While Holidays are filled with fun traditions and family time, they can also get expensive. With last minute shopping, holiday parties, and gifts, budgets often take big hits during this time of year. Tifanie shares great ways to make a plan and stick to a budget during the holiday season.
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Jen: Hello and welcome to the Parents Place, a podcast put out by The Family Place for parents to develop skills that will strengthen families and provide tools that will help each of us in our parenting efforts. No matter our skills, we can always use reminders that help us work towards a safer, happier home. I'm your host, Jennifer Daly, the education director at The Family Place and my co-host is Sara Hendricks, a family educator at the Family Place. Every week, we will interview professionals that will provide valuable information that will make a difference when you apply it directly to your life. Thank you for joining us. Now, let's get started with today's episode.
Sara: Hello and welcome back to the Parents Place podcast. I'm your host, Sara Hendricks, along with my co-host Jen Daly. Say Hi, Jen.
Jen: Hello, everyone.
Sara: I'm so excited for our guest today. Her name is Tifanie Findlay, and she is going to share with us information about staying on our budget during the holiday season. So, I'm excited to learn from her and be able to apply the things that she is going to talk about because heaven knows I need some help with this. So first, let's start, Tifanie if you'll go ahead and just introduce yourself to us,
Tifanie: OK, like Sarah said, my name is Tifanie Findlay. I have been married for just about 14 years, coming up in January. I have seven children. Two of them are my biological children and five are adopted. And the fun thing about our family is they're all really close in age. So, the youngest is seven and the oldest is only 12. So, we got a lot of kids jam packed in there, but it makes for fun times all the time. I work at The Family Place, I work there for three years and I'm in the education department. I go into the schools and teach a child abuse prevention program. And I really love my job just because I have children of my own who have struggled with abuse and so it's fun to be able to go into those schools and share that back with those kids. I, just some fun tips about me, I really like sports of all kind. I grew up playing soccer and basketball, but I really love watching football. And most of my time now is spent running around to all my kids’ activities. So that's a little about me.
Jen: Thank you, Tifanie. We love having you at The Family Place and we love hearing about and meeting all your kids as well. They are fun bunch of kids. So, for today, like you say, we're talking about holidays on a budget. And I have never been good with budgets, so this will be good information for me. And I know one thing that's really hard for parents is society says You know, let's keep up with one another. Let's have the same things that each other has or one up them. So how can we, as parents, kind of put blinders on to all of that, to where we're staying in our budget and not keeping up with the Joneses?
Tifanie: That's a good question, Jen. Like you, I was never good at keeping a budget until I suddenly had such a huge family and I had to learn how to budget, or we just didn't have enough money to make it every month. And so, I think the most important thing about not comparing yourself to others and keeping up with the Joneses, like you said, is to have a plan, especially around the holidays. You know, you need to set your budget early and you need to have your kids make lists and know what they're wanting so that you have that plan and you can stick to that plan. I think when we don't have a plan, we see what our friends are buying their kids or you know what vacations our friends are going on around the holidays. And we're like, Oh, we haven't thought about it. Yeah, that would be fun, let's go do that. And suddenly we spend all this extra money because we didn't have a plan and we didn't think ahead. Another thing I think is to start your own traditions, find something that you love that you want to share with your family so that they start to look forward to that every year. Oh, our family does this every year instead of, oh, the Joneses they're doing this. So, starting your own traditions, I think is huge. One thing we started with our kids when they were young is we do a fun Christmas Eve where we just stay home with our immediate family and we wrap gifts in a big giant box. And it's just a big family present and we'll put anything in there from like pajamas or new pillows or slippers or something like that they can wear that evening and then an activity, so either a puzzle or a movie or something we watch together. And so, my kids get so excited for that part of the holidays that Christmas Eve because they know it's just us and together. And so, yeah, having a plan starting your own traditions so that you're not always comparing. And then one little trick, I guess for me, we aren't big spenders. We don't buy tons and tons of gifts for our kids, but something we do is we wrap everything. So, everything in the stocking is wrapped. If they get a tube of Chapstick, we wrap that. A candy bar, we wrap that. And then we take turns opening those gifts. And so, it feels like the kids are getting a lot of things, even though they aren't necessarily cost a lot of money.
