. So, setting up that morning routine can make that a little bit easier.
Sara: Yeah, not going to lie, I am definitely the family that my kids are late for school often, and it's not necessarily because of my kids. Oftentimes it's because of me and just not having a good routine set up for the morning and me sort of being lazy in what needs to get done. And so, I do plan to adjust this year and be better and so having some of these ideas that we're going to share are things that I absolutely plan on implementing.
Jen: Well, I think the first thing that we need to focus on is making sure that we have enough time. So, we're not running around like crazy people trying to get our kids ready for school because that only increases our energy level. And more than likely, it's not a comfortable place to be and then that translates to our kids to where their energy level is increasing as well. And with that comes more misbehaviors and more disagreements and arguments and things like that. So, if we can plan and give yourself enough time to get ready and out the door, that would be a big help in getting kids ready.
Sara: It definitely adds to the chaos when you're running behind schedule because you got up late and so that's something that I struggle with when my kids are sleeping. It's so hard for me to wake them like you never wake a sleeping child and so I always like, obviously, they are tired and need more sleep. I can't wake them, you know? But it just sets us up for failure if we're running behind schedule because I didn't wake my kids up.
Jen: So, do your older, oldest kids have alarms? Do you use alarms yet?
Sara: Yeah. We did start using maybe two school years ago, so let's see my oldest is in fifth grade. So, like third grade is probably when I started for her.
Jen: I had a family that I worked with years ago and she did not want to get an alarm clock. She had he was in fifth grade and she didn't want him picking out his clothes because she didn't want him to get bullied because he picked out clothes that didn't match or doing his hair. She always did his hair for him, so he looked put together because she was really worried about him getting bullied. But this created her a lot of stress because she was the one doing all of the work, waking up, getting them ready, you know? And so, I suggested an alarm clock and so he could get up, he is a fifth grade. Yeah, he can get up and get himself put together and really one wrong outfit or thinking he thinks it's really good and then he might get made fun of for a day. But that's a lesson learned to wear like, oh, maybe I should get my clothes out the day before and ask, Mom, do these look OK? Yeah. So, I think an alarm clock for older kids is super good idea. Yes, you want them to sleep they look cute, that's the cutest they'll ever look throughout the entire day is when they're sleeping. But take some of that responsibility off of you and start teaching your kids the alarm goes off, this is what we do.
Sara: So, with setting alarms obviously, we need to wake up with enough time but then one thing that I really want to implement this year is setting an alarm for a five-minute warning of when we need to walk out the door. And a second alarm for when it's time to leave because that's something in my house that we just kind of lose track of time. We stop looking at the clock and the next time I check it, 10 minutes has passed. You know, you forget and now we're running late and so having those warning alarms, I feel like a lot of households have some sort of device like the Alexa or.
Jen: We all have phones.
Sara: Yeah. Oh yeah. Even on your phone, just setting those alarms to remind you that this is your warning for needing to get out the door.
Jen: The thing I like about the Alexa is that you can set up all your Alexa says if you have multiple throughout your house to where the whole house is hearing it instead of just one.
Sara: Yeah, for sure. And sorry, if we're activating everybody's systems in their homes right now, I use that name so much, but that's something that I plan on implementing because I really do see that helping us be more successful to get out the door.
Jen: I think I might just do that for my husband because when it's my thing that we need to go for, he's like la di daa. But when it's his, it's like, we need to get going, so maybe I should set an alarm. Another great way to save some time is preparing as much as you can the night before so that you're not having to pick out clothes, pick out shoes that go along with the outfit, whatever you're going to do. I mean, even packing your lunches and getting them ready already that night before sticking them in the fridge, so they're ready just to grab and go doing all of that prep work prior guarantees that you know where everything is. You're not having to look for the left shoe because it wasn't with the right shoe or whatever, but that prep really is important. The more you can do, the better off you're going to be the next day.
Sara: Yeah, this is something that starts out really strong in my home because my kids are so excited for school so the night before the first day of school, they've done all of it without me even asking. So, they picked out their clothes and packed their backpacks and their lunch the night before and have it sitting in the fridge. And so, the first day of school went so smoothly because those things were already done. But as the school year progresses and the excitement dies out, that's when we start to struggle and start to be late getting to school. And so, keeping this routine and just making sure checking homework and stuff the night before making sure all those papers are signed that your kids need you to sign. Because that's happened to me, like as we're trying to get out the door, my kids are like, Mom, I need you to sign this. And so that puts a hiccup in our morning that causes more reason for us to be late. So just making sure we're doing all of those things throughout the year and not just in the beginning when it's exciting that we're back to school.
