Ever wonder what you could to to be more involved in your childs education? As a past teacher, Chelsea has some great insight for us! Come listen to Chelsea give some wonderful advice about how to support your children's learning from home and how to build good connections with their teachers!
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Jen: Hi and welcome to the Parents Place podcast, I'm Jen Daly
Hilary: And I am Hilary Anderson
Jen: And we are your hosts today for the podcast. Just so everyone knows today we're doing it a little bit different. COVID has been fun, and instead of doing it within our little recording area, the three of us are in three different zooms, so the sound might be a little bit different. So please forgive us and we hope that you enjoy this podcast today. We have a great guest with us. Her name is Chelsea, and she's going to be talking to us about the importance of supporting our schools and our teachers and how we can do that with our school aged kids. So, Chelsea, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Chelsea: Sure. Hi, my name is Chelsea DeVries and I am now a parent and a teacher. I taught in the school system for four years, so I taught third grade for two years and then I taught physical education for two years. And that was before I had kids. And then I have four kids. Now they are 10, eight, five and two. And it's been a great experience for me to see the difference between being a teacher before I was a parent. And now that I'm a parent and a teacher to get that perspective, I think I support my kids a lot differently than I would have without being a teacher. So now I've been home for several years and now I am working for the Family Place as a family educator.
Hilary: Chelsea, we are very excited to discuss this topic. I think a lot of our listeners have kids who are school age kids, and I think that every single one of us now having lived through COVID, even pre-COVID, obviously understood and recognized how important teachers are and how big of a role they play in our kids' lives. And I think most of us, as parents want to do more, want to find ways to help our teachers and support our teachers as our kids receive this, this education. So, let's just start out with a basic question of what are the best ways a parent can do that? How can a parent best support their child's teacher?
Chelsea: Definitely. When I thought about this, I thought about several different things, but I think the biggest thing that I thought of first was communication, which obviously communication is huge in every aspect of our life, but with our kids’ teachers. If we're not communicating with them effectively, then I feel like everything breaks apart. That is where it all starts, whether it's in person communication, emails, text, you know, whatever their preferred method is, I think that is huge. Just for them to know that you're on their side and you know what's going on. You know you're a part of it. You're not just a bystander, but you're supporting them. And along with that, I was thinking about the image that we give our children of how we feel about their teachers. I've had experiences where my kids will complain about things their teachers do, or they don't like certain policies or things that they do. And I haven't always been perfect. Just this, I'll be honest, but I'm trying to give them a good impression of them. And so even put aside my own personal feelings, even if I don't agree either, and I agree with my child. I try to say, “Oh, well, you know, think about all of these other students that they're trying to teach, you know, think about it from their perspective, think about they might be going through some hard things in their life. And so maybe this part of teaching isn't going great for them”. Or, you know, I just try to get them to see how hard their job is and all the things that they're dealing with. And another thing I think in supporting them that's huge is understanding the curriculum that your kids are learning and no matter what school they go to. I think that is essential. I know that my children school, they have some courses for parents to make sure that they understand the curriculum. And I think that's huge because if you're trying to help them with their homework and you don't know what they're learning, then it's really difficult to help them. One other thing I thought of was volunteering. And I know that this can be difficult with COVID and different restrictions right now, but I think any there's so many different ways that you can help either in the classroom or at home, whether it's, you know, I've graded papers at home for teachers, I've actually been in the classroom and that's a really good experience because especially if my kids are having a hard time in class with other students, with their teacher, in whatever form they might be having, if I'm able to be in there even for 20 minutes and actually see what's going on and be a part of things, it gives me a whole different perspective.