Sara: Oh man, that is a lot of wrapping with nine people in the family, I can't even imagine. Good for you guys.
Jen: Well, my question is Tifanie, my mom used to put peanuts like peanuts in their shell. So, would you wrap each individual peanut?
Tifanie: No, I think that's a little bit overkill, Jen. Maybe like a bag of peanuts.
Sara: I think that is so important to have a plan. It's so easy to look around and see what everybody else is doing and feel like you need to keep up with them and not necessarily think about how much it costs. And it's also easy to get down in the dumps and feel like how are they able to afford all of these things? And we can't, you know, and you don't know their story, you don't know how they're affording things. Maybe they're putting it all on credit cards? Who knows? And so, it's important to keep your head down and just focus on your own family and create whatever budget is appropriate for your family so that you're not worried about what everybody else is doing. So, another thing when it comes to the holidays is that it tends to present a lot of opportunities for gift exchanges. You know, you give gifts to neighbors and co-workers and friends. Maybe your kids do a cousin exchange and you have your extended family, your kids, school teachers, church groups, white elephants. The list can go on and on. So, Tifanie, how do parents decide which activities to participate in and which ones they should set aside and not feel bad that they're not doing them?
Tifanie: Oh, that's a tough question, Sara, because I think it goes back to your family situation and your budget, right? But one thing I think that you can prepare for is if you think back from like the previous year and think, what were we asked to participate in that year? Did our friends do a gift exchange with some of their best friends at school? Did we do cousin gift exchange? And so, if you start thinking about those things early on, like October November, you can start setting aside money for those things early so that come December, when your sister in law calls and says, Hey, the cousins are all exchanging gifts, you're not in that panic of, Oh, I don't have money. Especially with me, with my seven kids, even if we did a five-dollar gift exchange with cousins that adds up really fast. So, I think once again, sticking to a plan, thinking ahead and knowing what you can afford and what you can't and then just choose from there. But some ways I was thinking about of how you can save money during those gift exchanges is doing something simple, but presenting it in a unique way. So, a lot of times during the holidays, you can get like a five or 10 pack of Chapstick for a few dollars. And for girls, they always love Chapstick, right? So, there's cute tags and principles all over Pinterest that are free, like one I'm thinking of, for instance, says like, Merry “Kiss” mas. So, take your Chapstick, attach it to that cute tag, and suddenly that 50 cent tube of Chapstick looks so much cuter and so much more appealing, and feels like a better gift than if you were just to hand your friend a piece of Chapstick. So, I think you can take things like that and how you present them make such an impact. This year, we do neighbor gifts every year, we always tend to have tons of people stop by our door, leaving us treats or whatever, and I personally always feel bad if I don't have something to hand them back in return. And so, for the last few years, I started making neighbor gifts like in November so that come December 1st, I just set a basket by my front door, literally. And I tell my kids, if anyone drops off anything, just hand them one of these treats. And so, this year, I thought it would be fun to do something around the theme of 2020, since it's been such a crazy year with the coronavirus. And I was just scrolling through Pinterest one day, and I saw this cute little principle that someone made and it was The Grinch, and he had his little hands sticking out, holding a face mask that had 20 20 written on it. And then off to the side it said, “Stink, Stank, Stunk.” And I just thought that was so cute. So, I printed off a bunch of those and went to a craft store and bought some foam sheets, glued them to the foam sheets. My kids helped me poke a hole in the top, thread some ribbon through and their little ornaments that we're going to give our neighbors to hang on their tree. I think I spent four dollars and made about 50 ornaments. And so, there's lots of things you can do for those gift exchanges that don't cost very much money but can have a really big impact. If you think about the presentation.
