We have a guest with us today sharing a story of resilience. Our guest Matthew was adopted as a newborn and grew up without much knowledge on his birth family. With a desire to know more about where he came from, Matt reached out and connected with his birth family. Join Jen and co host Nicole as they ask him questions on his story of seeking answers, loving his birth family, and finding acceptance in the unknown.
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Trigger Warning
Hey listeners, this episode contains discussions on sensitive topics that may be difficult to hear and may not be suitable for young ears. Check our show notes for more specific details of what is covered in this episode. Take care of yourself.
Jen: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast with Hilary and Jen.
Nicole: Welcome to the Parents Place podcast! We've got Jen as our host and then Nicole as a co-host today. And we're here with Matt Kennison. And he's going to tell us his story of resilience on adoption and yeah. We're excited that you're here today with us, Matt.
Matthew: Yeah, happy to be here.
Nicole: Well, Matt, do you want to? Tell us a little bit. About your story, give us a little overview.
Matthew: Yeah. So, I was adopted when I was 2 weeks old in Colorado, and one of the lucky ones to be adopted quickly. And I was a closed adoption. So, I didn't know my parents didn't know anything about them. I think the only thing I knew growing up was that they were young and that was one of the reasons I was put up for adoption was they did not feel that they were in a good place to raise me. And so, they put me up for adoption in hopes that someone in a better situation would take me. Fast forward many years, probably when I was about 21, I really started searching for them. I was told when I turned 18 that I would be sent information that would allow me to find them and was never sent, that I was adopted through the LDS adoption agency, which closed about 2010ish. And so, I wasn't able to find anyone that worked there to find my family. And my adopted family, they're fantastic. I've got one sister who's their biological daughter. And then my dad had testicular cancer and wasn't able to have any kids. And so, he survived that and was able to raise his family. But his dreams of having a big family were gone. He did want a son, so they adopted me. I carried on the family name etc, but I still wanted to know where I was from. And I had tried every possible thing I could think of and it never panned out. And then in 2016, Denver changed their laws, or Colorado in general, that I could apply for my original birth certificate. And I sat on that for a good six months because I was so nervous that it was going to be another dead end. And eventually it was like $45.00 like it wasn't a huge cost or anything. It was just I was nervous. So, I got my certificate. I had since I've married, I had a kid and my wife was just like, hey, if this is a dead end, it's a dead end. Like, we'll figure something out. Don't worry. Like, don't lose hope. And I pulled out the birth certificate and I still remember it said my parents name Michael Wallace, born. August 31st, 1972 and my mom Jennifer Anne Aspinall, born March 1st, 1972, and so that was all the information, names, birth dates. I was excited. This is going to be awesome. I hopped on social media and just started searching for everyone with name my birth mom had married, so her name had changed, but I found her and messaged her and then waited. For like a week and I remember I was at Chili's in Orem, UT with my parents, my adopted family. I always call Mom and dad, but I was there at the restaurant with them just whenever we'd go out to eat, we would just call them. Hey, you guys want to come with us and we would just go out to eat. And right as I was sitting in that booth, I got a message on Facebook Messenger from my birth mom saying yes, I am that person. I had a baby boy and I had asked her. I said, I need to know your birthday so that I know that you're the right person. And she told me her birthday, March 1st, 1972. I was like that. That's.
Nicole: Ohh my gosh.
Matthew: My mom and it blew my mind that I found her and my mom. My adopted mom was in tears just sitting there and their approach to this cause I was really nervous about it. But their approach to this was I had grown up and become at least a decent human being in my eyes. They wanted my family to know that they because I had the question of who are my parents, and I had the joy of a childhood of being like they can be whoever I want them to be. Like my dad invented Nutella. I think I told someone and he was too busy with that business that I just made stuff up because I had no idea. And actually, knowing was a great thing, but also still left this like now I know and it is what it is. I take that as a grain of salt. It did take several weeks to find my father and it was because he had passed away several years before. I did find his brother and I had that wonderful conversation of calling my uncle, out of the blue of hey, I am your brother's son. Long lost brother's son. And I remember he was like fixing his water heater or something like he was like in the process of doing something at his house. And he was like. Can I call you back because my father took his own life and so he now has to have this conversation with me. Of your dad's not here anymore. And so, I just told him. I said Uncle Chris, I know what happened. I know the gist of it. I would just love to connect with you whenever you're available. No rush. I know this is a lot, but thank you for at least answering the phone call.