Jen: Well, I was just thinking, I mean, for older kids, they know when they have to have stuff signed. So, I'm thinking that could be a great opportunity to teach your kids about natural consequences. Say the time that I'm going to sign all of these things is the night before if you don't get them signed, then they're not going to be signed. If you have to wait until the next day, but it's a great way for them to learn natural consequences, just a little plug for consequences.
Sara: So, I think that kind of wraps up our thoughts about morning routine and just helping us get to school more smoothly. And so, then there's also an after-school routine that we have to set up to just help the school year function better, so, let's talk about homework.
Jen: Homework, homework, homework, everyone's nightmare. Not everyone's, but some people might love it. I don't know what my sister did, but from my perspective, when I was over their homework time, her girls always just sat down to their homework. So, I, that was just a foreign concept to me.
Sara: That's kind of how it is at my house I haven't really had homework battles with my kids. They just get it done and I think part of it is that they so desperately want to go play with their friends, and I won't let them until their homework’s done, and so they just get it done because they want to play.
Jen: I think with that, there's an expectation you set an expectation when they were super young kindergarten or whatever first grade. This is what happens and you followed through and that's the biggest thing that any parent can do is set the expectation and then follow through with it. Where we fall is when we don't follow through because then kids start thinking, Well, is she gonna make me do it today? Or could I push a little bit and she'll let me go out and do what I want anyways? And so, follow through is important.
Sara: And that goes with anything that your kid is motivated for so mine, it's to go play with their friends. But maybe for years, it's video games or the iPad or, you know, something else that they're really wanting to do, and they might be pushing buttons to get you to give in and let them do that thing. And so, following through with whatever expectations you have set as the parent and not giving in because once you give in, then they'll keep picking because they know they've gotten away with it before.
Jen: I always like to in parenting classes I ask if everyone's been to Vegas or somewhere where they've used a slot machine and most people know what a slot machine is. And why do we sit at those slot machines continually putting in that quarter? We're hoping for that payoff. And it's the same way with kids. They'll put in quarters poking you, bugging you and you all of those things waiting for that payoff. And if it takes ten times one day, then they'll try ten times the next day. But you might stick to it a little bit longer, but it's now 15 times. So, for random, like a slot machine is, then kids can't predict, they don't know that you're going to follow through and really kids thrive off of prediction knowing what's coming. And it's the same with that homework routine set the expectation and then follow through. And the more we can be consistent with it, the less fighting we're going to have from our kids. I think another lots and lots of kids have lots of different activities, and they may not do their homework right when they get home from school because they've got to go to dance or soccer or, you know, kids are making robots nowadays. So, they may be going to something like that. But we have a little break if it's right after school or if it's after an activity, give them a 15-minute break just to kind of relax and decompress from whatever they've done and then get them started on their homework and then set little breaks throughout homework, depending on how much they actually have to do that night. Some kids have lots of homework, so don't say, sit down and do your homework and expect them to sit there for three hours when they just spent the last six and a half hours in school. They're not going to do it without a fight so give them some breaks.
Sara: And little rewards as well.
Jen: It reminds me of this boy when I worked in the schools and he had trouble doing his homework and he hadn't done it again, so they sent him down to my room. I was called the Refocus Specialist, so I kind of dealt with all of the kids that kind of misbehaved but he was not really motivated to do anything. He had math that he needed to do but then he saw peanuts on my desk, he's like, Can I have a peanut? And I said, for one math problem, so he would do one multiplication problem, I'd give him a peanut. So, if you have a child that is that hard, that's something that you might try, but don't always give them a peanut, increase every single, you know, after a little bit. Now you got to do three problems before you get a peanut, now you've got to do six before you get a peanut. So just keep upping the ante a little bit.
Sara: Yeah, I like that.
Jen: So that you can phase it out because you don't want to always have to give it, we don't get rewards for everything all the time.
Sara: I think with this homework routine as well, whatever works for your family, depending on your various activities after school, whatever time you start homework time, be consistent in that and it's an opportunity to set a timer. Like, if you're having homework battles with your children, say, I need you to focus for 15 minutes and we're going to set a timer and once that timer goes off, then you get a five-minute break. Or whatever expectations you set up and have that timer help them be laser focused for those 15 minutes because they know a break is coming.
Jen: I think some of you might be thinking, oh my gosh, that's a lot to do, or I have to be in the same room with my child as they're doing their homework or this is just too much. And I agree it is a lot of stuff to do but I guarantee you if you've set up a routine, you follow through with that routine and you are there with your child encouraging them? You know, you got 15 minutes, you can do this, I know you can do it. If we're there, we can be making dinner or whatever but if we're there encouraging, we're there in the room, we're going to be spending a lot less time if we have a routine than if we didn't have a routine. If we don't have a routine, it's going to be a fight and we're going to spend all night long arguing over doing homework. In the long run, you're saving time.