Jen: I think that's awesome, I had a couple of thoughts while you were talking. Especially just supporting them in what they do. I have I come from a family of educators, two of my sisters are educators. My brother in law is an educator. That's where my dad started out in. So, education is a huge thing within my family. And I remember back in the day when I was going to school and something I didn't like that my teacher did or things like that. My mom was really great in always saying, “You know what? That's you're in their classroom. We need to respect them. We need to do what they're asking us to do”. And that was strong, strongly taught within our families of making sure that we're respecting our teachers and following through with what we did. But my mom also, if she didn't agree, she didn't let us know that she didn't agree, but she definitely would go and talk with that teacher because she wanted to advocate for her kids. And she also wanted them to know, you need to respect your teachers. I remember growing up thinking when I saw my teachers or someone that worked at the schools or the grocery store, for me, that was like the greatest thing, like, “Oh my gosh, there's Mrs. Dennis. I can't believe she goes to the grocery store, too”. And I think we've lost a little bit of that. You know, respect or awe of what teachers really have to go through and just watching my sister and how hard she really plans for her little second graders. That was my first thought. The other thought that I had was knowing the curriculum. I never thought of that. And I think it's awesome that your kid's school does classes for parents to learn because you know what? It is nothing like what it was when I went to school math. I tried to talk to my niece one time when she was little and teaching her how to do long division. And she looks at me. She's like. Jen, we don't do it that way. And I'm like, this is the way you do long division, there is no other way. She's like, Yes, there is. Let me show you. And so I can imagine for parents how hard that is to go from especially older parents going from the way we were taught, how to do things to how they're taught now could be hard. So, I mean, those courses is super cool. And maybe not every teacher or school has those courses, but teachers are still willing to help and willing to teach you how to do that as well. So, I can't say enough of how important it is to support them.
Hilary: So, Chelsea, if your school doesn't provide a course like that, do you have any other suggestions, resources, places to go where you could potentially tutor yourself on this new curriculum? Any advice for those individuals that maybe don't have that option in their school?
Chelsea: To be quite honest, I have used YouTube plenty of times and I don't think that that's, I mean, it sounds funny to look towards that or ask Alexa or things like that, but I don't think that's bad. I mean, definitely with the internet, you need to make sure you know where your sources are coming from. But I have learned a lot just from like typing in, you know, my son is in fifth grade, he's doing sixth grade math and it's tough like, I struggle with it. And I've typed in how to do something with decimals. I think multiplying decimals with a certain number of digits and was able to find like little YouTube tutorials. So, I think even something as simple as that can help. And like Jen was saying, I think just reaching out to the teachers and they always have resources, you know, whether you have an actual class that trains you as a parent or not. I don't think there's a teacher out there that doesn't want to help you as a parent. And so, they're going to have, you know, hey, you can look at this website or this resource, or I'll send you this file or, you know, is if you're willing, they're going to give you some of those resources.
Hilary: OK, perfect. I have a follow up question with that because you bring up this how important it is to have communication and with your experience and maybe experience of your colleagues. Do teachers have a preference on how that communication happens, whether that is stopping by the school or a text or a phone call or an email? I know for myself sometimes I, I get a little apprehensive about contacting my children's teachers just because I know that they are so busy and that their time is so limited. And so, I worry oftentimes that, I'm a nuisance if I if I drop into the school and ask questions, which I know that that's not the case, but do you tend to find that most teachers have a preference on what that communication looks like?
Chelsea: That's a great question. I would say, me personally, I always feel like email is a safe bet and I could be totally wrong just in my own personal opinion. I feel like you can send an email at 11 o'clock at night or six o'clock in the morning. And to me, most people, if they're not going to check their email, they're not going to check their email. And so, they'll see it as soon as they're ready to work or they're ready to look at it. Totally, my opinion. So, I could be wrong on that. But I think emails are usually pretty safe. As far as other forms, I know that I think there's a lot of differing opinions as far as texts or phone calls go. I've had some of my kids’ teachers give out their personal phone number and some don't, so I think that can go either way. As far as dropping in, I was always happy to talk to parents that dropped in because that's your first job as a teacher to be there for the kids. And so as much as, yes, you might be needing to plan something for the next day like that always comes second. And so, I don't I wouldn't ever feel bad about dropping in and talking to them. I mean, obviously, they can't talk when they're teaching, but during any break or before or after school, I personally would always, always do that because as a teacher, I think that that face to face communication also is huge. Like you, emails and all of that are great. But if it's something that's more important, you're not going to get the same results and the same communication anyway else, I think.
