Did you know children learn more in the first 3 years of life than they will at any other period in their lifetime? That's pretty incredible and it's exciting to think we, as parents, can support their learning and development by providing simple experiences that help their brains grow!
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Jen: Hello and welcome to the Parents Place, a podcast put out by the Family Place for parents to develop skills that will strengthen families and provide tools that will help each of us in our parenting efforts. No matter our skills we can always use reminders that help us work towards a safer, happier home. I'm your host. Jennifer Daly, the education director at the Family Place and my co-host is Sara Hendricks, a family educator at the Family Place. Every week, we will interview professionals that will provide valuable information that will make a difference when you apply it directly to your life. Thank you for joining us. Now, let's get started with today's episode.
Hello and welcome to the Parents Place podcast, I'm Jen Daly, your host.
Sara: And I'm Sara Hendricks here co-host.
Jen: Today, Sara and I are going to discuss something that I feel like both of us are very passionate about. So today we're going to be talking about brain development and the importance in my infancy, prenatal that kind of stuff, just the importance of brain development and what kind of effects that brain development for our children. I think for me, because I like to talk about the brain, and I like learning about all of the great things that it does. But one of our resources is from parents as teachers, and that is a program that works with children prenatal to five years of age to work on development, attachment, school readiness and things like that. But reading this article, I am always intrigued about how much is going on in the brain. And just the first sentence is that the brain is a complex structure made up of 100 billion, that's with a B ,cells. And to me, that is just stinkin amazing. And then going on of learning that within the first three weeks after conception and continuing throughout the pregnancy, the baby's body is made up of billions of brain cells already. And so just how important it is right off the bat that their little brains are already developing. So, I don't know. To me, that's just stinking amazing.
Sara: I agree. That's so incredible to think how much the brain already has going on in it when a baby is born and even prenatal when they're developing in utero. And that's why I feel like this episode is so important to help parents understand the connections that they can make for their children. Because if you think of your baby as a clean slate and every single experience they have is a new thing for them that their brain is learning and making connections with. Like, I don't know, it makes me feel so excited of how much I can influence my children by providing experiences for them.
Jen: I think it also helps us with the perspective of, lots of times I think we think they should already know something. But if we look at it from the perspective of they are a clean slate, they haven't experienced anything yet. So why would they know how to do something? And I mean, that's even up until two or three years of age, five years of age. I mean, sometimes they just don't have that experience. Depending on your location, your culture, whatever. There's lots of things that come into play. And so, yeah, just giving us the perspective of being kind, slowing down, saying, is this something that I've already allowed my child to experience or have they had the experience?
Sara: Mm-Hmm. And depending on how much experience they've had with it, they still need more and may not know and understand.
Jen: Yeah, I always go back to the ABCs. Our kids don't learn them the first time we go through them. They are in class going a a, a, b, b, b, and so is that repetition. So, it's just not that they've had experience once they need to have those experience many times.
Sara: Right, OK. So, I think we need to get a little technical and start off talking about brain development just so that we can understand how this all works with our kids. So inside of our brains, we have neurons and we have what's called synapses that connects those neurons. And those synapses, like Jen was saying, our babies are born with billions of them. And it's the experiences that we give them that helps those synapses either grow stronger to make a solid connection to our neurons or they die off and your brain decides that they don't need those connections. And so, the experiences that we're giving our children helps their brain grow those strong connections to neurons.
Jen: I like to think of it is if I the experiences I'm giving my kids are either stress versus being calm. So, if we are stressed all the time and rarely calm, then those are the synapses that are going to be created really strong. And our kids can then have a tendency to be extremely stressed all the time because those are the synapses that were made strong and the cons synapses weren't were used to on a regular basis. So those are the ones that have died off and aren't there. Now I'm going to say right here because parents may say “I was really stressed in the first couple of months of my baby's life and I've ruined them”. That's not the case. The great thing about our brains and synapses, are we can build on that. Even though they're they may have been weakened or died off. Our brains are amazing and they can be rebuilt. I think so. What you need to say that yes, having new babies, it is super stressful. But if we are implementing some nurturing skills of holding our babies, connecting with our babies, that is also going to help negate those calm self-regulation connections help them build up. But if we're only being stressed and we're only treating our babies in a stressful way, then that's when those stress synapses are going to be really strong and the calm ones are going to get weakened or die off.
Sara: Yeah, I think of it as like parents who are more on the neglectful side with their kids that those kids are learning how to survive on their own. They're not getting what they need from their parents. So, by all means, I'm sure whoever's listening, you're an amazing parent and your children are gaining those important synapses through the things that you're teaching them. But we want to share more ways of how you can make these connections for your kids.
