Self-care is often put on the back burner, but it's important for each of us and something we need to make time for on a regular basis. Cassie Alarcon gives helpful, worthwhile information in understanding what self-care is and how we can implement it in our lives.
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Jen: Hello and welcome to The Parent’s Place, a podcast put out by The Family Place for parents to develop skills that will strengthen families and provide tools that will help each of us in our parenting efforts. No matter our skills, we can always use reminders that help us work towards a safer, happier home. I'm your host Jennifer Daly, the education director at the Family Place and my co-host is Sara Hendricks, a family educator at the Family Place. Every week, we will interview professionals that will provide valuable information that will make a difference when you apply it directly to your life. Thank you for joining us. Now, let's get started with today's episode. Hi and welcome to The Parent’s Place podcast. Today we are revisiting our self-care episode. We are now a month into summer and kids being out of school. We thought maybe many of us could use a refresher on self-care and the importance of taking some time for ourselves. We hope those in the states are having a fabulous 4th of July. We would love to give a shout out to Salt Lake City and all of their support. We would also like to welcome Mexico for joining us in our listener pool. We hope that you will enjoy the refresher on self-care. Let's begin. Hi and welcome back to the Parents Place podcast. My name is Jen Daly and I'm your host today, and Sarah Hendricks is the co-host. Say hello, Sara.
Sara: Hello.
Jen: All right. Today we have a great guest. Her name is Cassie Alarcon, and she is going to introduce herself.
Cassie: Hi, Jen and Sarah, thanks for having me on today. So, I'm a family educator who works at The Family Place. I've been here for about a year and a half and I absolutely love my job. I get to do in home visits where I help teach parenting classes, and I'm also a certified mental health first aid instructor. I'm also a mom of my own two little kids and stay plenty busy at home.
Sara: Thank you, Cassie. We're so excited to have you here. Today, we're talking about a topic that is often misunderstood, neglected and ignored, but yet is something that every single person needs, and that is self-care. Cassie, we're so excited for you to share more about this topic and your experiences and expertise. So, can you tell us more about self-care? What is that exactly?
Cassie: Yeah. So, self-care is basically anything that we do to take care of ourselves. And I'm not just talking about taking care of our health and our physical bodies, though that is part of it. But self-care encompasses so much more. It's taking care of ourselves emotionally, spiritually and mentally. It can include things like taking care of our finances and making sure that we're doing things to not burn out with our work responsibilities. The trick about self-care is that we just need to be intentional about the things that we're doing to take care of ourselves.
Jen: Thank you for that explanation, Cassie. Self-care is probably the hardest thing that I continually think about that I need to do. It's always the last on my list. And so maybe helping us understand why it is so important can help people put it at the top of their list instead of the bottom of their list. So why is it so important, Cassie?
Cassie: Self-care is important just to help prevent burnout. I think any parent knows what I'm talking about when I talk about those extremely stressful moments where you feel like you just can't take one more thing or you're just too tired to deal with anything else that day. What self-care does is allows us the time to recharge our batteries so that we can be more present with our kids. When I teach self-care to the parents that I work with, I often use the analogy of an oxygen mask on an airplane, right? If you've ever taken a flight, you've probably heard the safety induction that the flight attendants give, and they explain that if the cabin pressure ever changes inside that airplane, the first thing that you're supposed to do when those oxygen masks drop down is to put your own on. I know that sounds kind of backward, especially if you can imagine yourself sitting there with your child next to you. You'd want to help them first. But the point of doing it for yourself is so that you don't pass out before you finish helping everyone else. So, the same principle applies to self-care, even though we may feel like the needs of others are more important or we care more about taking care of our children and family than we do about taking care of ourselves if we don't take the time to do that self-care. Then eventually we're going to burn out and not be able to give our family what they really need from us.
Jen: I'm thinking right now self-care and what I do on a regular basis for it, and I don't do anything really on a regular basis that I plan. But like right now, my little chihuahua is sitting on my lap and I am able to pet her and kind of lowers my energy or able to help me relax a little bit. So, I'm doing self-care right now. I'm pretty proud of myself.