Jen: I have seen that ornament as well and I have wanted to get it because I just think it describes this year perfectly. And so, I like your idea of simplifying it and putting on a piece of foam sheet so you can hand out to those that come to your door. I was also thinking in the past I have heard and this is something that I've wanted to apply every year and I have yet to do it, so I need to make a goal to do it this next year. To just buy an Amazon gift card every paycheck for 20 bucks to spend on Christmas. What an easy way of that would be to budget out your year and plan ahead, because that's the other thing that I always get myself for is, like "Jen, you knew this was coming up for 11 months, why did you leave it until the last month to get it put together?" So, thank you for those good ideas.
Tifanie: Jen, that just made me think of something else that I do every year. I keep a box that we call our birthday box, and what we do is any time I go into a store, I always go through the toy aisle just really quick. And I just look, if there's anything on clearance or anything cheap that my kids would like and I just buy it each time I go grocery shopping. So, it doesn't have to be a lot like five or 10 bucks. And I keep it in this birthday box at my house so that we use it for if my kids get asked to a birthday party, we always have that birthday box of gifts that we can go grab. But so many times, you know, it'll be the week before Christmas, and I'm going through all the kids' stuff to see who has what and one kid has less. Or I just need something to supplement, you know, one or two kids so I can pull out that birthday box. And there's always little gifts in there that I can use to supplement what I already have. So that's another thing I do to help. You know so it's not so last minute that I know I always have on hand and you can put anything in there, toys, slime. Sometimes we'll go into Claire's and they have big clearance sales and so we'll get little earrings or friendship necklaces. And so, I make sure it's something I know my kids will like as well. And then I use that all the time to supplement.
Jen: It's a great idea. Thanks for sharing that. And I think this kind of goes perfectly into our next question for you is how can a family stick to a budget?
Tifanie: That question actually makes me really excited, Jen, because like three days ago, my sister in law was at my house and she showed me this app that I have like, fallen in love with. So, it is called the Christmas Gift List app, and it has a picture of like a red present if you're looking for it. And what it is you can go in there and you can add all of your kids or whoever you're buying gifts for. You set an amount that you want to spend on that child and then then you add the gifts that they are asking for. And then once you purchase the gift, there's a button that you can click purchased. And then once you wrap it, there's a button that you can click wrap, and then there's little button that says, Shop now. So, you hit the Shop Now button, and it will take you to all the sites that have that gift so you can compare prices right there if you're an online shopper. I personally like to go into stores because I like to see everything. I don't know. Part of part of the holidays for me is seeing all the stores decorated, but I know there's lots of people that just like the shop online. So anyways, and then it keeps a running total of how much you spent. And so, you just click on and you look at your balance and it says you spent four hundred of your one-thousand-dollar budget and then you can click on each individual person and it will tell you you've spent $50 of your hundred-dollar budget for that kid as well. The reason I love this app so much is I'm a list person. When I go to the store, I have to have a list. And so, during Christmas time, I make my kids all make me a list. And so, they'll make it, and then I'll shove it in my purse. And who knows what it gets on it through the month of December, and I'm walking into the store to do shopping, and I start pulling out all those lists, and I'm like searching through each one trying to figure out what I bought already. And so, it's nice to have this app that I just click on and it's all right there for me. And I love that feature of you can mark when you bought something because I don't know if anyone else is like me, but I buy gifts and shove them in a drawer or up on top of my closet and find them in March and April and like, “Oh yeah, I bought this gift for you for Christmas”. Here, have it for your birthday. So, it's just a nice way to keep me on track just on my phone.
Jen: What was the name of that app again?
Tifanie: Christmas gift list app.
Jen: Sounds like a good one.
Tifanie: And then another thing I was thinking with budget is little things add up so fast, and so sometimes I find myself, you know, at Christmas walking down the holiday candy aisle and I see cute little Pez dispensers and one two three four five six seven, and there are those in my car right for my seven kids. And then the next time I'm at the store, I see dumb little pins that have Santa Claus on the end of them. So once again, seven more there are those in the bag. And I think I probably spend hundreds of dollars on those dumb little things that I'm like. If I would just not do that and just save $10 and go buy my child something for $10 instead. You know, it might be something that they would like better than these little things, because sometimes I feel like I do try and keep up with the Joneses, and I'm like, they need all these little things to feel like they have a lot. But in all reality, my child would prefer a $10 Lego set over, you know, a Pez dispenser and a pen and a notebook. So, I think you can save a lot of money that way by not spending all those little dollar items.