Jen: I mean, I always we're doing the best with what we have. Yes. And hopefully that's what this podcast is doing is giving you more information to just build on the information that you have so that we can be a little bit better every day.
Sara: Yeah. So, I feel really excited about this topic because brain development has just been important to me because I'm sure I've shared before, but I have three children and all three of them were born premature, and so their brains started out smaller than the average full-term baby. Right. And so, from the beginning, as a parent, I just felt like I needed to be doing things to help their brains grow and develop. And that's such an amazing thing that we, as parents are able to do that for our kids. Because if you think about it, if we do absolutely nothing as parents to help stimulate brain development, our children are still going to grow up and they're still going to be adults, right? Like their brains are still going to grow and develop. But as parents, we can do more and provide more connections for them, for them to be a more successful adult.
Jen: I think there's the discussion about nurture versus nature and which one is more strong, and I just truly believe that there is a balance. Yes, there's a lot that comes from nature. They're born with certain things, but there's also the nurturing part that just is going to help stimulate that brain development to help encourage those personality traits, whatever it may be. That's where the nurture comes in. And so, it is a balance between the two. There's not always just this one or, oh, it's this. This one is it's a balance between the two.
Sara: Yeah, you need both of them to really have a well-rounded child that grows into a well-rounded adult. Mm hmm. So, what's really awesome is the first few years of a child's life, those early years up to age five. But really, even the beginning ages zero to three is a time of just amazing growth and change in the brain. Because when you think of it as that clean slate, everything that child is doing is brand new for them. And so even little things that we don't think about when it comes to using a crayon or playing with toys, whatever it is, those are brand new experiences for them and their brain is growing and developing and making those stronger connections.
Jen: I always think of when babies are a little and they start seeing their hands for the first time and they're like, “Holy crap, what's that in front of my face?” And then trying to figure out how to move them in a purposeful manner. And those are connections being made as well. Just all of those little things, those every little experience, there's nothing that a baby experiences that they've ever had before. So, I can't even imagine what that would be like. Oh, my gosh, just this huge thing coming in front of my face. And what is it?
Sara: It's blurry, and it's like right in front of you. So, what's really incredible to think about is when we think of these little children who clean slate keeps being the word of choice. But you know, we just think of them as, like, inexperienced, I guess. And in these first few years of life, a baby will learn more during this time period than any other period in their lifetime. In those first few years, that's incredible.
Jen: It just makes you think about that time with your child and the importance of building that attached relationship of giving them positive. Of experiences, you know, when they are having, you know, not so great days when they're toddlers and they're falling down and or having tantrums and things like that, but having that nurturing parent or adult in their life that can pick them up, dust them off, let them know that everything's going to be OK. Again, that's creating those experiences that it's going to let them know later in life that I can fall and it's going to be OK, be physically falling, emotionally falling, whatever it may be. But I really like there are some videos on YouTube, and we'll put them in the show notes, but it's all about serve and return. So, every time our babies are toddlers or just children in general are giving us something, some kind of interaction, it is super important that we are paying attention and returning that. So, if that's with a smile or a high five or a pat on the back or just acknowledging that attempt for connection is really important and the videos are super interesting. So, we'll put them in the show notes.
Sara: So, as we're talking about ways to make connections for our kids and their brains, this is not anything that we have to do in a formal manner. It's not a sit down and have a lesson because we're going to help our kids brains grow right. This is everyday stuff that we're providing for our children. When our toddlers ask why nonstop? We answer and we help them understand, they're asking because they don't know the answer. And for us, that can be really frustrating and annoying for our kids to constantly ask us why. But it's so important for us to respond and give them answers, because not only are their brains growing and learning because of their curiosity, but they're also learning that they can come to us and that we're not just going to push them aside and tell them, I don't know, go away or anything like that. They know that when they ask questions, mom and dad are going to be there for us and answer those questions. And so, it's just setting us up for success. Once they get into those harder edges of teenage years when you need them to come to you, and if we're shoving them aside as toddlers, they're not going to learn to come to us later in life.
Jen: Yeah, I think lots of times we think, well, they're being manipulative, asking why all the time they're trying to get out of things. And we've said it in the past. Kids, this young don't know how to manipulate. They may learn how to manipulate, because that's what we've taught them. But their brain is just not developed to the point to where they know how to manipulate. I always like the sponge analogy. Our children are sponges and whatever they see us do, they're going to duplicate, and that is the good and the bad. So, with kids, this young, if we're seeing negative behaviors, we may need to take a step back and say, What am I showing my kids? What are they seeing me do? How are they seeing me handle being stressed or angry or having a hard conversation with an adult? Are my kids watching that?
