Jen and Hilary are going to talk about some of their favorite episodes from our 2022 collection, as well as talk about what to takeaway and prioritizing takeaways. What were some of your favorite episodes from 2022?
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Jen: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast with Hilary and Jen.
Hilary: Welcome to our podcast today. So today is our 2022 year in review, which does that not blow your mind that we already reach the end of 2022? like oh, it's been a fast. For me, I don't. Know about you. It's been kind of a like it's been a fast year.
Jen: Yes, it has been a fast year and I think about this and. I think it was back to the future. That we're traveling to 2020. Some show I can't remember where that was like so far in the future that we would be riding, I don’t know.
Hilary: Oh yeah.
Jen: Skateboards that hover off of the ground and all this other. Stuff and I'm like. Nope, not there yet.
Hilary: Did you watch the Jetsons when you were younger like that? Yeah, that's what I always think about when I think about, like, the future as us, like driving around and not driving. Flying around in like cars, right. And I and. Yeah, and. And it's funny when you talk about, like, back to the future. Like, we were the future. And we look at ourselves and we're like. We're not quite there yet. I don't have my flying car, but maybe one day.
Jen: I would love to have a flying car.
Hilary: You know what, I don't doubt that we will see that at some point right, maybe not in our lifetime but with the technology and how it's progressing, you never know what's going to come out next so. You know, I might have my flying car one day and be a Jetson.
Jen: Ohh, I'll be 95 years old and flying a flying car.
Hilary: And then you won't have to worry about driving through the Canyon in the winter, right? Yeah, you'll be perfect.
Jen: I'll be doing this job. I tell people. Just roll me out on my chair.
Hilary: Well, never did we ever think that we'd be able to do this job virtually either. And you know, so you think about where you were before and the fact that we're doing this podcast and. You know. This was probably never in anybody's plan 40 years ago, and yes, we're here, so, we'll see.
Jen: Agreed. And 2022 has also given us our own little joys. If you want to call them Joys, I would not call them joys. But you know, gas being the way it is and food being the way it is, like good gravy. What's been positive this past year? But there's a lot of positivity. That happens throughout the year.
Hilary: So, with the new year coming, are you a New Year's resolution type person?
Jen: No, because I'm always breaking them in the next week, so I might as well not set myself up for failure.
Hilary: You know, I always had the like. I love now, let me clarify. I love making goals. Do I love following through with those goals? Definitely not. But I love the preparation component of it, right? I love creating the goals and like. And typing them up on a fancy piece of paper and putting them somewhere on my house. I love. That organizational aspect of it, but then when it's actually time to implement it like this is where my downfall is. Sorry, say that again.
Jen: What do you make for yourself?.
Hilary: Well, so it's funny because I have transitioned kind of my goal making mindset over the years. I used to always have the same goals. It's usually, you know, like the I'm going to eat healthier and I'm going to start exercising and those types of goals that. We never really could follow through with. And I've learned overtime and we've discussed this in our podcast anyway. But you know, the idea of making our goals small, measurable, very specific. And so I remember one year and. I did pretty good at this. But one year I had the goal that I was going to add more color to my wardrobe because I would go to my closet and I would literally see all I had were blacks and Blues and dark greens. And I was like, I need to add some color here. I've got, you know, all of these neutral tones. And so for that year, my goal was when you go to the store and when you're buying a new outfit or a new shirt, don't automatically reach for the black shirt. Try something different every once in a while. And it was kind of fun. Because I feel like, honestly, I bought a few things that I probably wouldn't have about before. so that that was that was a good one. I also had another goal one year that I was going to. So, I'm not a book reader. One of those things that I hope at some point in my life I can be better at. But I just had a goal that I was going to read one book a month, which for some people are like sweetie. I read one book a week that is not a hard goal. But for me it is. So, I had to make a goal, one book a month. And that was a fun one, too, right? It was small. It was measurable for me, it was attainable. And so that was another good one. That I did one year too. So, I try to find things where I'm like, alright, like shoot for the baby steps, right? Because if you can accomplish the baby step, then that then we'll do another run after that. But. Things for me, it's things outside of the ordinary. I it's beautiful that I always tell myself you're gonna eat healthier but. We see how that's gone so far, so I got to think of something different.
