Could the game of Peek a Boo change the world? This week Jen and Hilary look at a TED Talk exploring this very idea. The first 5 years of a Childs life is very important and knowing how parent child interactions can help shape the brain development of a child which will benefit them for the rest of their lives. So games like Peek a Boo might just help change the world. You will not want to miss this episode! Link to this amazing TED talk is listed below.
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Jen: Welcome to the Parents Place Podcast with Hilary and Jen.
Hilary: Welcome to the Parents Place Podcast today, so we have a Ted talk today that we are going to discuss and this is a good one, because this is something that I think, it's only 7 minutes, so it's quite brief. So, it is something that you could listen to while you're waiting in the carpool line while you're in the Doctor's office, right? Or maybe just before bed at 7 very short minutes, we would encourage each of you to take advantage of. But this Ted talk is called “How every child can thrive by 5 by age 5”, and it the Ted talk is conducted by a seven-year old, which is the best part about this. A 7-year-old named Molly Wright, who Jen and I were just talking about before, is the most adorable child on this entire planet. She's so cute. And I have children of my own, and I'm saying that she's adorable. Most adorable child on this planet. But yes, great, great information that's shared. So per usual guys, we will include the link to this Ted talk in the show notes so that you can access it easily. But we just wanted to share a few things today when it came to what was discussed and our thoughts and our feelings about it, because as you guys will see quite quickly, this is something that both Jen and I feel very strongly about and we see quite often at the Family Place. So, she makes the statement in this Ted talk. That a game of peekaboo can change the world like a game that we have all played with our own children or children that we have a relationship with. And I love that something so simple. So the point of this Ted talk is that she talks about the first five years of a child's life, and how crucial those first five years of development are. Especially for a child's brain. And I love, in this particular Ted talk, she talked about how, you know as parents that that visually we see a lot of changes in our kids in those early stages of life. And she even made some examples of, you know, you focus on the changes that you can see kids are, you know, crying and crawling and babbling and laughing. But we can't see what's happening inside of their brain. And that is where the real power lies, right. That is where some of those massive changes are happening that we don't ever even necessarily know about at that at that young age of life.
Jen: I think lots of times we don't think it's important, like kids don't absorb or change from their environment, that it just naturally happens.
Hilary: Yeah, and well. And it's funny because I was thinking about it. And I was thinking about. You know, because obviously like I said, being in this field, I think we recognize this concept already. But I think so often as a young, as a parent of a young child. A, you are in survival mode during those initial stages, right? You're tired, you're overwhelmed. If this is your first child, you're still trying to figure out things. And so, I think sometimes it's just, it's just, I just got to get through today. I just got to get through this week. I'm just got to get through this month. Until they're a little bit older until they're a little bit easier, right? Which happens, I think, at least from my experience of what I have seen. You know, those initial newborn stages were really difficult. And as my kids got older and started to sleep a little bit better and started to be a little bit more independent, that that stress, you know usually would ease up to an extent. I'm not saying that my kids are easy by any means, but to an extent when it came to, you know, meeting their needs, especially kind of those basic physical needs of theirs. But I think. So often we look at our kids, especially newborns. And we're like, well. They kind of just sit there. Not a lot of sleeping. They do a lot of lay in there. You know, every once in a while I might get a little smile from them or a coup or, you know, a Babble. But I think we look at them and we have no idea how much is happening because physically they can't do a whole lot yet. And so, I think we often forget about how crucial those initial stages are. Yeah, because I mean it, it's just so wild to me because I think about everything my kids are learning right now in school and all the information that's being inputted in their brain. Which that to me seems like a, you know, they are learning so much. So much is being given to them. But that's just a drop in the bucket compared to what happens over those first five years. I'm going to share some of these, so I'm going to just read these if I can because I want to get her information, correct, but these are some of the statistics that she shared about the brain. So she says, from birth to the first year of life, your brain doubles in volume and then by age 5 it is almost 90% the size of an adult brain, so it's almost right. It's almost grown to its full capacity by 5 five years old. And then she, she continues to say that the brain grows faster in those early years that any other time of life which we know and that it we can create up to 1,000,000 neural connections every second. It's like second, like I'm trying to multiply and do the math and I'm like I can't even think. I can't even go there.
Jen: It's far too big.
Hilary: Yes, yes, if you're thinking. That all of that happens in seconds. Yeah, that is so crazy to me. And it makes sense. I was teaching another group of individuals this this week, and we were talking about child development and understanding the power of understanding, age, appropriate expectations, and so we were referring. I was referring to these child development charts that we often get, you know, at the doctor's office and our pediatrician. And one of the individuals who was somewhat unfamiliar with what these were and how they were used said, well, why are there so many when they're little and there's not as many when they get older? You know, so we talked about this idea that, yes, of those initial stages of life, sometimes they are broken up into weeks. But months, you know, like you're 0-3, and then you're 3 –6 , and then you're 6 -9. And then, yes, as you get older, it starts to break it up into years and sometimes even chunking, you know, years together. There. But you know it's because of this. It's because we see such drastic changes over a very short period of time that as parents we want to be aware of what those changes are right?