Sara: Well, that's awesome, Jen. I'm glad that you have that and we don't think about sometimes those simple little things that can count as self-care. I love that visual that you gave Cassie that really brings to life the importance of self-care that if we're not taking care of ourselves, then we won't have anything left to give to our kids or to others. We have to put that oxygen mask on for ourselves first so that we're able to provide for those around us. I know for myself there's a significant difference in my ability to be there for my kids when I've practiced self-care and when I haven't. So, Cassie, can you give us some ideas on ways to practice self-care?
Cassie: Of course, I wish there was just one answer to that question one recipe for success in self-care, and there's really not. It's going to vary so much from person to person. Jen mentioned having a chihuahua on her lap. I don't like dogs, so that would not work for me, right? But there's other things that work for me, and I think each individual person just needs to take the time to really consider what makes me feel good and what do I enjoy? And that can be their form of self-care. But if I was to explain Self-care to someone and guide them and thinking of what things might work best for them. I would do so by explaining that there's basically two types of self-care. There's in the moment self-care that we can use when we're having, like a wellness emergency. We're feeling very stressed or overwhelmed. Those are things like a personal mantra or taking a deep breath counting to 10 or saying silent prayer. There's a lot of little in the moment things that we can do, maybe without even people around us noticing that we're doing them. They can help us recharge your batteries and feel better. The second type of self-care is the more ongoing or long-term self-care, and these are things that we may have to plan out, take time for and be a little bit more intentional about like maybe taking time to watch our favorite TV show or read a book, go out with friends or go on a date with our partner and things like that.
Jen: So, you said that there's two different kinds the one in the moment and then the ones that take time. And I think the hardest one for myself and for I'm hoping for other people. I hope it's not just me, but making time for it. How do you suggest that we go about making time for self-care?
Cassie: There's a few different things that I would suggest. First of all, I would say to be mindful about the things you're already doing, right? Maybe on your to do list for today is mop the floor. And if you're like me, you don't like to do that. But you can make it a self-care moment by turning on a podcast you enjoy or listening to some music and dancing while you're mopping. Maybe you need to cook dinner, or you can choose to make that self-care by cooking creatively, maybe trying a new recipe or a new technique. Something that works good for me, something that I have to do anyway is go grocery shopping. But if I take time to do it at night when my kids are tucked in bed, I can leave my husband home with them and go to the store by myself. That's a moment where I can recharge. I get to be in the car alone by myself and just spend some time walking around the grocery store with my own thoughts instead of worrying about if my children are still with me. So, doing self-care around things that are already part of your day is a really helpful way to make sure that you have time for it. Another thing I would say if you're worried about having time for self-care is to make a plan, maybe block out some time in your schedule and make arrangements if necessary, to make it happen. So, this could mean, you know, arranging a babysitter to come watch your kids or asking your spouse or a friend or somebody to support you in making sure that it happens.
Sara: I really like that. That's a good idea to have a partner that supports you in it, whether it's your spouse or a friend or a sibling, somebody that can help support you in your self-care. I don't think I've ever intentionally scheduled in self-care, at least not as a regular practice. I mean, sure, I've participated in girls’ nights and I get out of the house every now and then without my kids. But I do need to be better about scheduling daily time for myself that's intentional. Like you were saying with mopping the floor and listening to a podcast while I do it or whatever it may be. Maybe it just means that I need to be better at labeling what I'm already doing a self-care and recognizing that it's doing something for myself to help me recharge. Know, maybe I need to do something before I mop the floor because I don't enjoy doing that. So, do a little self-care and then I'm ready to mop the floor. Or maybe it's recovering after I'm off, before I do something to, that's self-care for me, for recharging after that. So, with that, would you say that it's time consuming? I mean, here I am saying I need to be better at intentionally scheduling it out. But does that mean I'm committing to more than I can handle? And all the other things on my to do list are going to get neglected.
Cassie: Not necessarily. Self-care does not need to be time consuming, right? You can take as much or as little time as you need or have in that day. The important thing is just to make it a priority and make sure that it happens. And I would just add too, one thing that I've noticed come up a couple of times today is mentioning that we need to get away from our kids to do self-care, and I would just like to put a plug in for that kind of self-care that can happen with our kids, too. Sometimes we need some good family together time as part of our self-care. I know for me getting down on the floor and playing with my two-year-old, giving her my undivided attention can remind me of why I love to be a mom, and it's definitely a form of self-care.