Jen: Yeah, but he was aware that you were out there.
Matthew: That's still question. Able because my dad was very private about it, I don't know the full reason. I understand. I mean to kind of continue the story to the point to where I found out more is I drove out there in January with my wife and my kid and. I battled the snowstorms through January, going through those canyons, but we're able to meet them. And my mom had remarried, had a daughter, and she was actually in the hospital having her baby when I met my birth mom. So, it was like this crazy my mom, my birth mom, told me she's like, we need to stop meeting in hospitals because the last time she had seen me was in a hospital. And then I met her there. But I was also able to meet my uncle and he was kind enough to meet us at a restaurant and chat. With us, I then went out again and he invited my dad's friends. And we sat in their backyard and they just told me stories about him for several, and I cannot thank him enough for how kind that was and how hard it must have been for them because some of his friends did not know that I was even alive. They didn't know that he had a son and their friend who took his own life. They now have this piece of him. And so, I had people coming up and hugging me and embracing me because look a lot like my dad. Granted, I have facial hair and I had hair like past my shoulders, but it was they could see in my resemblance his resemblance in me and they were hugging me and just in tears with it. And it was just one of those. I don't know who you are, but I'm I'd love to get to know why my dad means so much to you. And so. Yeah, that's kind of the story. But there is that question of who knew I existed and who didn't? And for a lot of the people in his life, they didn't. He was 19 years old. My mom was 17 years old when I was born and almost 17. But it was he was working at a diner as a dishwasher, and she was working at Taco Bell, which I've eaten at Taco Bell once in my life, which was like.
Nicole: Only once.
Matthew: It was like just once, and I think it was because.
Nicole: Ohh my gosh.
Matthew: My mom worked there when she was pregnant with me as a teenager and probably just ate all the time, but I don't know. I just it's never sounded good to me, but.
Nicole: Oh, I'm sure. Ohh man Matt, I'll take you sometime.
Matthew: No, it's all good I've. Been there once. I think it was like four or five years ago I went and I was like this. Why? Like there's better food. There's better food out there.
Nicole: Yes, is better food. I digress, but I will digress. There is always a place for Taco Bell, there is a place.
Matthew: Good to know. Good to know. I missed that part of my college experience of.
Nicole: I have so many questions, Matt.
Matthew: But OK, bring them on.
Nicole: OK, so my first question is. When you decided to start searching, how did you talk to your adoptive parents about that? What was their thought process on that like, how did you all cope through that.
Matthew: So yeah, with that I also get the question of like when did I know? And they've always been very open about it. It's never been a secret. And so I knew that they were open to talking about it. I'm a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I served a mission for them. And when I was getting ready for my mission and preparing. I remember having a lot of questions about my birth family and hey, who are they? What do you know? And both my parents sent me a long letter of here's everything we know and it was just more that my mom was a very happy teenager. She was a good person, easy to get along with and so she was wanting the best life for me, and but there wasn't a lot of information. I did get some non identifying information, but any time I reached out to them, they were willing to help direct me, but they didn't have any information. And so, I didn't feel bad or hesitant to reach out to them. They've been open with it. They've been wanting to help. They just expressed we don't know where to go. You can try these places. I did get when I was about 22, some non identifying information about my mom. Which I gave to my mom when I met her and she was like. That's not right. That's not right. That's not right, but cause it was like my mom enjoyed recycling back in like 1990. It was like she was like I didn't care about that when I was a teenager, but I do now. Like, OK. But I said like she was a cat person. She had brown hair. And my dad was 6/4 and just different things like that, but it wasn't extremely accurate. So, but my parents were both very helpful. Just kind of felt bad that they didn't have more information.
Nicole: Right. So, you said that, sorry, Jen, you said that when you got that message. When you were all out to eat, I don't remember what you said, but you got the message and your mom started crying. What was that like? Like, why did she, ever expound on that?