Sara: Yes, agreed. So, answering those “Why” questions, that's one way that we're helping with brain development. And that's as our kids are getting older. But we can start as early as infancy.
Jen: I think it's just not just in infancy. I think it can also be prenatal. I mean, how you handle things affects your baby while you're pregnant. What you're eating or drinking affects the way your baby's brain is developing. So, it is really from the get go. I mean, if from at the beginning of the podcast, I said within three weeks, brain cells are being billions of them are being made that early. Yeah, you know, we can have an effect on their brain development.
Sara: Yeah, that's true. But then once their baby is born, like I was saying before, it's not those like formal sit down. I'm going to teach you something, but just anything day to day that we can do to help support brain development.
Jen: So, I'm getting the milk, I'm pouring it into the glass and oh, I spilled it. Now I'm going to clean it up. Not necessarily. Are they learning those steps, but they're learning that is now helping their brain develop communication skills?
Sara: Yeah. And by narrating what you're doing, they're making those connections that's helping those synapses grow stronger to understand and learn those different words. As we're narrating what we're doing, just playing on the floor with our kids can be a way that we're helping with brain development. You know, maybe you're playing with cars because that's something your child is interested in and you're talking about how the wheels roll. And maybe you bring in that if the wheels were square, they wouldn't be able to roll. Or maybe you're organizing the cars into different shapes and sizes and colors and you're talking about those things or putting them in patterns. Our kids are learning different skills like putting in patterns, those are math skills that they're learning, like, that's so awesome that we get to support their development in that kind of way by something so simple in these early years.
Jen: And I also like that just holding and touching and talking with your baby, giving them those loving hugs when they are feeling sad or when your baby is crying, you know, having them in your arms and bouncing them or swaying. Those are all increasing that as well.
Sara: Yeah. So as parents, we are the designers of her child's world and we get to help support their learning and help them make those positive connections. And so, when things happen that they need to feel that love and connection and we're cuddling them, that's just helping those connections in their brain to grow stronger.
Jen: I think we just want to mention because I we know that there are those moms that have a hard time, especially right after birth, and it may be postpartum depression and you may be feeling like, well, I'm not doing any of these things for my baby right now. And that's right. Now we need to take care of you. So, make sure that you are going to your physicians. You're asking for help and getting that so you can provide because I know with postpartum depression, there's a lot of attachment things that can come along with that. And so, you're doing the best that you can with what you have. Go and seek that help that you need so that you can build on the things that you're already doing right now.
Sara: Recognizing for yourself that there, I mean, if you're listening to this podcast and recognizing that you're not doing those things, that that's the first step and recognizing that is so important and good for your child that you're recognizing that and being able to help yourself.
Jen: I just think we forget about postpartum and how long it can really last is not just like the first couple of months of the baby's birth, it can last a long time.
Sara: So, and just because you've lost few months doesn't mean it's the be all end all. Once you're to a better place mentally, then you're able to start with your child and start building on those experiences and connections that they're having.
Jen: This is like the best time because their brains are always it's just like a sponge. They're they're going to make the connections. If you miss a couple of months, you know, we pick up and we go where we left off. And those little brains are super resilient when they're this little.
Sara: Another easy way to help support brain development that is always my go to when I'm talking with parents about this is when you're at the grocery store. Because there are so many things that you can make connections to with sight and sound and smell and touch, the grocery store is filled with things. I mean, think about it as you walk past the bakery, what it smells like versus when you walk past the seafood, what it sounds like. You know, there's just so many things. And if you're narrating what you're doing while you're at the grocery store, your baby is developing language, hearing all these words, it's making those connections in their brain and the things they're seeing. And the sounds like when things come over the intercom announcements versus the radio versus a squeaky cart, all of these things, when you're narrating that to your child and talking about what you're seeing and hearing and all the things, it's just helping their brain grow stronger. So that's an easy opportunity that isn't a formal lesson. Now there is something when it comes to our children's brains developing called sensitive periods. And what this means is this is when there are parts of the brain that are most sensitive to positive and negative experiences, and we have windows of opportunity to help with this brain development in these sensitive periods. So naturally, ones that I can think of that we would automatically recognize as parents is when we have our little babies on the floor and they don't know how to roll over yet. But you might start noticing how they kick one leg over to the side and maybe they're reaching for a toy, but they're not rolling yet, right? That's one of those sensitive periods where you might notice that window of opportunity to help encourage that development. And so maybe you sit on the floor and you start shaking the toy to encourage them to keep trying to roll over, right? Or maybe once they start reaching this stage for crawling, you see them getting up on all fours. And so, it's an opportunity to encourage development or when they pull themselves into a standing position along the furniture. It's a window of opportunity to encourage walking, right? Those are natural, easy ones that we can see, but as they get older, it may not be as obvious. And so, this is us just observing what they're interested in and being present to carry conversations with them and talk about those things that interest them. Maybe it's dinosaurs. And so, we talk about the different kinds and sizes and shapes and the things that they eat. That's a window of opportunity that we're able to help our children's brains grow.