Jen: Now, I think my sister goes to school probably an hour before, and she stays an hour after. So those are great times, to stop and talk with your teacher. I know she really enjoys it, she likes building that relationship not only with the kids but also with their parents, and it kind of gives her also an insight of where the child is coming from. Any with communication as well. I mean, this is something that when parents are like, my child is having such a hard time at school and then they go into talking about, you know, we're going through a divorce or abuse happened outside of the home or just change, hard changes that may be happening. And those don't get communicated to the teacher. And then the teachers thinking, Oh, we've got behavior problems. And I think if we can help them change that mindset of there's some really hard things going on at home. And then just in my experience, teachers have been so willing to say, “OK, I understand that there's hard things going on at home”. It just changes your mindset on discipline issues that they may have in the classroom. And that doesn't mean you have to tell them all the nitty gritty, but let them know there are challenges going on at home because kids take that to school.
Chelsea: They definitely do, and I think that's huge, because I think as a teacher, it can be hard when you don't know that that's going on, then you make assumptions and think, you know, why aren't they doing their homework? Why is this going on? Why are the parents not talking to me about this? And so, once you are involved in that and both the parents and the teacher on the same page and they know, oh, they're going through a divorce, they're going back and forth between mom and dad every week or things like that. It gives you a different perspective. So, I think it's important as a parent to involve teachers in what is going on at home.
Hilary: So, Chelsea, I feel like unfortunately, a lot of times when parents are reaching out to teachers, it's to have one of those difficult conversations, something about my child struggling. They're not getting the assignments completed. The homework load is too high. You know, we have a bully related problem. When those difficult conversations need to happen, me as a parent, if I have to bring something up, are there things that I can do to make those situations better for both of us? Any tips on that?
Chelsea: I think to me, the biggest thing is remembering that you're on the same side, that you're both you're both advocating for the child. You know, that's what both of you care about. It makes me think of an experience that I had this last year with my so he's in fifth grade now. He was in fourth grade and he had a really hard year and he had an amazing teacher. She was wonderful, but he was in a class with a really difficult group of kids that were really loud, really disruptive and not very respectful. And he's very quiet, soft spoken, thinks everyone should always do what they're supposed to be doing. And so, he has a really hard time with that. And so, he just struggled all year and it was it's hard for me in those situations. I think more so as a past teacher because the teachers know me as a colleague and a parent, and so I'm always worried. What are they going to think if I complain, if that makes sense. But I think I think all parents have that worry. You know, I don't want to complain. I don't want them to think that I'm just the broken record that's always whining about my child. But I talk to the teacher and the principal. Actually, on more than one occasion about it, we had a couple of meetings and I felt like it actually brought the teacher and I closer together. And I think an important part was that we saw each other's perspective. I made sure that every time I talked to her about it, that she knew that I knew she was a great teacher and she was doing a great job, and I wanted to make sure that she knew I wasn't attacking her in any way. You know, we were going through this hard thing with the student, but that wasn't because of her and that she was doing everything that she could and working through it that way. So, I think to me, that's the biggest thing is making sure that you're kind of standing in the other person's shoes and realizing, you know, OK, this is hard for my student, but that doesn't mean that you're a bad teacher, you know. And so just that that level of communication and understanding.
Hilary: Oh, man, that is so powerful, because I feel like so often we as a parent, if we see a struggle or if our child is having a particular issue at school, we come at it so defensive. And I love the idea of sitting down with your child's teacher and being able to empathize and to relate and to come up with a plan together rather than to point fingers and to judge like that. That's incredibly powerful. So, I love that. OK, so the reality is, is that there are a lot of us out here that have had our children's school education flipped upside down because of COVID, and things just look different than what they were a few years ago. And so, for those individuals who have kids in virtual learning or other forms that just look a little bit different than your traditional learning, you have any tips, advice on a situation like that? Where it's more virtual rather than face to face? Does that make for things do different and what were your suggestions? Be on that.
