What does it mean to be Mindful and how can we easily implement it into our daily lives? Kindra Bean helps us better understand mindfulness and gives us great ideas on how to stay in the moment and not let our minds wander. Parental mindfulness can help guide us to understanding ourselves and teaching our children to understand themselves as well.
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Jen: Hello and welcome to the Parents Place, a podcast put out by The Family Place for parents to develop skills that will strengthen families and provide tools that will help each of us in our parenting efforts. No matter our skills, we can always use reminders that help us work towards a safer, happier home. I'm your host, Jennifer Daly, the education director at The Family Place and my co-host is Sara Hendricks, a family educator at The Family Place. Every week, we will interview professionals that will provide valuable information that will make a difference when you apply it directly to your life. Thank you for joining us. Now, let's get started with today's episode.
Hello, everyone. Thank you for joining us on the Parents Place podcast. Today we are so lucky to have an amazing guest with us. Her name is Kindra Bean and she is going to share a little bit of information about herself with us.
Kindra: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so glad to be on this episode today. Like Jen said, I'm Kindra Bean and I did my bachelor's degree at Utah State in Psychology. And then my masters in social work at the University of Utah and graduated in May 2013. And then I have been doing therapy since. So, I started actually at The Family Place as a therapist in August 2013, but my roots go a little bit further back than that with The Family Place. When I was doing my bachelors at Utah State, I had a class where the former director, Esther Lee, came in and did a presentation and I just fell in love with the concept of the family place and everything. So, I started volunteering as a kids place aid and I loved it. So, I even got to teach a couple kids classes and try good touch bad touch presentations and loved everything. So then when I got my masters, I knew I wanted to come back and do therapy for The Family Place, and I have been doing that since 2013. So that's seven years now and I've loved every minute of it. I also did my yoga teacher training, a two-hundred-hour training, and then I went on and did a 300-hour training in trauma sensitive yoga. And I've been married for three and a half years now and I have a little baby girl and she was just born in January, so she's nine months old now.
Sara: Well, welcome, Kindra. We're so excited to have you. I actually learned things about you that I didn't know, and we've worked together for the past five years or so. So that was kind of fun to learn some of that information about you. I didn't know that you kind of got your start with doing kids classes and kids empowered because that's where I got my start at The Family Place as well. So, we have that in common. We are super excited about today's topic. It's something that I don't know how much people in general know about. I don't really even know a good way to introduce this topic other than to say, today we're talking about mindfulness, and Kindra is obviously an expert to talk about this with us because of all of her training that she just shared. So, we're just going to start out and ask you, what is mindfulness? What can you tell us about it?
Kindra: So, when I think of mindfulness, there's lots of different definitions, and I kind of go back to a non-judgmental awareness in the present. So just being non-judgmentally aware of the right here and right now. I think it can get more complex as you really dive into mindfulness. It kind of has roots in the eastern part of the world and then it was brought to the West. And of course, now I feel like it's kind of come into medical model and in my world, it's a buzz word that you hear mindfulness all the time. So, I don't know how much people hear that word, mindfulness, but a lot of times when people hear mindfulness, they think of meditation. So, it kind of goes to somebody sitting down, meditating for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour. I think that can be kind of one of the things that people think of when they think of mindfulness. But mindfulness can be 30 seconds, and I'll share some of those techniques with you today. But it's not necessarily sitting down in a cross-legged pose and just breathing. You can be mindful in those moments and you can meditate. And that's helpful for mindfulness at times, but it's not necessarily the same thing, though. Yeah, I think the biggest part of it is just being non-judgmental and kind and aware of the here and the now. I heard a study that was from Harvard that our mind wanders on average forty seven percent of the time. So, I've actually thought about that in my daily life, and I'm like, Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate, which is sad, but so often I'm thinking of, OK, what do I have to do in an hour? What do I need to get done in order to get this done? And I'm kind of my mind is just going and going and going and feels so full all the time that I am not right here and in the now and really paying attention to this moment, which is kind of crazy to think that it's almost like I'm missing half my life because my mind is somewhere else. And so, I'm really passionate about mindfulness and being able to be kind to ourselves in the now and be present.