Sara: I love that you mention that about doing self-care with our kids, because just last night I took my oldest. She's nine to the store with me and it was just the two of us. And so, it was a moment for us to spend quality time together, and it actually was really good for both of us. I enjoyed that time with her. We got to have conversations that we otherwise wouldn't have had probably at home with other distractions and interruptions. And I'm pretty sure she never stopped talking the whole time we were there and we were at the store for an hour and she just talked my ear off. But it was really enjoyable for me to have that connection with her, that it was self-care to take time out of our day to just spend quality time together. I really enjoyed that. So, I like that you're tying in that self-care can include our families and our children and building our relationships together and spending time together.
Jen: I love all these examples and lots of times I think about things that I would love to do for self-care. But then I think, Oh, I don't have time for that or I don't have money for that. So, lots of times people think of self-care as that massage that getting your hair color. Does it have to be expensive?
Cassie: That's a really good point to bring up, Jen. Thank you. Because I think often times the first places our minds go when we hear self-care is to those sorts of things that do cost money. Self-care can be expensive and it can cost money, but it can also be completely free. Again, it just depends on each person and what they choose to do. But if you're listening to this podcast and thinking, Oh, I wish I could afford to do some self-care, please don't let that be a barrier. There are plenty of cheap or even free things that you can do. One example that I like to suggest to families is that they can trade baby sitting with another family or find a family member of their own who would be willing to watch their kids for free. So, they don't have the cost of babysitting, and then they can go out and do a free activity like a hike or a walk. They could pack a picnic and go sit in a park or even just go home and have the house to yourself for a little while. Maybe watch a movie and eat some popcorn. There's plenty of things that you can do for free to enjoy self-care.
Sara: I love that you said that about trading babysitting. I second your comment on that because I'm a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child, and trading babysitting is one of those simple things that we can do as neighbors and friends that really make a huge difference for a parent that needs it. So, I personally would never charge another mom for me to watch her kids from time to time. But I look at it as we're all just helping each other out. I'll watch your kids and then maybe sometime in the future when I need it, you'll watch mine. Now I feel like it goes without saying, but I'm going to say it anyway. This doesn't include the moms who babysit long term or open up their homes for a daycare setting. I'm talking about those random from time to time moments, not a daily regular thing. It's not an opportunity to take advantage of stay at home moms or anything like that. And of course, we as moms also have to do what's best for us and learn how to say no if it's not something that we can fit into our day to watch someone else's child for a couple of hours. But for me, that's just something simple that I'm able to do to help moms out, to help them be able to do some self-care and take time for themselves. Also, when all of this pandemic stuff started happening in the beginning back in April, forever ago, it feels like. I felt so concerned about all of the parents that now all of our children are doing school at home. And what does our self-care look like? I know that for everybody, it got put on the back burner, probably when we needed it the most. We were not doing it. And self-care is something that it doesn't cost a ton of money. I mean, it doesn't have to cost any money. We don't necessarily even have to get out of the house like you were saying. It can be those planned date nights at home, but it can be like Jen mentioned, holding her dog is self-care. You know, it doesn't have to cost money. It can be simple things we already do for ourselves. But we need to intentionally label it as self-care and recognize that this is something we're doing to take time for ourselves. For me, that's sitting at the piano daily and running through a few songs. It's also every time I sit down and read a book or listen to an episode from one of the many podcasts that I enjoy. These things don't cost any money, but they make a big difference and feeling like I've done something for myself that builds me back up. And I think recognizing that as self-care helps me feel like my day wasn't all about everyone else, but that there are bits and pieces there that were just, for me, so planned intentional self-care. These are great ideas, but how can a parent really make this happen and stick to it long term?
Cassie: It is so easy to let self-care slide to the bottom of our To-Do list. Or even forget about it entirely, so I would say write it down, make a plan of what you're going to do and write it down and then put it in the place where you will see it often maybe hanging on the fridge or on me, or you could put an alarm or reminder in your phone whatever you need to do to have some sort of written reminder. So, you can't just say that you forgot. Another thing that I found to be really helpful in making sure that I get myself care done is to have a self-care buddy, somebody that can check in with me, ask me how I knew going and ask me specifically what I'm doing to take care of myself. For me, that's my boss. But it can be your spouse or a parent, a friend, a family member. Just pick someone and ask them to do that small favor for you.