Sara: Yes, I totally agree. That is something that I have made it a point to not put a bunch of dollar store items in the Christmas stocking because those essentially are things that just end up in the garbage. And it's just to fill the stocking to make your kids feel like they got stuff in their stockings. And it doesn't serve any purpose. It's just a waste of money. And so, I try really hard to put things in there that they're going to use and fill it with things that are going to get used up and thrown away because it's now empty, you know. And so, we might include like a drink that we don't typically buy that they would love and that takes up space in the stocking. But they're going to love it and use it, and then it's no longer taking up space in my home. So, I do love that suggestion of making more of a plan and not just buying all these little trinkety things for the sake of filling up the stockings. You're definitely blowing my mind with that Christmas gift list app. I had no idea that existed, and that just sounds so amazing to stay organized and stick to the budget. I will admit that I get really overwhelmed this time of year. For one, because giving and receiving gifts isn't my love language. Which maybe you don't know what that means to have a love language, and that will be a podcast episode in the future. But just it's not something that speaks to me to give and receive gifts. And so, I really struggle, and it causes me a lot of stress to give gifts to other people because I know that it matters and it's important to them. And so, I want to do it right, but I don't feel like I'm good at it. So just all around, I feel a lot of stress this time of year. On top of that, all of the money that I see going out causes me a lot of stress. And so, for me, that planning ahead and admittedly I am already 90 percent done with Christmas shopping. There are very few things that I have left to do, including like I have most everything that we need to fill the stocking. So, like, I just have to be on top of it because this time of year causes me so much stress that I don't get to enjoy it otherwise if I still had all of that on my plate. Honestly, what was causing me a lot of stress this year is not knowing how shipping was going to work and not feeling like I could just go into a store and do the shopping that I needed to. And so, I just needed it out of the way to know that it's all in my home and ready to go under the tree and not feeling the stress of are we going to get the things that we need to make the holiday what we want.
Jen: Right now, I'm shaking my head at you, Sara. I have not thought about purchasing one thing. I don't know when I'll think about purchasing a thing. It'll probably be two weeks before Christmas. And then I get really stressed. So good for you. But I'm just like shaking my head like, Oh, Jen, you're so far behind the game.
Tifanie: I also feel your stress of the not knowing what shipping is going to happen this year. It's stressed me out huge because I've ordered several birthday presents this year for my kids, but haven't shown up. And then, like you said, the stress of going into the store when is the a store open or do they even have what we need in there? Yeah, it's been, I think, a stressor for everybody this year. So good for you for being prepared.
Sara: So, with all of the excitement that comes with Christmas, especially, our kids can get so excited about giving gifts to their friends and their cousins and whoever, and they may not necessarily have a concept of money and how much this stuff actually costs. So, do you have any ideas or tips that you can give us to help rein in our kids and include them maybe when it comes to budgeting for Christmas?