Jen: I was thinking to myself, 47 percent. I think mine’s a little bit higher. I tend to have a hard time focusing on things unless I'm dead on in there, and it made me think of this past weekend. We made a spontaneous trip to Yellowstone and at one moment we pulled over to the side and there was this huge elk drinking out of the river. And luckily, where we had pulled off, there was a picnic bench and we were able just to sit there and just watch. And it was just so nice to be in that moment not thinking about anything else, but watching that magnificent animal just in its habitat, doing what it does. And so, to me, there's little snippets like that throughout my life and throughout maybe my week, but why is it important to practice mindfulness on a regular basis?
Kindra: Yeah. One of the things that I would say of the reason it's so important is almost because of, like I said, just having our minds wandered for forty seven percent of the time, being present, being here, it brings so much more peace, like you mentioned that you were watching the elk drink the water. And they've done a lot of research on it now as they've done more and more studies on mindfulness and implementing it in different areas of life. And that's anywhere from like schoolchildren to war vets. And they have found that when mindfulness is implemented, it increases our ability to pay attention. It increases the areas of the brain related to compassion and empathy. And who doesn't need more of that right and that ability to connect with others on a deeper level. For me, it just again kind of brings that peace, brings me back to the now instead of the future. When I think about that, it can bring up so much anxiety and worry about the unknown, right? Thinking about those things. And then sometimes thinking about the past. And that can bring up so much sadness or hurt or even anxiety and thinking about the past and worrying about things that I said or did. But when I'm now like, right now, things are good, right? Things are OK. And so, if I can live in the now, it seems like things can be more peaceful and I can be more understanding and happier and have more joy.
Sara: That is so true what you're saying, and I feel a little hung up on that 47 percent. I'm probably not the only one right now, but I can't help but wonder with our listeners for this podcast how many times our mind kind of wanders. And sometimes it has to do with something that was said and we start thinking about that and we're no longer listening to what's happening in the episode. And then we come back and hear something else and her mind wanders again, you know? But I think forty seven percent, like Jen said, that might be a little bit low for me too, because of just thinking about how often my mind does wander, even in a conversation. And even there's those times that you start thinking about what you're going to say, what your response is going to be, that you stop listening. So, I love this topic to be more aware, paying attention and in the moment.
Jen: When you're talking about just in a conversation, I was just pondering on that for a second, mind wandering because Sara's talking and I'm thinking about mindfulness, and I was thinking, if we can be in that moment with that person and not have that wondering what an amazing connection we can make with people. I mean, we're hardwired for connection and we need that. Mindfulness just seems like such an important piece to that so that we can be more connected, more compassionate, show more empathy, all of those things. And it's amazing. I need to practice more often.
Kindra: I agree completely, and I have been thinking about it a lot, especially as I mentioned earlier, that I have a little nine-month-old and it is amazing how fast they grow. And I just keep thinking I do not want to miss one moment with her, but then I find myself going off and looking at my phone or checking emails or getting on social media. And all those moments she could be doing something new that I'm missing. And so, it's hard, and I now we have to continue moving forward, and I've got a lot of tasks that have to get done. Laundry never ends, dishes never, and it's amazing how they just keep piling up and piling up. But I love when I can have those moments when I am just sitting with her or when I'm sitting with anybody, like you said, and listen and be there, be present with somebody and have that connection.
