We continue our discussion on how we can support families and protect children in the LGBTQ+ community. Ana Chavarria is here from Encircle Utah. Jen Hilary and Ana discuss what love and support looks like, how to talk about, what resources Encircle provides, and more! Come and learn more about what people in the LGBTQ+ community need, and how we can support and love them.
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Jen: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast with Hillary and Jen.
Hilary: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast. We are excited to have you guys with us today. We have a special guest from our community. This is Ana and I've already forgotten Miss Ana. How do you say your last name again?
Ana: Chavarri.
Hilary: Thank you. I apologize for that. So, Ana Chavarri and she is from an agency, she is from Encircle. And I know that some of our listeners are probably familiar with your agency, but why don't we start by having you give us just a general description of who you guys are and what you do for our community as a whole. So go ahead.
Ana: Absolutely. Well, thank you. I'm very excited to be here and you know to share with all of you when the encircle is about what we do and what resources we have available to the Community. So yes, my name is Ana. I use she/her pronouns and I am the associate Vice president of programs at encircle and encircle is an LGBTQ+ Resource Center with the mission to enable LGBTQ+ youth, young adults, and their families to thrive. We offer programs to youth, young adults and their families. We have friendship circles that are led by encircled trade facilitator. There are not therapy groups, but a space for youth, young adults and parents to talk and find support in their respective journeys. We also have programs like writing, art, music nights that foster an environment of self-expression and most importantly, we offer affirming therapy. Who to those in the community who need access to it. So that's in circle in a nutshell.
Hilary: And Ana, remind us of where you guys are located at.
Ana: Absolutely, so we Encricle, started in 2016 with our Provo location and right now we have 3 operating locations, Provo, Salt Lake City and Saint George. And excuse me, I'm getting, I'm getting over a cold. And we are getting ready to open our Heber location and so hopefully you know during the summer we will be able to announce an opening date for Heber.
Hilary: Awesome. Oh, that's so exciting. I did not know that we had a Heber location that was in the works, so that's really exciting. So, for those individuals that might be listening and they may not have a site near them, do you guys offer any virtual resources?
Ana: We do and so that's something that I think we can thank COVID. You know, unfortunately, you know, we also have to close our doors during the pandemic. And so we resorted to online programming and once we were able to open our doors again for in person services, we realized that we had people from out of state who had been joining friendship circles and other support groups. And so, we continued with offering our online services and so you can go to our website encircletogether.org, you can filter by you know in person, services, online services and so we have friendship circles available for both youth, young adults and also, we have connect that is for parents and allies. Something cool is that now we have people not only joining from out of state, but we have some guests that from time to time join us from Canada. So, it's very, very exciting to know that Encircle resources are getting used across the nation and even internationally.
Hilary: Oh, that's so exciting, good for you guys. And for, you know, and for our nation as a whole to be able to have these resources that we can offer to both you and parents. So that's fantastic. Just a few more questions. I'm just still so intrigued and I want to know more. So, you mentioned these programs for youth. Do you have age range of who can participate in those programs?
Ana: Yes so, we target youth and young adults ages 12 to 25. And so that is the age group where people can come and hang out at our homes, which are safe spaces during we call it drop-in hours. So, we're open Monday through Friday, 3:00 PM to 8:00 PM and so anyone between the ages of 12 to 25 can come and make thinking out of the home, we do offer adult services, so any service labeled as 18 plus anyone over the age of 18 can join those serve. We just ask that, you know, usually adults, they just need one place to come and find community and then with work with school and other things that they're involved in, they just come ride in and out and then our youth and young adults. They do need a place where you know they can spend a couple hours and make friends and feel safe.
Hilary: Ok and I'm making the assumption that most of these resources are offered for free for the Community, or is there a fee associated?
Ana: Yeah, so that's a great question. That's something that crossed my mind. All our services are free of charge. So, there's no artistically needed, there's no fee associated with the participation in any of these services and that is thanks to our wonderful donors who donate wonderful funds to ensure that we are able to provide these resources for free.