Jen: I love self-care buddies and asking each other how we're doing and what we're doing to take care of ourselves so important as parents to take that step to better ourselves, to take time for ourselves and rejuvenate. That way, we can give our best to our kids. I also love that Sarah said that sometimes you just need to learn to say no. And in that I had a little aha moment of just saying no is self-care, because you're not taking on more than what you should be taking on. Like, I always hear the importance of say no, but you know, we always feel guilty if we don't do what we've been asked, but we need to know what our limits are. And I know that when we're overwhelmed, we're not taking on more things. So, you have shared lots of examples. Do you have any other success stories that you would like to share with us of people that have implemented self-care and it has done them good or changed something that they were dealing with?
Cassie: Yes, of course. There's a lot of stories that I could share in my time working with families and specifically talking to parents about the challenges of parenting and teaching them about self-care. I've been able to see a lot of people implement this and see a difference in their lives. It's always fun for me to come back to a visit with the family after teaching them about self-care and hear what a difference it's made, even if they've only done something small. Not too long ago, I was working with a mom who was feeling very burnt out and overwhelmed. She was working double shifts at her job while trying to care for her six kids, and it was just too much. So then when I came in and started talking to her about self-care, she really viewed it as one more thing on her plate that she just didn't have time for. With a little bit of convincing, I was able to get her to commit to do one thing. Now, if I remember right, she chose to go on a short walk every day for her self-care. Two weeks later, when I went back to follow up with her and see how it had gone, she said that it made such a big difference. She felt so much better. And even though her circumstances hadn't changed, she felt less stressed. And she also mentioned that her 12-year-old daughter had noticed what was going on and had noticed the difference. And she told her mom, “You seem different. I feel like I got my mom back.” And that story has just stuck out in my mind as a perfect example of self-care. That's what it's all about is taking care of ourselves so that we can be ourselves.
Jen: I always think people think that self-care is selfish and really, it's not. It's really that you're filling your love bucket. You're filling yourself back up so that you can be the best for everybody else that you are helping and living with and trying to make them the best human beings that they can be as well.
Sara: For sure, refilling our love bucket. I love what Cassie said about the little girl saying I feel like I got my mom back. Because that mom was refilling her bucket, she was able to give to her child, and I'm sure that strengthened their relationship together. So, self-care is so important for how we function together as families and just as citizens in our community, as neighbors and friends and coworkers. Self-care plays a part in everything that we do, so a little success story of my own about myself I've been struggling a lot lately, just overall with my mental health and feeling unsure of the world right now. It's really made me kind of drag in my day to day responsibilities and not really want to participate in anything outside of the daily grind. You know, we are just making it through the day to get to the next day. That's all that I cared about. So, one day I decided I wanted to snap out of my funk and plan a festive dinner for my kids. It wasn't anything extravagant. We ate baked potato soup with dinner rolls. But we ate it on festive plates and bowls, and I made a festive creamsicle type drink and a dessert that we call dirt and worms. It's like pudding with crushed cookies layered in between. And it has a gummy worm on the top. But it's something festive and fun to kind of go along with Halloween and get us ready for the holiday that's coming. But my kids, they each got to help make their own individual servings of the desserts. They got to put it in their own little cups. And so, it was time that we got to spend together that ended up being a lot of fun, and it really lifted my spirits overall and gave me something to focus on that wasn't negative and overwhelming. Plus, it was something that I really looked forward to and gave me quality time with my kids making fun memories. I had a lot of fun just coming up with the ideas and planning it that we did it on a Monday and on Saturday I was like, Maybe we can just do it today. I didn't want to wait until Monday. I was really excited about it, so it absolutely served its purpose. It fills me back up and helped project me into having a more positive attitude. So, self-care, simple things, bigger things, whatever it is, it can really help change our mindset and get us into a better place where we can function better. Now, Cassie, you've shared a lot of information that has been really helpful, but do you have any resources that you can offer to help parents know where to go for more information on this topic?
