This past year played a big role in our mental health, especially for our children and teens. Cassie helps us understand different aspects to mental health in our youth and what parents can do to support their kids.
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Jen: Hello and welcome to the Parents’ Place, a podcast put out by the Family Place for parents to develop skills that will strengthen families and provide tools that will help each of us in our parenting efforts. No matter our skills, we can always use reminders that help us work towards a safer, happier home. I'm your host, Jennifer Daly, the education director at the Family Place and my co-host is Sara Hendricks, a family educator at the Family Place. Every week, we will interview professionals that will provide valuable information that will make a difference when you apply it directly to your life. Thank you for joining us. Now, let's get started with today's episode.
Jen: Hi, and welcome to the Parents’ Place podcast. I'm your host, Jen Daly,
Sara: and I'm your co-host Sara Hendricks.
Jen: Today we have Cassie with us and she is going to be talking to us about mental health first aid for youth. And I feel like this is a really important topic because of the past year we’ve had, and that affects our youth as well. And so this will be great information to help us understand the signs and symptoms and what we can do to help our youths handle mental health issues in a better manner. So Cassie, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Thank you, Jen and Sara. I'm happy to be here. My name is Cassie Alarcon. I've been on the podcast a while back, and I'm happy to be back. Thank you for inviting me. I'm a family educator at the Family Place. I've been here for about two years and last year I took on a new role as a certified mental health first aid instructor. So I'm happy to be here today to share with you some more information about mental health.
Sara: Well, I'm excited that you're here because I feel like mental health has been sort of a buzz word for the Family Place. We've really had a big focus on it and for good reason. As Jen was saying this past year, it's definitely been concerning. And so I'm excited to learn more about this. We had our I'm Still Here campaign. I've seen signs and things outside of the local high schools about “tomorrow still needs you” and different messages to youth to encourage them to stick around. So can you talk to us about mental health challenges, what they are and what's the best language to use to refer to them?
Cassie: Yeah, great question, because a lot of people sometimes don’t feel free to talk about these things because they don't know what words to use and what words might offend people. So basically, mental health challenges is just a broad term that covers things that are diagnosable, like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or clinical depression. But it can also include symptoms that we might be experiencing that aren't necessarily things we could get a diagnosis for, like sadness or grief or stress or things like that. So if you're wondering what language to use, it's totally appropriate to say mental health challenge. And then if you know that someone has a diagnosis, we can use things like mental health illness, mental illness, or mental disorder.
Jen: That's really helpful to understand what is appropriate and what is not going to make someone feel less than almost. And so I feel like this in the mental health, like Sara was saying, it's kind of like that buzz word for the Family Place. But I feel like it's becoming more out there to talk about. I mean, I'm just barely getting into football with my husband. But there's a football team that does their whole focus is because all of those teams do service and things like that, and that's their focus is to focus on mental health. And so I feel like it's maybe in its infancy of coming to be this thing that we're willing to talk about, and we really need to be talking about it. Because one thing that my husband always says is mental health issues are those things that you can't see and so you don't talk about it or you don't think that they're as serious as if you break a leg or if you break an arm or whatever. You can see that and you know that that's a disability. Or if you have cerebral palsy, you can see that. But with mental health, you can't. And so it's important that we understand the right verbiage and that we're being respectful to those who do have to deal with these kinds of things. So how common are mental health challenges within our youth?
Cassie: That's a great question. I think there are a lot more common than most people realize. Like you said, we're kind of just starting to hear about these things a little bit more, but it doesn't mean that it's a new problem or that it's a small problem. Studies have shown that as many as one in five teens and adults, this statistic applies to adults as well, but one in five teens are suffering with a mental health challenge. And often people are shocked by this, and they imagine a high school classroom with 25 kids sitting in the desks and have the front row of five kids stand up. And those are kids who are struggling with mental health challenges. And then studies show that half of the U.S. population at some time in their lifetime will have symptoms serious enough to warrant a diagnosis for mental health illness. So now you look at that classroom of 25 kids and imagine 12 or 13 that maybe not today, but some point in their life, they're going to be struggling with some pretty serious symptoms and challenges. The issue is not just mental health, but that spills over into every aspect of your life. It can affect your job and your finances, your relationships with other people, friends and family, your school performance, and physical health. So it really is a big issue that can affect our lives in a lot of ways, and that's why we need to help people understand and talk about it.