Tifanie: Yeah, for sure, this is a big one with my kids because they're always asking for things and I feel like I'm always telling them, “No, it cost too much. Do you know how much that costs? No, you can't have that” right? So, I think if you take them shopping with you when you're not buying things for them, obviously. But when it's time to go buy something for a sibling, take them with you and point things out when you're in the store. Hey, you know how you said you wanted that Nerf gun? Well, look, look at these Nerf guns. The cheapest one here is $20, right? And I think it's eye opening to them to actually see in person how much things cost. And so just like if you were teaching your child about service, you're going to have them do some service, right? So, if you want to teach your child about a budget, we'll take them to the store and show them those things so that they can see and learn how much it costs. My personal family, we let the kids each draw a sibling's name for Christmas, and we just say between five and ten dollars, you need to get them something. And we tell them to really think about that person and something that they would like. And we encourage our kids to try and earn that money themselves so that it's really from them and it's not just something else I have to go buy. And I think a lot of times we think, Well, how do our kids earn money, right? If we don't give them a budget? How are they supposed to go out and earn money? So, I just try and get them to be creative. I don't know if anyone else's kids at school have like those secret underground shops where they sell all their little trinkets and things, but that always goes on at my kid's school. My kids will come home and they're like, I bought this from somebody today, and it's like origami bird or something. And so, I encourage my kids, Hey, is there something you can make and sell to people? And last year, my 10-year-old boy blew me out of the water. He said, “Mom, I want to make some comic books for my friends and for my siblings that they can design their own comic books.” And so, I said, “OK, how are we going to do this? What's your plan?” And he said, “I'm going to draw the cover and then we need to make them into books somehow.” And so, we went down just to a local store that combine books just with those cheap spiral bindings. And they just took his drawing, laminated the cover and bound these books. And that's what he gave for his friends. And I think each book cost a couple of dollars. It was like $2.50 or something to make. And he gave those out to his friends for Christmas. And then he said, "Mom, could I sell these to other people?" And I said, "Sure, why don't you go ask the neighbors if it's something they'd want to give to their grandkids?" And he ended up selling about 40 books, and he sold them each for $10. And so, he made bank last year just by being creative and thinking outside of the box. And I think so often we don't think our kids are capable or we're like, "Oh, it's too much effort to help them do things like that." But that teaches them so much and they are capable and they can do a lot of things. So, it was really fun for us to watch him plan that little project out from start to finish from, you know, the planning on what the design was going to look like, going with me to the store to see how much it was going to cost to bind the books and then to giving them to his friends and selling them to his neighbors. So, there's a lot our kids can do to help out, to earn money and to see what things cost.
Jen: That's awesome. Another thing that just comes to mind is if you do have the money that you want to like, have them earn money. I'm always for giving kids the jobs that I hate doing and putting a price tag on it.
Tifanie: For me, I don't give my kids an allowance. We tried that and it didn't work very well. So now when I do want something extra done, like cleaning the blinds or doing something we don't normally do, like you said. I will say, "Hey, who wants to earn five bucks? Come do this for me". Here's five bucks because for me, it's like I'm already going to spend that money, so I might as well get some free cleaning out of it. Right? Here child do this for me. Here's this money that I know I was already going to give you. So here you go. Right?
Jen: Yeah, that's how I feel about allowances. And maybe this will be a podcast for the future, but I'm a big believer on there is jobs in the house that you just do because you're part of the family. But it is those chores that I have to do that I really don't like doing that. I'm okay putting a five-dollar price tag on for them to do it and Christmas time as a super good time for that to happen so that they can earn a little bit of money so they can buy those gifts for their friends or for parents or siblings. So, you've given us a lot of awesome information. Is there any other ideas that you can give us without spending money that will satisfy our need to give gifts during the holidays?
Tifanie: Yes, I love that question, Jen, because for me, holidays are more about spending time together, the traditions, the things we do than what we get. So, I don't know about you guys, but when I think back to Christmas as a child, I cannot remember a single gift that I received. For me, I always remember the time spent with family or the activities that we went and did. And so, I have tried really hard to instill that in my kids that we can have just as much fun on Christmas doing things, then getting things. And just some ideas I thought about, we've always been fortunate enough to live next to elderly people, and I love them. Their souls are just so sweet and they're always giving and doing things for other people. In our last home, we lived next to an 85-year-old man, and he loved plowing snow on his little four-wheeler so he would wake up at five o'clock in the morning and plow the snow of all the neighbors, before we could even get out of bed and go do it for him. And that's just something fun I love about him. But around the holidays, this man set up trains. He loved trains so his entire basement, he would just set up like a Christmas village with just this train that went everywhere. And he would love to just invite all the neighbor kids over to come down in his basement and just spend time with him watching his train go through his village. And so that was something that my kids loved and looked forward to every year. And then as a child, I had a great grandmother in an assisted living center, and every Christmas, me and my cousins would put together a Christmas program with songs and stories, and we would go into these assisted living centers and just bring that spirit of Christmas to these old people who usually don't have a lot of family that would come and visit them. And so, we've tried to do the same with our kids. I have just two siblings and one of my siblings’ lives in Arizona and one lives here in Utah. And so, we don't get together often. But every time we are all together, we now go to the Assisted Living Center where my grandmother lives and we make pies and take them to the residents. And they just come into a room and we just serve them pie. And they just eat piece after piece and it just makes them so happy. And those moments are so special to me. And now my kids look forward to those moments and they ask, Oh, our cousins are coming. Does that mean we're going to grandma's and serving all the old people pie? And they just love hearing the stories that the old people tell them. And in return, the elderly loved to listen to my kids, tell their stories too. Sometimes will bring books and we'll read them books or sing them songs. And so, there are so many opportunities like that that you can do during the holidays to, you know, bring that spirit of Christmas and to make memories and traditions that last and those memories last forever. And it's something that you think about year after year.