Cassie: The first thing that comes to my mind is a resource that The Family Place offers, and it's something that I've seen be really helpful for families in different situations. The Kids Place is a place where parents can bring their children ages 11 and under. They can schedule a two-hour time slot called Respite Care, where they get to come in once a week and have fun doing art, playing outside and doing different activities while their parents get some alone time to do self-care or whatever they need to work on. It really is a Win-Win. There is also date nights care at The Kids Place where parents single or married can bring their kids on a Saturday evening and be able to have some time for themselves. So that's a great resource for those listeners that are near The Family Place. There are many other resources that can help you with your self-care. It really just depends on what kind of self-care you choose to do. You can try new things. YouTube is a great resource for learning how to do different things. You can also look up mindfulness videos like the ones on the family place website to help you get ideas and learn new strategies for some of those in the moment self-care things that I mentioned earlier. You can use meditation apps like Headspace or try self-help books. You can even just get a library card and go find some books that would help you with your self-care. Again, just decide what kind of self-care you want to do and then research resources either local or online. That might help you with that.
Jen: I'm sure if you put it in Google self-care, lots of things will come up. So, there's lots of places you can go and find that information. I just wanted a really quick thanks, Sarah, for sharing that she was having a difficult time and kind of in a funk. I think sometimes we are afraid to say “I'm not in the best place right now,” and it's really not a bad thing to tell others to tell friends, sisters, parents, whatever that.” You know what? I'm kind of in a slump and I need some help getting out of that slump so that I can function a little bit better”. So, I appreciate that, and I think that probably could be a whole podcast by itself is the importance of talking about when things are hard and instead of being ashamed of things being hard, being open to the fact that others can help us with our self-care to get us out of those funds. So, thank you, Sarah.
Sara: It is definitely hard to open up and be vulnerable because you don't want that judgment. You don't want people to look at you differently and think that you're weak or that you can't do it on your own. And media social media plays a part in that because we're always seeing everybody's highlight reel. We're never seeing behind the scenes. And so, we think when we're struggling, we just need to figure it out and do better because nobody else is struggling. And that's not true. Everybody has their struggles. And maybe if we all opened up a little more and shared more about that, we could relate to each other and be able to help each other out rather than just doing it all on our own. Like I said, it takes a village. We need each other, we need support from each other. So, I just want to thank Cassie for taking time out of her schedule to educate us on self-care. This is such an important topic for us as parents to learn more about and gain a better understanding of why self-care is so important for us to participate in. As Cassie and Jen both shared, we often feel guilty when we're taking time to focus on ourselves. But ultimately, we all need time to recharge your batteries so that we are better equipped to be the kind of parents that we want to be for our children if we're running on fumes. There's nothing left in our tank to give to anybody else, so we have to recharge. We have to fill back up. So, we have what it takes to give to others. And so that we're not just feeling completely empty all the time. There's so much to self-care that really, we've only touched the surface, and I'm sure we're going to have more episodes expanding on this topic. I can tell you that next week's episode is going to touch on this in a different way that really will help us look at self-care in a whole new light. You know, there's self-care when we're headed into a hard situation, there's self-care when we're in the thick of it, there's self-care when we're recovering from something that was hard and overwhelming. And next week's episode, we'll talk more about that. There are all different ways that we can practice self-care, so the things that Cassie shared was really valuable and something that we can each practice and get better at to be able to be the kind of parents that we want to be and the kind of person, not just when we're parents, but overall. So, thank you, Cassie, for all that you shared with us. If you have any questions or need more information about this topic, please contact us. Currently, the best way to contact either myself or Jen is by going to the Family Place website. You can find that at TheFamilyPlaceUtah.org and click on the Contact tab and we'll get back to you. That will also be linked in the show notes that that's easier for you to go there and just click the link. That's all that we have time for with this episode. Now go out and practice self-care so you can be the best version of yourself.
Thanks again for listening. The family places a non-profit organization in Logan, Utah, with a mission to strengthen families and protect children. We call ourselves starfish throwers. If you're unsure what that means, refer back to our introduction episode where we explain it. The good news is you can be a starfish thrower too by subscribing to the Parents Place podcast and liking our social media pages. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others and help us get our message out to more people. Also, be sure to check the show notes for links to information referenced in this episode. That's all for now, but we'll catch you again next time on The Parent’s Place.
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