Jen: And I think it's one that needs to not be belittled. Just suck it up. Or things like that, saying those kinds of things don't help anyone. Validation is more appropriate and more helpful for that person that's going through that situation, saying, Yeah, that's really hard, that's got to be frustrating. I can't even imagine, but I'm here to talk or I'm here to listen and things like that because I feel like with parents, not all parents, but some parents. I think it's like, Oh, come on. This is the buzz word. So we're going to just go along with it. But mental health is a serious thing, and as we can tell, it is a very common thing.
Sara: That's exactly what I was thinking as well, because what you were saying to me, those statistics were really sobering to hear that it is a big issue and something that we need to take more seriously because if our children had other organ failures, we would take those very seriously. But when it comes to the brain, we try to just brush it off as like, just be happy, you know, and that's not the case. We need to take those concerns seriously. So those statistics that you shared to me, those were pretty alarming. So how does that turn into suicide? Is that common in teens to die by suicide?
Cassie: If the last statistics I shared were surprising to you, I think this will really be surprising. So if you look at the U.S. population, Americans aged 10 to 34 or think about a 10 year old. This starts really young. But suicide is the second leading cause of death for that age range, and it's very close behind accidental injury, which includes car accidents and suicide rates for teens and young adults, went up almost 60 percent from 2008 to 2018. So it's not a problem that's getting any better. Statistics are showing that it's just getting worse. The CDC does a youth risk behavior survey and in 2019, so this is pre-COVID-19. They found that one in five youth had seriously considered attempting suicide. One in six had made a suicide plan and one in 11 had made an attempt. And we don't have new data yet to show what 2020 looks like and all the effects of the pandemic that we mentioned before, but we assume those numbers are going to be higher. So again, look at that high school classroom of twenty- five kids. I think that at least two of them have made an attempt. And these numbers are just talking about suicide if we include non suicidal self-injury, which is when somebody hurts themselves not trying to take their own life. Those numbers are even higher. We don't have super good statistics on this, but it's estimated between five and 19 percent of middle and high school students engage in self-harm. And many people think this is just cutting, but it can be a lot of other things too, like scratching, tearing and burning the skin, extreme dieting over exercising, pulling out their hair, overdosing on medications, drugs, alcohol. So there's a lot of different things that can fall in this category, but scary to think about how many kids might be engaging in these sort of behaviors and their parents and friends and family don't even know about it. So these things are actually really common. Many people suffer in the dark because they're embarrassed, right? They don't want their parents to know. They don't want to make their parents feel bad or not just their parents, but their friends and other people, too. But really, they don't need to suffer in the dark right if everyone understood how common suicidal thoughts were it would be a lot easier for them to reach out for help. And I think you could kind of normalize the fact that just because you're having those thoughts doesn't mean you need to act. And that can be helpful for people to be able to know that when they start to feel those things in themselves, that they can reach out for help and prevent themselves from actually getting to a place where they can attempt to help.
Jen: I just think about the self-harm part. And lots of times kids hide those in places too, where you can't see them so that they're not embarrassed or that they're not telling other people. It's just interesting. I've been working with some youth and probably three out of the eight that were in the class had participated at some time with self-harm. The extreme exercising, but also one that was rubbing erasers on her arm to where it left burn marks. And there was another one that did extreme exercise, but it just saddens me that they feel like they have no other tools to take out that pain or sorrow or frustration of what's going on in my body anyways. That just brought another thought, Can you imagine having those things going on in your body and then everything else is going on during youth, just hormonally and everything else? Good golly. Yeah, that's a lot. So since this is a confusing time and there's a lot of changes within kids and they're trying to figure out who they are and figure out their bodies and things like that, what about those youth who identify as LGBTQ. Is it different for their community?