Jen: I just people set so many goals for themselves and I'm like when you have that many, you're just gonna not do any of them.
Hilary : Yeah.
Jen: So, I always like to say 1 to 3
Hilary: Yeah, that's a good idea.
Jen: And those are the goals that you can set for yourself. And I always like one of those threes. To be something that I'm already doing that I just improve upon.
Hilary: That's a good idea, because then you're not necessarily reinventing the wheel like you're just continuing to develop those good habits that you've already started. That's a good one. I like that. No, that's a fantastic idea. I have yet to decide what they will be for this year, but I love, like, the beginning of the New Year because I think it, it's just, it's the feeling, it's the mindset of kind of starting new, right. And I think there's something. There's something exciting about that. So, whether I embrace it or not, you know, there are some years that I do better than others, but.
Jen: It's the unknown. You don't know what to expect.
Hilary: Yeah, which can be really daunting for some people. But you know, after a rough year, that might feel kind of good to think, OK, clean slate. Like, I can make this how I want, right? So, let's talk podcast because we've had a year full of podcast episodes. What stands out to you? What are some of the ones that that you loved? Are there any particular topics or episodes or what? Yeah. What are some of your biggest takeaways from it?
Jen: For me, I've I love that we have started the stories of resilience. Those have been some of the my favorite episodes because I'm just always amazed at what people have gone through. I love hearing their stories and how they come out onto the other end. In a positive way. And it reminds me that even though I have hard things too. They may not be as hard as theirs, but my hard things are just as important as they're hard things. But one example it is to see of how they came out on the other end that I can apply to my hard things. Yeah. And so I've really loved it.
Hilary: I hope that you guys, as listeners, are enjoying those segments and honestly there are sometimes when those individuals that are guests. For those stories of resiliency, they are individuals that we know very well. They are close family members or friends or even colleagues, but other times it has been referrals. Maybe a colleague knew of this person or this person even reached out to us individually, and it's been so powerful to hear these stories like you said. And to have these people essentially, o pen their hearts to a very special, very intimate time in their lives, and so we appreciate all of those individuals that have been a part of that. Because I think that's part of that resiliency process is being able to share your journey because through that sharing, I think you're not only helping yourself, but you're helping other people too, who may essentially be going through a similar journey so. We always leave those episodes feeling very humbled by what has been shared and very grateful for the experience been really cool.
Jen: Yes. I mean, it's hard to invite someone into your vulnerability and that's what it is. Yeah, super humbling that they're willing and to share.
Hilary: You know, I have loved, I think the thing that I have learned through this experience is that everyone has an expertise in some field. And I think so often we look at ourselves and we're like I. So I'll be honest. That word expert I don't like that word because there's been times. I'm sure you've had this experience too, where you have been called an expert in different fields and I'm always like oh. I don’t want you to put that label on me. I mean because that means that I know all when it comes to the field of family life, or parenting or child development or whatnot. It's kind of a daunting label to put on you. But and sometimes I look at myself and I am like I am an expert in nothing. But honestly, it's been so fun to have these different guests come in and share their knowledge and expertise in in different fields that I don't. I don't have knowledge and expertise in. I remember we had a dermatologists come in and talk to us about acne. Specifically, kind of skin care for teens, which. I was one of those people that kind of lucked out as a team that I usually just had fairly good skin and so a lot of your, your basic skin care routine was enough for me. But going into this stage with my son, I'm like this is completely new territory to me. I know nothing about the products and what I should avoid and what I should be doing and so that one was incredibly eye opening to me because I can honestly say I walked into that with a clean slate having zero knowledge of what to do. And it was fantastic. He shared so many helpful tips. I remember we had two wonderful individuals from our local school district. That talk to us about IEPs. Which again I I haven't experienced that with my children. I have many friends who do have IEPs for their children in the school setting, but for me that was something that I could not tell you a lot about and they were incredibly knowledgeable in that field and I know that many, many parents have questions on how to maneuver that. And it's so important for their kids to have as part of their education, and so, you know,. We've talked about this before we had an instructor up at our university who came and talked to us about water safety. And so different topics that have come and have shared, uh, different individuals that have come and shared their knowledge. And I'm like this is so cool. That we are all very different and we have different skill sets, right? And we can bring these different skill sets to the table and to help each other out. And it just kind of reminds me of this kind of this, this community effort to help raise families. And I think that's really powerful. That's been probably the most powerful thing for me to see is everybody bringing what they know to help other people.