Hilary: And that includes therapeutic resources as well too, is that right?
Ana: Yes, so we have what's called subsidized therapy. And so, we every year and this is a program that will be launched soon, but we understand the importance of making therapy accessible. And so, if a client is not does not have access to health insurance. We have we offer subsidized therapies. So, when did they meet with the therapist for the first time they will. You know, they will be assessed and we will see what's available for them in regards to funding and we will connect them to subsidized therapy if needed.
Hilary: Everything about this is amazing. I am so excited that we have these resources for our community and just to get to know you a little bit, why did you decide to focus on this field when it comes to when it comes to your work? What intrigued you to this, this particular agency?
Ana: So, I went to school at BYU, I got my bachelors in recreational therapy. Which is an experiential type of therapy where you use play and other hands-on interventions to treat mental health diagnosis. And so, once I graduated, I worked as a youth mentor at a residential treatment facility and then I went on to pursue my career as a recreational therapy at another RTC and so during those five years that I worked with youth, I came across a lot of. I came across many LGBTQ plus youth and so as I was looking to continue on my career, I came across encircle. I started as a home director and so when I read through the job description I was like this is the best of both worlds. I can continue to work with youth and also I get to work with LGBTQ plus youth who are so dear to my heart. I'm also part of the community, so knowing that I can contribute to mentoring them and making safe spaces for them and advocating for them, it's just lined up with you know my personal values, but also the work that I love to do and that's with youth.
Hilary: Oh, and we are so glad that we have an individual like you that is working with these youth and with these parents, because what a blessing it is to them. So exciting.
Ana: Thank you.
Hilary: For so, for our listeners out there, they know that at The Family Place we have a mission of strengthening families and protecting children and so you mentioned earlier that part of what you do is to help advocate and help create that safe space. And so let's focus in on that topic a little bit today. As a community, how can we do the best go about doing that? Creating this this safe space for our youth, particularly for those in the LGBTQ plus community.
Ana: Absolutely. And I love that question. Like I mentioned being a part of the LGBTQ plus community myself, I can say with certainty that all we look for is support and love. And not the conditional kind of love the one that says I love you, but we need unconditional love that stay I will love you as you are, every bit of you. I will stand with you. I will walk with you. I will honor every part of you. The best way to protect children and strengthen families is to support one another in our individual journeys of self-discovery and self-expression. We all want to feel supported and loved by our families and our friends. So, when we face rejection, we question ourselves. We silence our inner voices that so proudly scream like this is me, finally. And so, when we're rejected, we doubt a lot of things about ourselves. We change what felt innate about our personalities. About who we are to make others happy and sadly at times rejection does lead to questioning people's existence and so very real accounts share that many people who identify with the LGBTQ plus community. Have tried to change themselves, are feeling after feeling rejected and once they come to realize that it is something that they cannot change or simply choose to do differently, that is when they feel broken and at fault. So, protecting children and families entails acceptance and allowing access to resources that will enable that person to thrive, I would say also another way to make families, neighborhoods, communities, more affirming is by engaging in conversations and seeking to learn and challenge bias. I know a lot of us may be scared or uncomfortable with certain topics, and that's totally normal and something that I love about encircle is. That people can come in and they can walk in through the doors, and we welcome all questions. I mean, how else are we gonna learn? How else are we gonna challenge bias? If it's not asking those questions, that can help us understand more and can help disperse maybe any misunderstandings. Or, you know, false beliefs, I will say. And so, I do think that, you know, showing up for the community, participating in those hard conversations and most importantly just applying the aspect of curiosity and seeking to understand more does help make those spaces more safe, more firming and welcoming to people that are walking different journeys.
Jen: I think that's. It's so amazing. I remember when my stepdaughter let us know that she was part of the LGBTQ community and you know all of my life up to that point thought I don't know how I'll react. I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know any of that and luckily none of that was an issue when she came, it was just love and just so grateful for her to have trust in us to share that with us so that we can have conversations and we do. And you probably get sick of me asking questions, but she is she's like, ask me anything. I don't care. And I said OK, so we have lots of different talks of just about things that I don't know when she is more than happy to share them with me and I'm just grateful that I was in that position to be that loving person when she did let us know because it’s I love her for her and not her. Any other thing? It's her so.