Cassie: That's a great question, Jen, and I'm really glad you asked because these are hard conversations to have. Talking about suicide and people this young, but can we have the conversation it is really important that we include this group because studies show time and time again that they are much higher risk to have mental health challenges and to die by suicide. This in no way means that if you have a youth in your life that they are struggling or that they are going to have suicidal thoughts, but it means that we need to keep an extra close eye on them and understand their experience. So in that CDC risk behavior study that I mentioned earlier, they found that 40 percent of teens who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual had made a plan for suicide. And then if we look at actual attempts again, the numbers are much higher. There are actually five times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youths. So that's twenty three percent of teenagers who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual that are making attempts on their life. That's even hard for me to say. I think you look at a number that big and think about those teenagers and all they have going for them in their lives. It just must be an incredibly difficult time. Like you said, being a teenager is hard enough as it is. But then you add in these youth who are questioning their sexuality or who have identified as LGBTQ+ that's just such a bigger challenge that they have to deal with. And then something else I find interesting is if you look at these youth, those whose families are not accepting of their sexuality are eight and a half times more likely to attempt suicide than the LGBTQ teenagers whose families are accepting. So that's eight and a half times more likely than the 23 percent we already talked about. It's just such a high number. I know these numbers are hard to look at and especially hard for those of you who may have someone in your life who fits into this group, but it just really speaks to the difficult experience that they may be having. And like I said, it helps us know that we need to keep an extra close eye on them and try our hardest to identify with the things that they may be experiencing, the difficulties and challenges that they may have.
Jen: This just confirms to me that communication is so important. And yes, they may be hard topics of mental health or sexuality, drugs and alcohol. Whatever the conversation may be so important to talk to them about it so that they know that you're a safe person to come to. You may agree or disagree with whatever they're going through at that time. But just to be able to sit there and say, I’m hear to listen and I'm here to talk about it and have those hard conversations is so important. I mean, literally, there's lives on the line if we don't talk about this stuff.
Cassie: I think you're totally right, Jen. And it is a really difficult time in their life. And it's important for parents to be able to have conversations about the small things so that when the big things come up that they can talk about those too.
Sara: I think that you make a really great point, Cassie and Jen, that we need to have that open communication. And one thing that I think can be difficult is we know that teens can have challenging behaviors as they're trying to gain their own independence and exert that independence. And so how can we tell the difference between typical adolescent behaviors and signs and symptoms of mental health challenges?
Cassie: That's a good question, Sarah, because it can be really tricky. Adolescents, and really, even like the later part of childhood, is a time where there's a lot of change. Kids are going to change the kind of people that they want to be around with, the kind of hobbies and sports, things that they enjoy, they're going to change the way they dress and even their bodies are going through a lot of changes, just the way they look. So parents who once had a great relationship with their kids might suddenly feel like they don't even know who the teenager is that's living in their basement, right? And all of these things can be a normal part of development. We expect to see a lot of change, and that's good this time of our life, and we need to figure out who we are and where we fit in. And so it's OK to have some of that experimentation changes. But it's also important for parents to keep a close eye on what is going on in their teenager's life and not just talk everything up to, you know, they're just in that stage of life, but be able to watch out for some things that might make us believe that there are some sort of mental health challenges going on. So just to give you an idea of some of those things that you can look out for are like changes in eating or sleeping patterns that seem kind of drastic for your child. You might also notice changes in school. Maybe they used to be a really great student, and all of a sudden they're not doing their homework or they don't care. They're turning things in late. Or maybe they used to love soccer or basketball, and now they don't want to go to practice, and they don't seem to care about things that they used to enjoy. Parents might also notice changes in their child's mood or way of being, right, so a teenager who used to be just really calm and mellow may suddenly start showing signs of anger or aggression. They might be really rebellious or hyperactive or just things that parents will know isn't typical for their own child. So some of these things are normal. Like I said, we expect to see some changes. But when things like this go on for an extended period of time, maybe a few weeks go by, a few months go by and it's not getting better. That's when we should start to think that there might be something more serious going on. And then I just got to say one of the biggest things to watch for is disconnect. So I think we kind of have that typical picture of a teenager right there, the one sitting in the corner, or they're in their room with the door shut, headphones on, drowning out the world. And there's nothing wrong with that. We all like to be alone sometimes. But if all of a sudden your teenager seems to want to be alone all the time, they don't want to hang out with friends or family anymore, or they don't seem interested in engaging with other people at all. That can be a really big red flag for a lot of different mental health challenges and even for suicidal thoughts, they might say or post things on social media about not having a purpose. Nobody likes me. What's the point? Kind of things like that. That show hopelessness. So again, to some degree, a little bit of this is normal. But if we're seeing a lot of big changes in are going on for a long time, it's time for us to have some of those maybe difficult conversations with our kids and talk about calling professional help.
Jen: I think understanding that it's that drastic change that, yes, teenagers, we all went through it. We all were kind of wacky during that time anyways. But then if it makes that huge leap to where it's like, Good golly, what's going on, then that's where we need to step in. So what can parents do if they do notice that their child is making this drastic change or has this drastic change?