Chelsea: So, this is very close to home for me right now. I we've been in COVID quarantine for the past, I don't know, a week or so. And so, I have been doing virtual learning with my kids and my sister has actually been doing it also. She lives in a different city, but she was just saying to me the other day, “so this this is probably a lot easier for you since you're a teacher, right?” And I said, No, it is hard. I think that any teacher that has kids would say that, yes, of course you have the skill, the ability to teach. But no matter what, when it is your own kids, I feel for you, it is tough. It is not easy in any way. I always when I know it's coming, I know we're going to stay home. It's like I have to gear myself up for it. And I think one of the hardest things for me that I've had to figure out how to juggle is that I have four kids, and not that it's not hard if you have one kid because it's it's hard with any amount of kids. But when you do have multiple kids, that's a huge challenge that I face because how am I supposed to teach my fifth grader, my third grader, my kindergartner and take care of my two-year-old that screaming all the same time? And so that's something that I'm guessing a lot of parents have gone through with all of this is. How do I reach out to all of them? You know, there's only one of me. There's only so much I can do. So, a few tips that I've thought of that have helped me with this. And because I do feel like it's gone a little bit better this time than it did when we were quarantined back almost two years ago. Granted, that was for a lot longer, but I think it taught me some things. One thing that has helped is I've thought about making kind of blocks of time, if that makes sense. And so, I'll think about, OK, I'm going to focus on this this hour or this 45 minutes, and what are we going to do in this short time? And I try to separate the kids because I've learned that if I have all three of them that are in school right around me and I'm trying to help all of them at once, it is horrible. So, I think, OK, what can my oldest do on his own or the oldest to do on their own while I help the third one? And I send them off and they'll do their thing, and I'll help the other one, and then I'll try to get something individual for the third one while I help. The second one and vice versa. And so, I think that's a huge thing is finding ways for them looking at their work and thinking, OK, what can they do individually? What can they do on their own? And what do I need to help them with? And then scheduling in like that one on one time for the things that they need help with. I have my third grader has been doing his math because he came home with or they sent home, I think three different math assignments and there's 30 problems each. They're big. And so, what I've been doing with him is he'll go in, I say, go through it and do as much as you can independently. And so, he'll go through and then he skips the problems that he needs help with. And then I'll say, OK, I have this forty five minutes a lot of time that we're going to work on this and then we go through and do the ones that he needs help with. So, I think just learning how to manage the time is huge. Not saying that it's perfect in any way, but that has helped me a little bit. And along with that, I think it teaches them independence and responsibility. And I've also learned to give them different responsibilities as far as that goes based on their age. So obviously, the kindergartner I'm working with most of the time, but he doesn't have as much schoolwork as the older kids, and then my fifth grader can do most of it on his own. And so I kind of let him take the reins and then I just check in with him and say, Hey, how you doing what you have left? Is there anything you need help with? So I think kind of scaffolding according to what they need and their age.
Jen: I was just thinking it's hard on parents, but we also have to remember that it's hard on teachers. This whole COVID thing turned them on a dime too and they had to figure out how to. To put classes online because a lot of them had never done it, I know my sister, they use the program canvas and when she went to go put her glasses on, there is like, I have no idea how to do it. When she and I were in college together, we didn't have that for college. Teacher gave you a paper syllabus and you wrote down in your calendar when things were due, you didn't have it all on the computer to get to. And so she had no idea how to use canvas. So she's having to go to my niece, who is younger and uses it and as a teacher as well, one would thing, how do I do this? And having to do it in a quick amount of time so that kids could start learning again. And so it's hard on everybody, parents, teachers, kids, it's just not ideal. Teachers want to be in-person with their kids.
Chelsea: I think that is a huge point, and I that reminded me of last all last year when our school was, you know, doing both virtual and in-person at the same time. I was totally blown away. I went into one of my kids' classrooms and saw how the teacher was teaching the kids that were there. And then she was also including the kids that were on Zoom. And, you know, trying to keep up with both. And I was just like, honestly, my first thought was, I'm so grateful I'm not teaching this year, which that's horrible because I love teaching, but I just I just don't know how they did it and still do it with the, you know, it's almost like teaching two classrooms.
Jen: Yeah, I've done it on a parenting level, like teaching parenting classes. That way, some in people and I forget all the time, I feel so badly. I forget about those poor people on Zoom, and they're just, to they are not there because I just can’t see them. But it's awesome that she has the skill to do it and have not acquired that skill yet. It's hard.
Chelsea: Well, it's good to see that perspective. I actually was part of the parenting class last night through Zoom since I can't go in person yet and listened and it, like you said, it gives you a different perspective like, “Oh, hi, I'm here. I know you can't see me. No one's paying attention to me”. So it's good to see all perspectives of it, for sure.