Sara: That is something that hit me really hard this year. My oldest is nine, and her ninth birthday was like this reality check for me that we are already halfway through her time in our home. And what am I doing to really establish this strong relationship with her and being in the moment and making these lasting memories? It really just affected me deeply. So, talking more about mindfulness that I feel like is going to help me a lot with those goals that I have of not wanting to miss out on those little things throughout the days and weeks. There's a lot of truth to that saying that the nights are long, but the years are short. I feel that all of the time, the day to day, that daily grind, you know, you're just going through the motions and getting through to the next day. And then before, you know it, a whole year has gone by. It goes so fast when you look at it that way versus the gradual day to day things in our lives. So, there is something else that was said about when we're more mindful, we're more compassionate, and that is something that I have definitely noticed lately. With all that is going on in the world right now and in our country, I just really had to take a step back and be more mindful of other people and tell myself everyone is doing the best that they can and their best is different from my best. And it's not OK for me to compare them to where I am, but to just always have this assumption that everyone is doing the best that they can. And so, mindfulness has definitely helped me feel a little bit more compassionate towards other people. So, can you give us some ideas like how can we put this into practice?
Kindra: I was actually thinking about this the other day as I am still nursing my little girl, and so I drink a lot of water. And our water thing in our refrigerator takes a long time. It feels like a really long time, even though it probably is not, but because of all of the stuff that I feel like needs to get done, that time was just feeling so frustrating to me. And so, I had to take a step back and go, wait a minute, Kindra, I got to practice what you preach a little bit and take some breaths. Stop. Watch the water go down into the cups, into my water bottle, and just breathe in those moments when I need to fill my water, which feels like all the time. And even my little girl was a good example of this for me, because it seems like she loves watching the water. And so, I would hold her, and she would just watch as the water goes down and she would giggle and laugh and listen to the noise. And that was a great reminder for me. So that is just something that I notice like, OK, that needs to be my trigger for the day to just stop and breathe and be in this moment, just watch the water as it goes down, listen to the water. So that is one way that I've tried to implement it, but I have heard a lot of different ways that people have implemented this into their daily practice. Some people said every time they go through a door, that's their reminder to take a deep breath and just notice the moment. Some people it might be right before bed or right when you wake up, you take a moment. And this is where I think meditation and mindfulness can be kind of similar in some way because some people use like a meditation app or a meditation video, and that sets their mind in that present moment for the day. It could be, also, when you are sitting down to eat and really taking the time to enjoy your food and to smell it, to taste it. I know the first time that I ever tried to true like mindful eating. It was a new experience for me to eat a strawberry, to actually feel all the different textures of the strawberry, to taste it, to smell it, to really enjoy that moment versus being on my phone when I'm eating or watching TV while I’m eating or anything else. And that is part of mindfulness is doing it, one, mindfully, being in that moment and doing whatever you're doing. If you’re walking, you’re walking, if you're chewing, you’re chewing, if you're eating, you're eating. But it's hard. It's amazing how much our mind wanders.
Jen: It makes me think of I was just listening to a lady talk about how when she was in the grocery store, she thought, OK, I'm not going to look at my phone while I'm standing in the line of the grocery store. I'm going to try to connect with someone. And the man in front of her was a little old man, and he had cat food in his grocery cart. And she said, it looks like you have a cat. And he had reply to her, saying, Yes, there's a storm coming and I don't want my cat not to have food. And they talked a little bit more. And then he said, I haven't told anyone this, but today is my birthday. And I think what an important moment that must have been for that man to have felt that someone had connected with him truly and wanted to share that it was his birthday, that he hadn’t shared that with anyone else. And I think that's a simple thing that we can do. I mean, just in the grocery store, being aware of people around us, not judging them, maybe learning a little bit more. And so, there are so many simple ways that we can practice this. We talk about ourselves learning about mindfulness, but is this something that we can teach kids who are on the move all the time?