Jen: It makes me think of the ASQ, which is the ages and stages. I mean for when they're first born up until I think a year of age, you are testing every single month. To see if they are hitting developmental milestones. And then it's after that it goes like OK every three months, yeah. And it goes out. So, you can just even see that first year of life. I mean we need to be checking them every year to see what they are doing developmentally to make sure they're on track.
Hilary: Yeah. So, she spends. A good chunk of the first half of her Ted talk just kind of. And allaying this foundation and helping us to understand that brain growth, how that brain is developing at such a faster rate. But then I think the second-half of our Ted talk is really where the power lies for us as parents and that is kind of the well based on that research based on what we know what can we do. Right. Because she makes the comment that you know she has parents that. You know, she she's lucky because she has parents that are actively involved in her life and you know that that understand this information and know how crucial it is. But there are many that that don't. There are many that don't have that experience and have you know may have very different results. And so she talks about 5 factors that help a child reach their full potential. And so, these five things are Connecting, Talking, Playing, a healthy home, and community. Which those five things shouldn't surprise us, right? You know, we've joked about this before that I think so often when we delve into research, we're hoping to find some new bright idea that we've never heard of before that's just going to, like, crack the code to success. And I don't think as much research and study that we do, we're going to find that. Because I think it goes back to those basic necessities, right? Yeah. We need to feel a sense of connection and community. We need to thrive in the environment that we are in. We need to be able to have, you know communication and effective communication. And we know with children a lot of their communication comes from playing and so I love that play as a component of. That as well too and. So I think these five areas seem very simple on the surface, but obviously our very profound. When you talk about development. So the five areas that she refers to that help reach a child's full potential is what we want.
Jen: So, I'm just think of. You know, if we think of the opposite. You know what does that set that child up for if they don't have any of those things? And like you were saying, you were thinking ohh that baby can just sit there because they're not doing anything. But that's really there. I mean, like you said, millions of connections are being made within seconds and if they are being just stuck in a car seat or in a crib or a playpen or whatever. And that's their day. Then those connections aren't being made, those positive ones, they're negative ones that are being made or they're dying off.
Hilary: Yeah. And you know, I think it's important for us to understand as well too. And we've talked about this and we've talked about protective factors and we've talked about the ACE study in some of our previous podcasts. That the reality is that there may be some children that may not have that in their own home environment, but that's why I love why that 5th component is community. Because I feel like they can still receive these benefits from other individuals in their life. Whether that be extended family, maybe a daycare that they are, that they go to, that they visit frequently, a place like the Family Place where maybe you know that parent has access to and we're able to provide some of that. Some of that connection with that child. And so, I feel like the heartache in life is that there are some children that maybe aren't raised in that environment where they get some of those benefits. But we can still help each other to receive those benefits, right? Being an individual that loves and helps kids so. Whomever we are. I think that's a good reminder for us. So, it talks about. So, she talks about this concept called serve and return, which we do so often with kids. Maybe we didn't necessarily recognize and ever clue into like that term before, but I love this. Because she gives different examples about how we provide this serve and return with kids and how this process helps to increase, you know, those neurons and that brain development. But she talks about simple things like a game of copycat. Right where my child poos. And so, then what is my natural response to cool back, right, or they Babble or blow bubbles. And so, then I do the same thing. So, I copycat what they're doing. And then after a given time, you're going to start to see your kids do the same thing. Right. That I do something and then they can copycat that back. She talked about. Something as simple as naming or labeling things, right? So this is Daddy, you know. Can you say Daddy, which obviously at a very young age they wouldn't be able to yet. But I still think that process of labeling is a process that we want to get accustomed to. So labeling and naming things and then again going back to this idea of peekaboo. Right. A game that has been around for ages. But I think we've all engaged in at some point, but she talked about some of these benefits to this simple serve and return concept. But with peekaboo, she mentioned that you know this is helping a child to build memory. This is helping to build trust, you know, with naming and labeling. This is helping to increase their vocabulary, so hitting some of those five marks that she mentioned, which I think sometimes for us as parents, we resort to those games because our kids are getting fussy. So we're like, OK. Let me pull out the peekaboo right so you don't start melting down at the doctor's office so I don't even know if we necessarily even always comprehend the power that some of these simplistic activities have for our kids.
Jen: Harvard University has some good videos on serve and return. I mean, you can just. Google, Harvard University and go into child development and they've got tons of videos that are just so helpful on those things.
Hilary: Yeah. And we can include. We'll go ahead and find that website and we can include that in our show notes as well too. But yes, that's a great resource. I'm sure on that website and I know that they're correct me if I'm wrong Jen, there have been formal studies that they have done this before and I can't remember the names of these formal studies, but she shows in this Ted talk. This interaction between a parent and this young child, this, this, this baby. And so she shows this parent engaging with his child. I think he's, you know, he's doing some of the serve and return. He's naming, he's labeling. He's copycatting. So he's engaging in this process and then what they do as part of this exercise is he chooses to disengage so he pulls his phone up, right and he puts it in front of his face. And you're never how did the child react when that happened?