Hilary: Well, that suggestion about doing the blocks chunks of time, I think, is a good one for parents to hear. I, our family ourselves, we haven't done virtual learning for a while now, but we did when COVID hit initially. And I remember as a parent thinking and telling my kids, All right guys, everybody can sit down at the table. We can all work really hard together for the next few hours. Then we can all have a break and we can go do something together as a family. And the idea is really appealing. I think that you can get it all done in an hour or two or some time. But the reality is, is that you, depending on your kids ages, it's really unrealistic to set that up that way. And so, man, I wish I would have known that tip before. I would saved us a lot of stressful days. But I like that. I like being able to say, All right, we're going to focus on this and to give a child with this particular subject. Everyone else can do a different activity together, and then we'll almost take turns and strategically set up the calendar so that it might take a little bit longer in our day. But we're going to be more effective because we're focusing on when that child needs that one on one time. So that's a really powerful thing to remember. Well, any other last final tips that you would make a suggestion for us as parents with children and this could be both in elementary school but also middle and high school? Any other tips that you would want to leave parents with and how we can best support our schools and our teachers?
Chelsea: I would say my biggest thing that I would want someone to take away from this to be would just be to be on the teacher’s side, you know. Be their, I don't want to say friend because it's not like you need to. It needs to be someone that you would go out to lunch with or something, but make it so that it's someone that you can talk to and be honest with in whatever ways that you need to. I and I think being at the school makes a really big difference with that being involved and seeing the parents and the teachers that are there. I think you become a part of the culture of the school. And when they know you, then it's not as big of a deal when you stop by and you have a concern because they're like, Oh, you know, I know she's totally reasonable. I can talk to her instead of just being this, you know, face that they've never seen before, that they don't know exactly what to say or what to expect. So, I think making it so you are part of the community is really a huge thing. And I've seen with each of my kids is I, make an effort to have a good relationship with their teacher. And, you know, some of them I've known better than others. It doesn't always come easily, but just making that effort to, like step out of the box and let them know that I'm willing to help and I'm there and communicating about little things with the kids. I think that that is the biggest thing is having that relationship with them.
Hilary: And I love that it's I mean, when you talk about relationships in general, it's you reciprocate those relationships I've seen with my teachers that I have a one of my students, excuse me, one of my kids. She has some disabilities, and so sometimes learning is a little bit harder for her. But so I'll reach out to her teacher more often than my other students, my other kids as teachers. But I tend to find that, you know, she'll oftentimes reach out to me, send me a message with a picture of a test score that my daughter has received or something that she's done throughout the day or a comment that she made. And she it's so nice to have that connection because a lot of those things, I mean, I would have seen that test come home in her backpack, but to have her reach out to me through that text message just to say, “Oh, you know, your child got 100 percent today, and I know she worked so hard on that. So I just wanted to tell you”. I's such a cool thing to be able to have that and to be able to make that partnership. It is. It's so important for your for your kids to have that as well.
Chelsea: I love that, and I think that that's so true that when you reach out to them as a parent and they can tell that you care, then they're more likely to reach out to you, like you say and send you a note for something that's positive. You know, we were talking earlier about how sometimes as parents, we feel like our interactions are always about negative things. But I think it goes both ways that teachers feel like that often, too. They don't want to always be harping on, you know, what kids are doing wrong. And I so I think, like you say, when we have that relationship with them, then they're able to say, “Oh, hey, I know that his mom would really love it if I sent her that text and showed her that”. So I think that's perfect.
Jen: Well, I want to thank you, Chelsea, for coming in today and being on our podcast and helping us understand ways that we can better support our kids, teachers in the schools and just really everything we've talked about will help our kids be more successful in school and have it be more of a positive experience for them. If you would like to get a hold of Hilary or myself, you can reach us at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org or you can find me on Facebook. Jen Daly - The Family Place If you would like to receive parenting tips twice a week, you can text “TFP” to 33222 t and those would start coming to your phone and give you great parenting ideas twice a week. We hope that you have a great week and we will catch you back here next Monday.
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