Ana: I love that you mentioned the word love because that's so important. One of my favorite things about encircle is our motto. “No sides only love” because we know that love leads and heals and especially like I was mentioning and at encircle you do not need to fit a certain box, believe or not, believe in a certain faith, or even take a side and circle is a safe space for all those who want to learn and love. You don't need to leave any part of you behind in order to join our services or become part of the encircle family. I think that when we lead with love and with that curiosity, we're able to see people as who they are and all of a sudden we're not taking sides. We're just choosing to love that person.
Hilary: Yeah, you know what, Jen? I and Ana you mentioned. This as well too. I'll be transparent I still feel like I'm educating myself more so in this, in this community, but I think I feel how a lot of people have felt or continue to feel and that is that that where do I start? What do I say? What happens if I say something wrong? Or if I use the wrong pronoun, or if I make a mistake with a, you know a term or whatnot. And I think a lot of people have that have that anxiety and so they just choose not to talk. They choose to avoid those conversations, and from my experience I have found that those in the LGBTQ plus community are, like you said, so loving and so welcoming and so excited when somebody wants to learn more. I have never felt bad when I have started a conversation. They have always been and they've, you know, and I'm sure I have made my fair share of mistakes and you know what? I have never felt like they have reprimanded me for that by any means like that I just think that this is a community that is so open for dialogue, and I love that. I love that about them.
Ana: Yes, absolutely. And I think you know those anxieties and that those fears are normal. And I think that stems from like I just want to say the right thing. I don't wanna offend anyone. I don't wanna hurt someone. And you know, we all can tell our intentions behind words or actions, and so, you know, people can tell when someone is just being curious and wants to understand more. When someone's trying, when someone you know makes a human mistake. And so, I think that's also important that, you know, it's not about being perfect is about like showing that genuine interest and desire to do better, to learn more, and to see that person, that individual as who they are and affirming that.
Hilary: So, you mentioned creating, we've talked about this, this safe space and you know, Jen, you gave a fantastic example of creating that safe space in your home. Ana, how are we doing in our schools? Because I'm assuming that is a place where we still need to do some more work, but hopefully we've made some, some strides towards improvement. What does that look like for us.
Ana: Yeah, you know, I mean we read and we hear things in the news and social media, and so I think overall, can we do better? Absolutely. The fact is that rejection and in the way silencing affects someone's mental health well-being should be the indicator that we need to continue to expand these conversations. We need to continue to make our places and we're affirming something that encircle. Does is we offer culture humility trainings to make the workplace, schools any, any environment more affirming and something that we often share is how, you know a simple pin, a bracelet, a rainbow earrings, anything like that? People who are part of the LGBTQ+ to keep us community that that individual is safe is a small symbol like that sends a message of you're safe with me. I will see you as you are. I will advocate for you. And I I'm not going to question you at the opposite, I'm going to stand with you. And so I think, I know and I've come across a lot of teachers, a lot of educators who understand how important in life saving it is to be affirming. And, youth know, youth are so quick to pick up on those cues, whether they're very evident or it's just very subtle. Our youth know, and so even you know, as having a youth introduce themselves with their name and pronouns and using something other than the binary she or he and finding that an educator honors that is huge. And you know, I know there's been more limitations as to what teachers can display or what they can say, and I'm not here to say, you know, this is the way you should do it or you shouldn't. But I do know that there's very subtle ways to send that message to our youth and to the LGBTQ. This community that I'm safe and I love you and I stand with you.