Kindra: Yeah, I think it is pretty amazing that kids are almost like hardwired to be mindful as I've watched my little girl grow and explore new things. She is aware of the smallest speck on the floor, which honestly, of course, can drive me crazy because when I think I have a clean floor, she finds everything that is on there. But that just shows how hard-wired kids to be aware and present of the smallest little details and everything. And she wants to explore and to feel every sensation, and that is great for kids. And I think because of electronics, because of media, because of so many things that can be so distracting that kids then aren't getting that full experience of toys, of dirt, of sand, of whatever it is. So, we can teach our children by example, by breathing, by pausing, by feeling the grass beneath our feet, by laying in the dirt, by getting down on the ground with them and playing with blocks, being creative, by doing art, by doing finger painting. When is the last time you finger painted as a parent or done any kind of sensory activity? Those are all very mindful things because you're using all of your senses. Anything that uses your senses in that moment can be so mindful. You can do an activity when you're eating a piece of candy or eating fruit, or any kind of thing where you take the time to use every single one of your senses. So, what does this strawberry smell like? What does it look like? What does it feel like? If you put it by your ear, do you hear anything? Or when you put it in your mouth and you start chewing, can you hear that? What does that sound like? What does that feel like in your mouth? What does it taste like? So, you can use mindfulness anything that requires your senses. One activity that I actually like to use for myself, and maybe more even for adults, but children can do it too pretty easily. There is a good TED talk called 30 Seconds to mindfulness, and that is where I got this activity from. And it is just finding three objects in the room like it's a pen, a pillow, a lamp, and you just look at that object and you say that is a pen, and then you take a breath and you inhale and you exhale. Then you move to the next object and say, that is a pillow and you inhale and exhale. Then you can move to the next object, that is a lamp, and then you inhale and exhale. And we can do that with our children. We can just say, "Hey, can you show me three things that you're seeing right now?" And then you do that with them. "What is that?" That is a pen. And then you both breathe together. There are a lot of ways that we can implement yoga. And I think people, when they think of yoga, they think of all of the poses and the skinny bendy moves. But that's not necessarily what yoga is. It can be that, but especially with our kids, it can be just noticing their bodies. So, can you feel your feet on the ground? What is that like when you take one foot off the ground? Can you balance on one foot? And in order to balance, it's hard to think about work and for children to think about school and homework. It's concentrating mostly on balancing, right? And so that is a very mindful activity. I know there's a lot of resources and YouTube videos for like yoga with kids, but mostly if you can get your kids to just do things with their bodies and notice how that feels in their body, that is a mindful experience. And so, there are many things that we can do to just implement mindfulness and our daily practice with our children, with ourselves, and be more compassionate, be present.
Sara: I love that you shared that, that yoga with kids does not have to be traditional yoga because that's what I think of when I hear yoga, but you gave examples of just balancing on one foot, and that is mindfulness with our kids, and that is something that I could do with my kids. If I had to do like traditional yoga, that would probably never happen. So, I love that you shared some ways that we can do that, that isn't what we think of when we think of yoga. I also love that you mentioned finger painting and asked when's the last time a parent has done finger painting with their children or a sensory activity? I think we often will set something up for our kids to do and we send them off to do it while we go, do something else, maybe scroll their phone or have a moment to ourselves. And it's fine to have those moments, but I love that you posed that idea of when's the last time you've done this, because that is something that you can do with your child and be mindful in that moment together creating these memories. So that's something that I probably need to implement a little more with my own kids. And one other thing that I was thinking about as you were talking because, you know, my mind wanders 47 percent of the time, is that something that I've done in my own parenting. Not necessarily because of my education or studies that I've read or anything is just that from the very beginning, I had decided I am not going to shove a screen in my child's face any time that I need them to sit quietly and listen. Whether that's at church or in a doctor's office or someplace where they need to be a little more behaved, I'm not going to give them a screen to help them practice that and learn how to sit quietly, because I knew from the beginning that it was training them, that they couldn't sit still without that device. And I didn't want that because we need to learn how to sit still without those extra distractions. And I didn't even realize that this is practicing mindfulness for my kids to learn how to sit still on their own without something pulling their mind somewhere else. And so, as you were talking, I was just thinking like, Hey, that's something I'm doing with my kids and I didn't even realize that they're learning how to be mindful in those moments where they need to sit still or be a little more reverent or a little more quiet because of the setting that we're in. And they're learning how to do that without something taking their mind somewhere else. So that made me feel a little good about myself.