Jen: I think, probably the funnest one that we've done, I. It was interesting to have the tables turned for our 100th episode and have somebody interviewing us at the other way around. We had a lot of good laughs during that one and I really enjoyed recording that one.
Hilary: Yeah. We learned that we like to be the interviewer, not the interviewee.
Jen: Absolutely.
Hilary: And I wanna be put on the hotspot. Have the questions thrown to me, but yeah, it's true. It's fun to be on the opposite end of things, right? And to be able to share a little bit about us and. Yes, we had. We had some solid laughs at that one. That was a good one.
Jen: Yes, we did.
Hilary: You know, for all of our guests that have been here, we appreciate everything that you guys have done because you have helped make this podcast. Jen and I are just, I mean we are we are helping to direct the conversation, but essentially you're doing our job for us. Because without our wonderful guests, I mean, this wouldn't be what it is and seeing we appreciate everybody that has come here some very willingly, some of our colleagues be grudgingly. But they came regardless. Yes, and we appreciate that.
Jen: I keep wanting to get our therapy director on because he does a great. He's done great presentations at different conferences for shame. And how to deal with shame? And I would love to have him come on so that I think for the next year I'm going to have our little friend MarLyn really hound him and get a date down because I think that's really calling for lots of people to have shame. And so I feel like that's a good a good topic, we. Should go on.
Hilary: So you know who you are. We won't name names, but we're coming for you. That's what it sounds like, right?
Jen: Yep. Now I can tell them we've put the challenge out there, so now it needs to be fulfilled.
Hilary: That's right. That's right. So maybe let's kind of end with this any you know with it being the new Year kind of like you said that new clean slate, it's opportunity to make changes and gain new insight. Do you have any like thoughts on positivity, resilience expectations for this this upcoming year for our listeners? Any kind of lessons learned, I guess.
Jen: Lessons learned from this past year. I think. That it would have to be that. Yes, there's disappointment in life. But that doesn't have to define my life. And yeah, it's still OK. I can come out on the other end and be OK. I feel like there's been lots of for me personally, a lots of disappointing things that have happened, but there's still lots of great things and that through that disappointment, I have learned a lot about. Myself about the importance of gratitude for what I do have. And so for me, those are the positive things that have come out of. This year and my funny voice for some reason. Ohh goodness.
Hilary: Which hopefully won't continue through 2023, right?
Jen: Hopefully not.
Hilary: You know. If you are a regular listener to this podcast, I'm sure you've noticed that there are different things that that continue to come up throughout discussions, and one of those is. Finding that support system in your life. I mean, we talked about that as a benefit to, you know, to mental health, to stress. But I think every person we've spoken to about their story of resilience, they've talked about that they've talked about finding those people in their life, finding your people, finding your village, your community. That is so powerful and I know. But for some people, that's really hard. That's a hard thing to do. You know, it was funny because. We were. I was. I was talking with a neighbor of mine and she was she kind of is in charge of our youth group at our church. And she was talking to some of the youth about making friends because one of the girls was having a hard time making friends. And. And so she was offering her feedback and her advice and her empathy. And she said, you know, sweetie, the hard thing is that like, that is a hard thing for so many people. And you think it gets easier as adults. It's still hard as adults to make friends. Sometimes I think it's even trickier because then you don't necessarily have, like, the social setting of school. Some of these extracurricular activities. But so, it's a tricky thing to do to make these friendships and to build these relationships and so and I think it's a good reminder for all of us that having that support system, it doesn't necessarily have to be a large quantity of people. And maybe our support system is 3 and that's it. But if those are three people we know we can turn to turn to at any time. To me, that's more powerful than having hundreds of followers on Instagram that we don't really know.
Jen: And really don't care for the most part what you're going through.
Hilary: Yeah. Exactly.
Jen: It's a huge protective factor and one that leads us to resilience is having that support group. I mean, I think about mine and it's really. My family, my husband and one really good friend. I'm an individual that has a small group and I like it that way. Yeah.