Hilary: I'm just thinking so a few months ago we had one of our fellow colleagues, Devin, who talked about could talk a little bit about the LGBTQ plus community, and when an individual comes out and you know, she was talking about how as a community, we tend to think that that is a one time process. Everyone knows that I come out, so I don't have to worry about it anymore. But she talked about how that is something that that these youth continually have to do every time they have a new teacher every time they visit a new home of a friend that they don't know yet. Or a relative that they haven't seen for a while, that this is a process that they continue to go through and it's this constant reevaluation of is this person a safe person or not a safe person for me to come out to? And I remember her sharing that and thinking. I have never thought about it that way. I've never thought about the fact that this is something they will continue to do throughout their life and continue to evaluate whether I am that person, that they feel comfortable with. And Devin advocated on behalf of our office to put our pronouns in our e-mail signatures and I remember her providing that explanation of, you know, if you are emailing someone and they see that on your signature they know you are a safe person. You are one of those safe people that they can feel comfortable with and it was just such an eye-opening experience for me to be reminded of that. But like you said, it doesn't have to be something big. There are very simple small things that we can do that sends such a powerful message to these youth.
Ana: Yeah, absolutely. I think going along with that, you know, we're all on social media now. And so, I remember when I was closeted having friends that will just, you know, in the month of June, which is pride, they will just post like happy Pride all of a sudden it will take me by surprise because they'll be like, Oh my goodness. They see this community, I am safe with them and so you know something so simple. You know, it doesn't have to be all rainbows, but just even acknowledging like, wow, June is the month of pride. And I'm gonna acknowledge. That it's such a small thing and you know now on social media, there's so many things that we can post. But I know even like in profile pictures, sometimes you can have those temporary filters with the rainbows, anything like that. I know like your close family and friends will see that. But you know, nowadays all these friends suggestions pop up that I see it all the time. Like oh, I didn't think this person was an ally or was this part of the community. And so I think putting a light to that as well as you know. I'm having those subtle symbols or that, that subtle affirmation of this community, it goes a long, long way.
Hilary: So, you mentioned June and. You know we're a little bit before that, but I'm assuming this podcast will be aired around that time. So, tell us for an individual that is a listener who's thing. OK, I need to learn more. I want to learn more. I want to be that advocate. Where are some of the best places? What are some of the resources that an individual can go to learn more about this community?
Ana: Absolutely yes so June is pride month and I'm grateful that as a state, as a nation now it's something that can be fully celebrated and that is gaining more momentum and more of a spotlight because I think it's so important. I was able to actually go to my first Pride parade last year, you know, as a 30-year-old having all these new experiences and I'm grateful for them. But I was able to go there with our encircle youth and walking down those roads and seeing those people cheer and be there. I mean, I can't imagine what it feels like for a young person who's starting to figure out what their place in the world is, but to see all those people show up and be so firming. It was, I mean, my heart felt so loved and taken care of that oh I can be safe in my state, in my city and I am seen, and I have all these people standing next to me. Understanding and advocating for me, and so I will say, if you feel comfortable, I know, I know there's things that you know we need to we need a longer exposure to but if you feel comfortable find you know attend a pride celebration in the state of Utah. Many large cities have their own local pride celebrations, and so you can, you know, just Google Ogden Pride Prove Pride. Obviously, we have the Pride Center in Salt Lake City and that one is, you know, the umbrella one for you know the rest of the smaller prides, so that would be the first thing I'll say, you know, try to go to a pride celebration. Obviously, the city ones are smaller so if you wanna start there, I think that's wonderful. And then also in regards to other resources encircle we'll be having our obviously our own Pride celebrations and so you can go to our website and check those out and then there is other local grassroot organizations who will be also celebrating pride. And so, I would say you can just Google Pride celebrations local to me. Usually, you know now in social media the algorithms, if you start maybe falling encircle, other things will show up that might pique your interest. And then also a great resource that we have nationwide is the Trevor Project. They are the leading or nonprofit organization who does extensive research on LGBTQ plus youth and so they're the ones that release research and data on queer youth, and I do think it's also pride is also a great time to learn more, to be more informed and to see what else can be done to support the community.
Hilary: I think it's so powerful that your suggestion in embracing this community is to jump in and be a part. I think that I mean what better way to get to know this community than to attend an event? I think so often we're like, I'll just, I'll just Google it. I'll just do some research online, but I love the fact that you're saying. Get involved, right? There's no better way than interacting with these wonderful individuals. So, such a great suggestion.