Kindra: I love that you said that, and it reminded me that I just want to say, most people, we do mindfulness, sometimes without even knowing it, and it doesn't have to be a big chore that you're adding it as just another thing to do as a parent to do perfectly, right? I have known about this and have known the importance of it for a very long time. And let me tell you, I am not perfect and I do not practice mindfulness as much as I know is beneficial, right? And so, I just want to put that plug out there that people are doing this without even knowing it, like you said, Sara. And also, I don't want it to be or it doesn't need to be another chore, another something to add to the perfect parent list of to dos.
Sara: I think you shared some really great ideas on how it isn't another chore, another thing on our list, another thing for us to fail at. Like you said, you know somebody that every time they walk through a door, that's their reminder to take a deep breath. That's so simple to just have something that we know, that's our cue to do whatever it is that we've decided is our mindfulness activity. One other thing that I was going to share something that I've been doing with my kids lately to just kind of get a feel for where they're at in their feelings and all the things that are going on in their lives is we've done this a few times where we've either sat in a circle in our living room, we've done it on the trampoline and we pass a ball around and whoever has the ball, it's their turn to share something they don't like and follow it by something positive. And so, it might be like, I don't like that we have to wear masks in school, but I'm grateful that we get to go to school. And so, I love doing that activity with my kids because it's really helped me know where they're at. And I've learned a lot of information about them, of things that they might be struggling with or are frustrated with that they may not just openly have a conversation with me, but because we're taking this time to be mindful and we do it as a family. It's not just one on one, and they just love that we get to spend that time together. They don't even realize that I'm doing it a little on the selfish side so that I can learn this information about them. But it helps me to be mindful and more compassionate like we were talking about to understand what's going on in their lives. So, Kindra, this is something that you obviously teach and are well versed in and with working with clients or just in your day to day life with your family, can you think of any success stories that you can share where somebody has practiced mindfulness and it's made a difference for them?
Kindra: Yes, absolutely. I honestly can think of quite a few, but I will share the most recent for me, which was my mom. And she was just telling me that she had started practicing mindfulness in different ways, one of the ways that she's practiced is by turning off all devices and leaving them out of sight before meals and at least 30 minutes before bedtime. And she has also been doing just like a five-minute yoga practice before bed, and she's just talked to me about how she is trying to be more present and just trying to be aware of the moment and after she's been practicing this for, I want to say, like a month or two, she has told me the impact that it has had for her. She was just telling me that she is sleeping better and longer than she ever has. Well, at least since my dad got sick years ago, and so she's starting to sleep better. She has enjoyed eating more and has more energy and just feels a lot more peace and less anxiety, especially at nighttime. We all know how that can be when we lay down in bed, and it's the first time we're still for the day. And so, it opens our mind up for whatever to come in and all of the chores and things that need to get done or what could happen with XYZ in the future. But since she has been practicing some of the five-minute yoga or mindfulness meditations, she has been able to sleep better, not have those anxious moments or worry time before bed. And so, I thought that was really impactful when my mom shared that with me, and since it was so recent, I thought I would share that. And I do just want to put one last plug in for he fact that meditation and certain mindfulness practices are not for everyone, and that's OK. Being trauma sensitive, I just want to say two of you have had those traumatic experiences that sometimes leaving that blank space can be triggering and you can have a lot of flooding memories and things come in. And so maybe that's not the kind of mindfulness practice for you. Maybe it's doing something and being mindful while you're doing something, and so you can explore the practices that work for you and the ones that maybe don't work so much for you. And that's OK. It's not one size fits all and you have to do it like this or this works for someone else, so it should work for me. What's wrong with me? No, it's not like that. We're all different, and that's OK.