Jen: Do you think with those windows of opportunity of allowing them to struggle a little bit? We want to provide opportunities for them to take those chances of rolling over. So that's providing a toy that they really like. That's a little bit out of their reach so that they're reaching for it or same with crawling and things like that. I think we need to remember we don't want to do it for them because if we do it for them, then those muscles, both in their brains and in their bodies aren't getting strong. We're just doing it for them. I always like there's a butterfly experiment where the butterflies in the cocoon and it's ready to come out and you slice open the cocoon to help the butterfly come out so they don't have to struggle so much. But what happens is you're taking away that opportunity for that butterfly to struggle, to build up its lungs, to build up the things that the butterfly needs to fly. And so, if we cut that cocoon open for them, really, that butterfly is not going to survive. So, it's the same thing with kids. We don't want to do things for them. We want to provide opportunities where they can be successful and learn how to do these things on their own. One of my favorite things to do is watch, you know, when your kids get under the kitchen table, they're crawling. But now they're under the kitchen table, they're on the chairs and they're trying to get through the chairs. Overall, the bars. My instinct is always, well, I'm going to go help them, but I'm like, No, I'm just going to sit here, make sure that they're safe, of course. But I'm going to let them sit here and figure out how to navigate those bars on the chair because I'm like, in my crazy, I guess in a way, nerdy brain. I'm thinking, this is such great brain development for them.
Sara: Yeah, I have those same thoughts, too. So, it's not just, you know, because it's just so fun and to watch them figure it out because as we're sitting back seeing them under the table, we know what they need to do to be able to get out. But they don't know yet. They have to experience it on their own. And it's fun to watch how their brain works. I mean, it's like you can see it working as they're trying to figure it out.
Jen: Wouldn’t it be cool if they had those little communication bubbles that popped up and showed you exactly what was going on.
Sara: Babies are so fun. I could talk about this for hours because I just love how the brain works when it comes to our little children. And it's so encouraging to me as a parent to think that I get to help support my children's brain development and help them be the best version of themselves as they grow up.
Jen: I just think we need to remember how important we are in our children's lives in their development, both physically, socially, emotionally, all of that. We are so, so important to them and we may think that we're not doing a great job. But you know what? You're doing the best that you can, and that's all that we can do.
Sara: You're doing better than you think you are.
Jen: You're being a great teacher.
Sara: I think that we'll close the episode here. So, your challenge this week is first. I want you to take some time to just sit back and observe your children and think about what are they learning with what they're doing right now, how is their brain growing and developing? And then the other thing that I want you to sit back and think about is, how does your baby show you he is curious and ready for stimulation? So that can be with our infants and toddlers. So, when I say, baby, I'm not just meaning our newborns. We're talking about your children. How do they tell you that they need stimulation? Because that looks differently between an infant versus a toddler versus an older child, right? If you have any questions about brain development and child development by all means, please email us at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org, or you can message us on the parents place Facebook group and we can answer your questions there. I'm sure you're not the only one that has that question. And on that group, other parents can see that and learn that information as well.
Jen: And finding reliable information out there can be tricky. And so, let us be the ones that are doing the hard work and getting you the information. So simple message to us. And then you make Sarah and I work and do all the hard stuff.
Sara: We'll do the research for you. Thank you guys so much for joining us and sticking with us through year two of the podcast. We're super excited. If you need to contact Jen or myself outside of email, we also have our Facebook pages. Sara Hendricks Dash the Family Place
Jen: Jen Daly Dash the Family Place
Sara: And if you want to receive. Guaranteeing texts twice a week, you can text “TFP” to the phone number 33222. That is all that we have for you today. We're excited to have you join us again next week on the Parents Place.
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