Jen: One thing that I found helpful with my stepdaughter was just asking her, what do you need from me? What do you need? What would that look like that support look like from me? And she said I need to know that you love me. And that you will help me or whatever the case may be. And she said and then if I do decide to marry a woman, I want you and dad, to be there. Will you come to that? And it's not even a question. Absolutely we'll go and love you and see you married. And so it that was really helpful for me of just knowing what she needed for me to feel supported, to be seen and heard. And so sometimes we just ask, what do you need from me?
Ana: Yeah, and I will add to that. I love that you mentioned the future because that is something that is scary for a lot of people in the LGBTQ plus community is like, am I gonna be able to marry the person I wanna marry. Am I gonna able to have a family that I also dream of having? And so I think also engaging in those conversations about the future like you know, what do you what are you dreaming of? Like how can I help you achieve those dreams? Because not only would I say in, like in a love kind of way, but also you know, am I gonna be affirmed in my workspace? Am I gonna be able to pursue this career or you know this dream job that I have because I am. I am part of the LGBTQ plus community, so I think you know part of affirming a young person, or anyone in the LGBTQ plus community is also talking about their future plans and how you can be a part of that, because sometimes the question does arise, you know, when you know, I find my person and I decide to, you know be with them. Is it going to be just me and that person together celebrating the love, or am I going to be able to share that with, you know, my family, my friends and the same thing you know, with other life achievements. Am I gonna be celebrating that on my own or am I, are the people that I always dreamed of having there with me? Are they gonna be standing with me as well? Yeah.
Hilary: Jen, you've given us a fantastic example of how a parent should respond and how a parent continues to respond. But Ana, is there any other advice for those parents that are listening out there that maybe have a child who is in the LGBTQ plus community or someone that that may at some point be? Do you have any advice for those parents on how to best maneuver that situation? What to say? How to encourage to support? What would your suggestion be?
Ana: Yeah, absolutely I was saying two things. The first one is just lead with love. I know that in the moment when your child drops a bomb on you, I know some parents, you know, maybe they suspected. I'm like, I think maybe and but even then, you know, when there's that. Like I think you know when parents pick on those details it still feels like a bomb is being dropped to this parent, and so I would say just leave with love. I know there's fear that will come up, but there's a lot of questions. You definitely step into the unknown. I mean, if this is. Your only child or your first child coming out, you are really stepping into new territory and so I acknowledge that it will come with fear and anxiety and a lot of unknowns and that's normal. When you lead with love, your child will feel that from the very beginning, and that is what links you to your child. For the rest of your lives, they will always remember what you know their parents said what their face look like, and those initial reactions. And I'm not saying this to make sure that you respond in a perfect way, but it's more of like leading with love, seeing and saying. I love you. I don't know what this entails for us. But I love you. And I'm gonna be here, and we're gonna figure this out together and most importantly, acknowledging that it's something. That they put a lot of time and effort into figuring out how to bring it up and it's a huge, huge chance that they're taking because they don't know how the other person's gonna respond. And so even saying like, thank you so much for trusting me with something so important. And so and from there you know that's when we apply our curiosity of tell me what this means. Tell me, like, help me learn and I know you know when we step into new territory, there's a lot of things that will come up, but we might feel overwhelmed and that's OK and that's when I suggest the second thing, I suggest is finding your community. There's so many parents out there who have started the journey, you know, a long time ago. And so you can go to those parents, you know, find a community and go to those parents, and they will tell you, oh, that's exactly what I thought. That is exactly how I felt. This is exactly what I said, too. And so finding that community and knowing that there's people who understand you, who are not gonna judge you for responding in a way that they also did, and to let you know like, you know, I was there a year ago. And now this is the best thing that happened to my child and I or to our family. You know, knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and that a lot of families are able to do it and to, you know pull into this experience to draw them closer together, and to be more loving and more supportive of each other. You can, you know, see everyone's different experiences and understand that you know this is hard and scary but I know I can do this and you have, you know, the tools and the support from other wonderful people.