Jen: I think about Brandy, who did our energy podcast, and she would never do yoga. She just doesn't enjoy yoga. And so, knowing that it's OK to find things that work for you, and especially if there has been trauma, being sensitive to that as well and being kind to yourself and not judging yourself during that moment, you're doing something that is supposed to be healthy for you, not for triggering any emotions or anything like that. I feel like I've learned that this is supposed to be a healthy thing for us.
Kindra: I am so glad that you brought up the kindness because that I think I have not emphasized enough during this conversation. But it's not just awareness. It's a non-judgmental kind of awareness of the moment. So, it's just noticing the things going on and not sometimes when we start noticing we can start judging ourselves. And that happens, and that's OK. And we just notice it right. That's the kind of awareness part is just noticed, Oh, I'm judging again and let that go and come back to just being kind to yourself. So I'm so glad you brought that up.
Jen: So, I know there's lots of places to go and find good information on mindfulness, but do you have some specifics that you can share with us?
Kindra: Yeah. So, one place I would say there's just mindful.org. You can go to Mindful.org and they have some activities for kids that you can do. And some of the activities that I might have mentioned a few of my favorite TEDx talks or TED talks. One is called the power of mindfulness, where your practice grows stronger, and that's by Dr. Shauna Shapiro. Another is 30 seconds to mindfulness. I think I mentioned that one earlier. And then there is a cute little cartoon video that I love called How Mindfulness Empowers us, an Animation narrated by Sharon Salzberg. A couple of the apps that I would mention, one is called Breathe by Sesame Street. There is Happify, which I think you might have to pay a subscription for, but I think they might have free things on there, too. Same with Insight Timer, and a lot of those do have meditations that you can do daily and some other things, but honestly, you can even just search apps and find what one works, maybe for you. And then there's also mindfulnessexercises.com, and they have a lot of free exercises that you can use for mindfulness as well.
Sara: Well, thank you, Kindra, so much. You're just a wealth of knowledge and information, and you've shared so much with us. I think that we kind of live in a time where we're just distracted. We constantly have our phones out or doing things that are pulling our attention in a different direction than what we're actually participating in. And so, you've helped us a lot to recognize how we can be more mindful and pull ourselves back to being in the moment and being more compassionate and kind towards other people. I love everything that you had to share, so thank you for educating us on this and thank you to all of our listeners for joining if you have any questions, you can email us at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org and that will come to both Jen and me. Jen and I were also talking, and we thought it would be really fun to do a podcast of questions from parents. The app that we use to publish our podcast is called Anchor. Our website there has a feature where you can record a message for us and we're able to put that into the podcast. So, we thought it would be fun, if anyone is interested, to go to that website, it'll be linked in the show notes and you can record a parenting question. And Jen and I will do an episode where we just answer all of the questions and your voice can be on the podcast, which could be really fun. So, we hope that you participate and give us an opportunity to do a really fun episode like that. We hope that all of you have had some sort of take away with this episode. Now go out and practice mindfulness and be in the moment with your families and with the people that you surround yourself with.
Sara: Thanks again for listening. The Family Place, a non-profit organization in Logan, Utah, with a mission to strengthen families and protect children. We call ourselves starfish throwers. If you're unsure what that means, refer back to our introduction episode where we explain it. The good news is you can be a starfish thrower too by subscribing to the Parents Place podcast and liking our social media pages. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others and help us get our message out to more people. Also, be sure to check the show notes for links to information referenced in this episode. That's all for now, but we'll catch you again next time on the Parents Place.
Subject Resources: - mindful.org - mindfulnessexercises.com - https://www.ted.com/talks/phil_boissiere_30_seconds_to_mindfulness?language=en - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeblJdB2-Vo
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzKryaN44ss - Apps: Calm, Insight Timer, Breathe (Sesame Street), Happify, and Headspace - The Family Place: https://thefamilyplaceutah.org/ - Find mindfulness videos here and try them with your kids: https://www.facebook.com/familyplaceut/videos/?ref=page_internal
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- Email us questions or topic ideas: parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org
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