Sara: And consistency really is key, I know as a parent myself, there are times that I have felt like nothing is working, and when I take a step back and think about it, it's because I haven't been consistent. I've tried something for a little bit, felt like it wasn't working, moved on and constantly changing. What I'm doing means I'm not being consistent in anything and so whatever you want to try, just be consistent in it and you'll find that it does work over time.
Jen: Because if we don't, if we're always changing our techniques, it's the same as that slot machine. We’re random and we're unpredictable and so that consistency is, it's key. I wish I could give everyone the little magic wand and say, you have consistency.
Sara: And one thing that I want to add in is this might feel overwhelming, but if you're consistent in doing it, eventually, you don't have to be present for when your kids are doing homework because they are used to the routine and it's setting them up for success. Because by the time they're in high school, hopefully you're not having to tell them to do their homework they're just doing it, and they already have a good study system in place. I know for myself my parents weren't big into school at all, and so they didn't check my homework or do anything like that and when I was in high school, I had the worst study habits. And it would be like 10 o'clock at night and I'd be like, oh man, I haven't done my homework yet and be up until like midnight. And so, if you're setting up these routines when your kids are young, you can carry with them through high school and college.
Jen: So, these are great techniques to start when they're young, there's also stuff that you can do when they are older. I mean, yeah, you're not going to be sitting there right next to them, but you can encourage them. You can ask questions, throw little things into your conversation, oh, it might be a good idea if you start on your homework or you know, you can start your homework now, or you can start it after dinner, whichever you choose. And so, giving them a little bit more power and control of the situation but if you start really young, you're not going to have to be very involved when they're high school students. But if you do have to start at that high school or middle school, that's when the encouragement and the reminders can be really helpful.
Sara: And by involved, we mean like sitting next to them, helping them with their homework. We still very much encourage parents to be involved in their children's education, yes, I want to make that clear. All right, finally, we just want to talk really quickly about a bedtime routine and I feel like a bedtime routine is something that isn't just for small children. You should have expectations no matter your child's age, if they're living in your home.
Jen: I think, first of all, setting up a time that they need to go to bed for your younger ones of course, they're going to need a lot more sleep than older kids. So, making sure that you do have a consistent bedtime that they're going to bed every night at the same time. I think with routines, it's just important, it's the same as that morning routine. You give yourself enough time, give yourself enough time to brush your teeth, make sure all of your stuff is ready for the next day for school so that they can go to sleep and they can focus on going to sleep instead of focusing on the things that they may have to do the next morning.
Sara: Yeah, for sure, it eases some of that stress and anxiety that our children can feel that we forget they might be feeling. Also, this is one for me, I'm like big on alarms this year, and so we're going to have an alarm set for seven p.m. We know it’s time to start our bedtime routine of showering, brushing teeth, bedtime snack if my children are wanting that bedtime story. And the goal is to be in bed by eight o'clock and then they have 30 minutes that they can read while they're in bed and lights out by 8:30. Just so that we're in better habits this year because just trying to make things run more smoothly, I think will help all of us.
Jen: Bedtime routine can also include a time to where you sit and talk, if that's once they've gotten into bed and you sit and talk, ask them how their day went if they have any worries for the next day. It's a great time to validate any feelings they are experiencing any stress or anxiety about going to school validation for feelings can eliminate a lot of other, you know stressful feelings. It can eliminate some behaviors, and kids just want to know that what they're feeling is normal and it's okay and that you're there to listen to them as well.
Sara: Well, Jen, can you think of anything else that we want to share? Well, I think
Jen: Well I think we've done we've covered a lot for the podcast. I think if people have questions, we would love to have you do a recording on the anchor app and we would be happy to answer any questions that you may have. If we don't have the questions Sarah and I are, we have 80 people in our organization that we can turn to for help and we also have lots of research information. So, ask those questions and we will do our best to answer them or get the answers for you.
Sara: Yeah, you can send us that voice recording or an email at parents@TheFamilyPlaceUtah.org.
Jen: Or you can reach us on social media on Facebook. Sara Hendricks Dash The Family Place or Jen Daly Dash The Family Place.
Sara: And we have a Facebook group called The Parents Place. You can find us there as well.
Jen: If you would like to receive a text message on parenting tips twice a week, text “TFP” 33222. Thanks so much for listening today we hope that you have a great week and we will see you back here next week.
Sara: Thanks again for listening. The family places a non-profit organization in Logan, Utah, with a mission to strengthen families and protect children. We call ourselves starfish throwers. If you're unsure what that means, refer back to our introduction episode where we explain it. The good news is you can be a starfish thrower too by subscribing to the Parents Place podcast and liking our social media pages. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others and help us get our message out to more people. Also, be sure to check the show notes for links to information referenced in this episode. That's all for now, but we'll catch you again next time on the Parents Place.
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