Hilary: That's fantastic advice. Thank you so much. I'm assuming working at and Encircle and working with these fantastic youth. You see a lot of heartache, but I think you probably see a lot of success as well too as we are nearing our time ending. Would you mind sharing some of that that that, that. Beauty, that success that you see day-to-day with these individuals.
Ana: Absolutely. I will be honored I something my favorite thing about working at Encircle is witnessing the change of heart the unconditional love that is part of every human being in this world. And I am very humbled and I feel very lucky to be a part of some of these people's journeys because it's. It makes my heart so happy to share a little bit of their journey with them. And so, one story that comes to mind as I was working at the Provo Encircle home as their home director. One day I will say first of all, I feel like there's so many beautiful miracles that happen at the encircle homes every time, and so one day, for some reason I decided to go into work early, which it just, it just felt odd, but I decided to go to then encircle home earlier. And as I got there I see this this person come to the door and knock. And it was a dad. And so he said, I know you're closed. I just really need to talk to someone. And so I let this person in and I said, you know, do you want me to take you around the home? Do you wanna see it? And so as I gave this parent a tour of the home. We finished our friendship circle room that it has the portraits of a lot of our youth there and they're smiling and they're happy. And when he entered our room, he immediately, you know, started to cry. And he said my child came out to me six months ago. And I rejected my child. I was so scared about what this meant, and I didn't know what to do. And I rejected her. And now he said, you know, I I've been looking for resources I came across encircle and just learning about what you do here, I want to know what I can do for my child. Because I know that that first initial reaction. Wasn't what they needed from me. And so we talked about the available resources at encircle, but something that I was able to share is how I've had so many parents with similar experiences when maybe they're initial reaction is not the most perfect one. When they react with fear because. It's, you know, sometimes it just entails many other things we can't ignore the fact that, you know, there's bullying out there, but there is homophobia existing. And I know that's part of their parents thought process as their child comes out to them is like, how am I gonna protect you? From all this, that is very real. And so talking with that dad and saying, you know, there's people out there who haven't have the best reactions and the best responses but knowing that there's always time for change, there's always time for mending that. We had great conversations. And he asked about gender identity, gender expression, pronouns and so. We had a beautiful conversation and at the end of the day, he said. Do you have a pride flag that I can take to my child? And so I gave him a pride flag. We also had T-shirts to set no sides and we loved. So we got T-shirts for everyone in his family and he left and it really I was very moved by that experience. But what came after that, I think was even more beautiful because this parent brought his child to encircle. He wanted his child to have access to resources, to find a community, to feel safe in an environment, and so to see that child come through with their father and to learn about services and to get a smile on their face saying like, wow, I am so excited to be here and I can't believe there's other people like me. Was such a memorable experience and also to see that parent attend parent programs and share his story with other parents and help other parents saying I had a similar reaction. Like don't be hurting yourself. This is what I've done. This is where my family and I are now is so beautiful to see how. You know, it comes full circle where we come go through different experiences and you know we learn sometimes we have a change of heart and not only does that. Affect, you know their family and beautiful ways, but they're able to also help other parents and other families who are in similar situations. And so to see this father now, you know, come to the circle with his child to volunteer to show up with his family for community or family events. Is so humbling to know that that's the power of community. That's. The power of accessing resources and that it's never too late. There's is never, you know we are always able to change and to mend and to repair.
Jen: I love that mend repair and what was the other one you said?
Ana : And it's a change.
Jen: Change, mend and repair. I love those three. Just three words cause. And there's hope in those words as well. And so thank you for sharing that. I want to thank you for coming today, Ana. And I hope that. Our listeners can take these little pieces of gold in their lives and make some changes and maybe some right repair some things and mend some relationships. I just really appreciate it and I love that you're here this week and I want our listeners to remember to be kind and patient with yourself when you're learning new things and we thank you for coming and we'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to the Parents Place podcast.
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