Cassie: I don't see first parents need to think about how they approach their child. Of course, as parents, we love our kids, and so we're going to want them to tell us and we might even be tempted to force them, right? You're not getting out of this car until you tell me what's going on or you know I'm taking your phone away until we have this conversation or something like that. But ultimately, that's not helpful, what we want to do when we do approach them to have this conversation is make sure that we're coming from a place of love and caring and that they can feel that. So maybe you ask them about it and they don't want to talk about it, and that's OK. You can try again another day. Or maybe they don't want to talk to you, but they would talk to your spouse or maybe they have an aunt or uncle or somebody else in their life who they feel more comfortable talking to. That's okay. That can be hard as a parent to come to that realization. But if there is someone else who's better for them to talk to. It's okay for them to have that conversation with another trusted adult. But I would say, do your best to get them to open up to you. Make sure you're coming in with what we call I statements, right? So instead of saying things that put blame on your child, say things that bring it back to you, right? I really noticed lately that you haven’t been acting like yourself, or it seems to me that you've been having a hard time, can we talk about it. Some other ways of approaching them might make them feel kind of defensive. But if you come, like I said from that place of caring and I want to know more about how I can help you. They are a lot more likely to open up. And I've just got to say I always tell parents, if you want your kid to get to talk to you. Get in the car. Go for a ride. I think there's just something magical about sitting in the car that private space where you know nobody else is listening in and you don't necessarily have to have the eye contact. Teenagers just seem to open up a little bit more that way. So I would say go for a ride or take him somewhere where you can be alone and just come to them from a place of love and then ask a lot of questions and just listen. We might be tempted to start to lecture or start to give advice or tell them about our own adolescence and what was hard for us. But really, what they need is just for us to listen. And that's what we need so that we can understand what really is going on. We might assume that we know more about the situation than we really do. So just ask lots of questions and listen.
Jen: I have two questions to ask about I think, what if we as parents can get over ourselves a little bit when it does come to these conversations? And if our kids do need to talk to somebody else, I mean, it's not. I don't think it's a dig at us or saying, I don't love you or I don't want to talk to you. I think there's a sense of fear in there that they're going to get in trouble and so with a parent they may be less likely to talk because they're afraid they're going to get in trouble for something, even though they wouldn't. This would be a time to where we want to listen and come to that place from caring and loving things like that, but they just may not understand and look at I'm going to get in trouble for having these feelings.
Sara: Especially if they participated in any kind of self-harm.
Jen: Yes, yes. Years ago, and I think I shared this on the podcast earlier, in one of the earlier episodes that I had one mom, years ago, say my daughter would never talk to me. And so how she ended up getting her daughter to share with her was she just bought one of those a journal or a compositional book that they get like in school and things like that. And she just wrote one question like, How was your day today? And then she would leave it on her pillow or slide it underneath her door, and then her daughter can answer it, and then her daughter could leave it on her pillow or leave it under her door. And so I feel like that sometimes we just have to be creative in how we approach our youth and make every effort that we possibly can to kind of build that relationship of trusting open communication.
Sara: I love that idea. I have two kids that I think would latch on to that and think they're so special to get to have this notebook between mom and just them to have this conversation back and forth. That's private. You know, I think they would love that.
Jen: Well, I just think back on our Mother's Day episode and how important that was for one of our youth that were on that podcast of how important it was just for that special time between her and her mom. And so she was able to go to her mom and talk to her. But doing the journal thing is just another way to create that bond and that attachment.
Sara: And sometimes it's hard to say those things out loud. And so being able to write it down have that conversation back and forth could really help our teens be able to open up and have more conversation with us. And maybe it can trigger more conversation from our end of following up. What did that mean, you know, more open ended questions to create more conversation. So we've been talking about what parents can do if they noticed anything but what could parents do if their child notices signs and symptoms in their friend?
Cassie: That's a great question. I think first and foremost, we need to help our kids understand that they don't need to take it on alone. Friends are a great source of support in the teenage years, but when it comes to mental health challenges, no teenager should feel like they have to fix their friend or that they have to take on what that all by themselves. And so it's important for parents to be able to help their child say, OK, who can we refer to your friend to or what adults might they open up to? And if it's not their parents, maybe it's a school counselor or a teacher, a resource officer? Or maybe it's you right? As a parent of the friend, maybe they feel like they could open up to you. And along with that, I just want to say, you know, whether it's a youth or whether it's us as parents, we should never feel like we have to take it all on by ourselves. Mental health challenges are health challenges, and we need to see professionals not in every case, sometimes with just some things that we can do on our own. We can get to feeling better, but often it's very helpful to see a doctor or a therapist or another type of professional who was trained to help in these situations. So whether it's your own child or maybe your child's friend, it's important to recommend and call in professional help when necessary.