Jen: That just does my heart good. I mean, I can just imagine, like I'm picturing in my mind going to a senior center and giving them pies and the happiness that that can bring to people who don't have family coming and visiting them. So, I did my heart good. Thanks for sharing that.
Tifanie: Yeah. And another thing I was just thinking about, Jen, is traditions that my mom did for us as kids, that she now does for my own kids. My dad's mother was a very good cook, and she worked in a lot of catering businesses. And so, something she was known for was her gingerbread houses. She would make these extravagant gingerbread houses every year. She was in the newspaper so many times for these, and sometimes they would be like these ski chalets or famous one is like Santa's sleigh with all the reindeer. One year, she did a barn with all the animals. And so, since then she taught my mother how to make this homemade gingerbread. And then my mom has taught us. So, every year that is something my kids enjoy doing with their grandma. She comes over and she makes these real gingerbread houses with them, and it's so fun. That's probably my kids' favorite memory that we do every year, because then that gingerbread house sits out on the counter the whole month of December and just reminds them of that experience, those loving relationships with family members. And then Christmas Day, the first thing they do is smash it and start eating it. So, it's just fun, something to look forward to.
Sara: I love that so much, and what I love with that is that you're building such fond memories for your children that they're going to look back on their childhood and just love everything when it comes to the holidays, and that it's not about the gifts, but that quality time that you're spending together. We just did an episode about traditions, so the things that you're saying just fits right along with that, that it's not about all of the money that you're spending, but making those lasting memories. So Tifanie, we are about out of time. Just really quickly, are there any resources for families who may not have a budget that stretches far enough this time of year that you can share with us?
Tifanie: Yeah so, the good thing about this time of year is I think everyone is in that giving spirit and that giving mindset and they want to help other people. And so, something I think of off the top of my head is like Toys for Tots. And there's a lot of other organizations like that that provide toys and clothing for people in need during the holidays. Most businesses as well have what they call like a giving tree. So, most banks, if you walk into a bank during the holidays, they'll have a big tree up front that have names on it that you can go in and take names. So, I think if you're in need and you walk into one of those businesses and said, Hey, are you guys doing a giving tree this year? Well, I know a family or I could really use this and taking that initiative and going in because most businesses do that and they're always looking for people because they don't always know where to find the people in need. So, taking that initiative and going in somewhere like that, I think, is a good option. I've also noticed the last few years on like social media classified pages people will post all the time, “Hey, my family would like to help a family in need this year, does anyone know of a family?” So, I think if you watch those classifieds, I see so many weekly pop up. And so, there's things like that that you can look out for. And I think the biggest thing with that is just don't be afraid to ask for help. We all struggle. We've all had a hard time when we needed help, and most people, especially during this time of year, want to help.
Jen: Thank you so much, Tifanie, for joining us today and sharing your expertise and information and how we can help ourselves during this holiday season with keeping a budget and some other great ideas on what doesn’t cost money and how we can still build wonderful traditions during this time. We hope that everybody is staying safe and healthy during this holiday season, and we wish you all the very best. If you would like to contact myself or Sara, you can email us at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org or we're now on Facebook and you can find us under Jen Daly, The Family Place or Sara Hendricks, The Family Place. We encourage you to leave a question on anchor for a future episode where Sara and I will answer your questions. Thanks for listening!
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