Hilary: And that's OK, Like you said we know we know not only through research or excuse me through experience but through research just how important those social connected connections are so. You know. Here's my suggestion that I would offer, and this is a suggestion that I like to offer to all of my parents that I teach in parenting classes or in home settings or whatnot. But so often when we seek out kind of some self-help through workshops or books or even a podcast like this. You're getting here oodles of suggestions of what you could do, what you should be doing, and I don't know about you, but for me it's really easy for me to sit back and to, like, almost make this mental list of all the things that I should be doing differently. And then I am the type of personality that once I've heard that, I'm like, OK. Ohh time. I need to attempt to switch 25 things in my lifestyle that I'm doing wrong at this point and that lasts for about a solid hour before I quit, because if we attempt to do too much, you know we're it's natural, we're all going to get frustrated and we're going to give up. And so I always like to offer the advice that really the best thing you can do for yourself is you can take one thing and do one thing at a time, and I always give the comparison. You know, if you're at your favorite restaurant and you look at the menu at the restaurant, chances are if it's your favorite restaurant, you're going to look at that menu and you're going to see 10 things that look good. But you would never choose to order all ten of those items. You're going to look at the list and you're going to say what sounds best to me at this time. And. And then you're going to enjoy it, right? You're going to take your time. And then maybe next time you come, you might try something different. You might stick to the same thing. If you're like my husband, you always stick to the same thing. Never veer away from your from your favorites. Anyway. I like to compare that to, like, doing new things and implementing new skills that, but you don't try to do everything all at once. You pick that one thing that sounds best to you, that one thing. That that stands out in your head and then you work on that thing and sometimes working on that thing make means making some tweaks and modifications here or there. When I go order food, I hate mushrooms. And so I always leave mushrooms off of my order and sometimes when we're changing behaviors, we have to do that right. We say to ourselves, OK, I'm going to implement this new plan, but I'm going to take out this portion even though it worked for that person. And I know that that's not going to work for me. And so I'm going to make that change for me.
Jen: Definitely.
Hilary: Based on myself and my skills and my personality and then we just got to take it one day at a time. There are so many good guests that have been on this podcast. They've shared so many insightful things. But it's unrealistic for us to do all those inside, yeah, so.
Jen: Do everything. It reminds me of one of my favorite movies. It's called the power of 1 and. They're it's they're in Africa and during apartheid and. He the main character is asked. To teach all of these Africans, how to read so that they can better themselves so they can vote, and all of these other things. And he thought it was so daunting. But there's a scene in there where they're at Victoria Falls. And I can't remember who he's with, but he says this waterfall started with one drop and. And look what's happened now. And so I think when we do take that one thing, lots of other things can fall into place. To where you're making lots of changes and unaware that you're making them.
Hilary: It always reminds me that, especially in regards to parenting, we have a lot of parents that come to us with concerns, and the question is, you know, how do I change my child? Right. How do I make them do something differently than what they're doing and the reality of life is you can't really force someone else to change.
Jen: Yeah.
Hilary: You know, as frustrating as that is, but I think. We notice that when we're changing behaviors in our self as a parent, you do you start to see these little trickle effects that if I'm going to make a more conscious effort to stop yelling at my child, let's say. Then you're going to see this trickle down effects. That if I'm treating my child more kindly, they're probably going to start treating me more kindly as well too. So, it's the beauty of it, right. But sometimes when you focus on one thing, you're going to see multiple things improve. Just because of that effort, of the one that one dropped, that's a cool thing to remember. And I think that's a good. It's a good mindset for us to have moving forward for this upcoming year. So, I like it.
Jen: Alright, well hopefully you guys have enjoyed this and we can choose one thing. That we want to try, and if it doesn't work you. Can always adapt. We hope that you have a great year and we also hope that you will join us next Monday for another time, another podcast we hope you had a wonderful holiday season and that you start this new year off exactly the way you want to start it out. Thank you for joining us and we'll see you here next week.
Thank you for listening to the Parents Place podcast. If you would like to reach us, you can at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org or you can reach Jen on Facebook. Jen Daly - the Family Place. Please check out our show notes for any additional information. Our website is thefamilyplaceutah.org if you're interested in any of our upcoming virtual classes, we'd love to see you there.
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