Jen: Started to cry, yeah. Just whine kind of a thing and try to get his dad's attention.
Hilary: Yeah, and it was amazing how quickly like this child did that because it was like all of a sudden, dad put his phone up and within seconds. That little baby, yeah, starts to whimper. And then he starts to crawl over there, he almost starts to crawl on top of Dad as like a, “Hey we were having so much fun”. And she brings up, you know, and you can see, you can see the stress and anxiety in that little in that little baby, like increase exponentially. And she brings up this question that I think was really powerful after that. Because she says can you imagine what a what your whole like for a person? Who experiences their whole childhood like that? You know, just being in that environment with a caretaker that is completely disengaged. Because she said, you know, with this experiment, parent chose to disengage and it was for, like, very short seconds. And even though short seconds, all of us watching her, no
Jen: Like no tears started coming.
Hilary: Yes, we're like, look at the baby. Stop, put your phone down. And so, he did it with only seconds that he disengaged and then he put his phone back down and instantaneously, right, regained that child's attention. Big smile on that child's face continued that serve and return process. But you're right. You know when you say that, think about a child that continually has that experience of trying to engage with that caretaker and not receiving that and continuing to try and try and try. And so you know, and having that stress and that anxiety just continue. To build up it's heartbreaking when you think about it in that way.
Jen: Yeah, there was the It's called the still face study.
Hilary: Yes, I was like, I know I've seen the formal studies before. That's what. It is. Yeah, we're the we're the parent, just sit there right. Stone faced, no reaction, no smile, no. And the child. Yeah. Goes through that same type of. Yeah. Emotional moment.
Jen: Yeah, but I think I like this one a little bit more. I mean it's more modern because we're putting devices between us and our children and seeing that it gives the same response. I'm just not engaging at all.
Hilary: Yeah, it was powerful. Towards the end of her Ted talk, she shared, I've got two statements that I love that she shares and I'll share them. She said. “The relationship that kids have with adults, gives kids confidence to try new things to explore and just to be kids.” And I thought, that that was so profound because I think so often as an adult, as a parent. I mean I think deep down, we recognize those things. We recognize the power of the apparent holds, but I think so often, especially in those early stages of life. You know, you think of yourself as I am the one that provides the food. I am the one that provides the diapers and it's very much. I'm here for necessity. And I'm not kidding. Sometimes. Sometimes it's hard because I felt that I was newborn stages. You don't necessarily. You feel like you give so much and you may not necessarily feel like you receive a lot back. Which can be really hard versus maybe, you know an older child where you can have a conversation and you can see the result of that conversation and you can get dialogue and return back. But with these young children, you can't. Oftentimes you don't see that as much, but I love that this reminds us that we are so much more than, you know, the diaper changer. We're so much more than the milk machine. And there's so much more than these other things that I think we provide. Yeah, we're allowing kids to grow and to develop and to try new things and to have confidence. To have the best chance of success essentially for their future And I just love that. The other one that she says at the end. And I wrote this down and then I, like, underlined it for myself so that I could remember it. But she says “Every moment is an opportunity.” And I was like, that is something that I think we need to remember. Right. And I get it, you know. And she even says herself too, sometimes parents need their phones. Right. And so. I'm not necessarily saying that 100% of your time and attention needs to be devoted to, I've got to be with this child every second because there's so much happening and if I step away from them, then their brains just going to go, you know, to the garbage. And that is not the case you know. But I often think it's those little moments, right. And those little moments where maybe I'm cooking dinner and you know I have my child. Like you said in their in their you know in their seat, uh, you know in their car seat or whatnot, stopping for a second and doing the serve and return process, smiling, cooing, babbling and then you can turn back to the dinner and continue on that but I think taking advantage of those little moments that we often have those kids, those little opportunities. So it's a crucial stage of life. And we know that we know where that power lies. So, you know, she kind of summed up everything by saying. Like I said. Focus in on this serve and return, and she said to do it as early and often as possible. Early and often as possible, even in those newborn stages, when, like I said, they may not be able to come back, they may not be able to laugh or to smile. Or to speak, but you know, we're starting this as early and often as possible.
Jen: You've got to create those foundations, so the real thing can start happening. I mean, if they don't have those foundations or that, you know beginning phases, then. Then they're behind in getting those things.
Hilary: Yeah. Yeah. So, take a listen at some point today or in the next few days because you will not be disappointed. Great information, fun and shared by the most adorable little 7-year-old that you will ever see. So, we'll include everything in our notes.
Jen: Agreed, 100%. It is great Ted, talk by a great little 7-year-old who had lots of courage to get up in front of a bunch of adults and tell them how to better connect with their kids. So thanks for coming and spending some time with us. We hope that this information was helpful for you. We'll remind you to be kind and patient to yourselves and we will see you back here next week.
Thank you for listening to the Parents Place podcast. If you would like to reach us, you can at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org or you can reach Jen. On Facebook, Jen Daly - The Family Place. Please check out our show notes for any additional information, our website is TheFamilyPlaceUtah.org if you're interested in any of our upcoming virtual classes, we'd love to see you there.
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