Jen: I just am thinking about this as well as we tend to take things on ourselves and teens should not be taking this on. And even adults, it's hard to take on someone else's mental health issues and try to help them. So getting professional help is super important. But if we are dealing with this within our own homes, then I feel like also self-care is super important. Lots of times the caregiver of the person that is having problems with mental health issues, it really takes a toll on them as well. So making sure that they have an outlet, that they have some self-care that they're doing and having someone to talk to for them as well could be very important for those people in their lives. So you've given us a lot of great information, and I feel like this is a super important topic that we could talk on many times within our podcast. We want our children and our youth to be safe and healthy. And I just think of that sign that you are saying, we need you tomorrow. I mean, it's just so important in those decisions when it does include suicide is just such a small blip on this thing we call life. It's just a small blip. And really understanding that tomorrow may still not be the greatest day, but it may be a little bit better, especially if we can teach ourselves and our kids and our youth to go out and seek help. And if we don't know where help is, then we can find that in one way or another. So do you have resources that you can share? So if that does happen, people do know where they could go if they need some help.
Cassie: Yes, of course, like you said, there's always hope for recovery and there's a lot of people out there who want to help. So just a few things I would mention. First of all, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can call 1-800-273-talk. There's also a crisis text line where you just text 741741, and that will connect you to mental health professionals who are able to help in the moment if you're dealing with a crisis of suicide or suicidal thoughts. The Trevor Project is an organization that provides crisis services specifically to LGBTQ+ young people. So that's a great resource if you do have someone in your life who identifies as LGBTQ. And then for those of you that are in Utah, the Safe UT app is also a wonderful resource. It's a 24/7 crisis chatline where you’re able to get free counseling from the University of Utah Medical Center. And I think especially for teens, the ones where they can text or chat online are helpful because they may not feel as comfortable calling somebody or walking into an office to ask for therapy appointment. But starting out with one of those chat lines, they may be able to share some of those things and then be connected to local resources that will be able to help. And then, of course, for any of you who are interested, you can sign up for a youth mental health first aid course. This is for anyone ages 18 and over to come and learn how to help the young people in their life. We'll spend a few hours together learning a little bit more details about what to look for and what you can do to help. You can sign up for that on the Family Place website. You'll also find a Resource tab where you can find more information about mental health.
Sara : Perfect. Thank you, Cassie. We will link all of those resources in the show notes for easy access. I feel like I have learned a lot in this episode. I feel like it's a great conversation starter, so I hope parents, you feel the same way and feel like you are better equipped to talk with your teens and have more open communication to help you know what to look for when it comes to signs and symptoms. If you have any more questions or you're concerned about what direction to go in, you can always email Jen and myself at Parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org. You can also go to Facebook and ask your questions on the Parents Place Facebook group, and you can find Jen, myself, and Cassie on Facebook. We have Facebook pages, so Jen Daly - the Family Place or Sarah Hendricks - the Family Place, or Cassie Alarcon - the Family Place. That is all that we have for you today. We hope you enjoyed this episode. We challenge you to have more open communication with your children. Maybe try the journal. Maybe try what Cassie suggested with going for a drive and just opening up those channels to carry more conversations with your kids. And we'll catch you next week on the Parents’ Place.
Thanks again for listening! The Family Place is a non-profit organization in Logan, Utah, with a mission to strengthen families and protect children. We call ourselves starfish throwers. If you're unsure what that means, refer back to our introduction episode where we explain it. The good news is you can be a starfish thrower too by subscribing to the Parents’ Place podcast and liking our social media pages. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others and help us get our message out to more people. Also, be sure to check the show notes for links to information referenced in this episode. That's all for now, but we'll catch you again next time on the Parents’ Place.
Resources: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK
NEW LINE: 988 Crisis Text Line: 741741 The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+): https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ Utah Residents - SafeUT App: https://healthcare.utah.edu/hmhi/safe-ut/ The Family Place: https://thefamilyplaceutah.org/services/education/mental-health-first-aid/
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