Matthew: So, and I don't know the movie, but there was a movie about an Indian boy that was adopted and I don't she had recently seen it and the word she used was we want your family to see how beautiful you are. And I looked at her and said that's a very odd term to use for a boy. But I understand what she meant is. Like for them, when they looked at adoption, a lot of my family that I was adopted into kind of said you never know what you're gonna get. Who knows what his parents are like. Who knows what he's gonna be like? He could have these like, crazy bad tendencies. Who knows? And even growing up, they're very intelligent people. I'm very what I say street smart like I'm an extrovert. I love to talk to people. They're very intellectual. So, there was a difference in personalities. Who knows what they're gonna get. And I think growing up trying to be the best version of myself, I can be getting married. My wife's an incredible person and my parents adore her, which says a lot for a lot of the girls I dated. They're incredible people, but they just weren't right for me and they didn't. It didn't work. And so, when my parents met her and they saw me and I had a son. It was just like you. You've created this wonderful life for yourself. We want them to see that. And the best way that she could explain it was just like you've become this person that we're proud of. We want them to be proud of you as well.
Jen: What do you think there would be? I'm just thinking. There's got to be a part of her that wanted to say. I took care of your son. And we did the best that we could do. And yes, now look at what a great human being your son has become. And so I do think that there was probably some of that. Of I just want you to know, rest assured that we did the very best that we could. For him, because I'm sure lots of adoptions go in and it may not be the best situation that that baby was put into, but. I mean, that's what I would want, yeah.
Matthew: Well, I 100% agree and I think it meant a lot to me because my mom and I have never had a great relationship. It was very rocky and she helped me with math homework. I mean, starting with that, it wasn't going to be great with that foundation. Yeah. I mean, it was. And her it was this is how it makes sense to me. But that wouldn't it wouldn't click that way in my brain and I love math like I use it all the time. I tell my kids how useful it is, but I had to learn it in such a different way that didn't make sense to her, that it was just. Like there are things like writing. For example, I write how I speak and that always bothered my mom. But my dad was a little more understanding of that. Like he's just a little unique and that's so it was we kind of had that rocky relationship growing up. I remember my dad sitting me down and saying. You know what? You are adopted. You're gonna have different likes and dislikes, but I bet if you're willing to work on it, we can find some common similarities. And he's like, I will put in the work, if you will and so we just did activities for a while and hiking and photography are the two things that we both latched onto. And we do to this day we go on hikes. Timpanogos we've hiked many, many times together, and it's just something we enjoy doing together. My mom and I didn't really have that common thing to latch on to. I think marrying my wife and her being how she is my mom and her get along very great. So it's helped our relationship. A lot, but hearing from my mom. That I've turned out to be a good or at least I'm trying to be. Meant a lot to me at that point because it was like I know that. I know what we've gone through. I know I've thrown a math book across the room and screamed and yelled and gone to my room when I was a kid cause I had it and I can't imagine what she went through in those moments of what kind of person is this guy going to be? And turning out to be OK, I think was just a relief for her.
Nicole: I think that can be said about like having biological kids like, you know, I was just told the other day you're not the boss of me and I'm like I think I am, but I think. But it sounds like. It sounds like your parents had really good strategies, like you talking about, like finding similarities. We're not gonna have everything in common with the people that. You know, share our blood even. But like taking that time and, you know, going through all these activities that we can do and like what, what do we agree on? What do we both like that's something that can be said for like all of parenting and great everyone really like we've got. More in common than we do. Not so, you know. I think it sounds like you got some pretty awesome parents.
Matthew: Ohh my, they're incredible. I can't speak to that enough and. And like I have three kids now. And like what you said completely resonates with me because growing up, every difference I had. I accredited being adopted. It's like you don't. You don't like this music cause I'm adopted. You don't like this foods cause I'm adopted. But now my kids are raised off of chicken Nuggets and Mac and cheese and it's like their music. Their music tastes a little different. And like those, those similarities exist. But the differences aren't because of blood. It's just because of personalities and that's OK, or even genders like how people are, but yeah.
Jen: Yeah. Interesting. I just thought the movie it's kite runner.
Matthew: Kite runner, OK. All right, good to know.
Jen: It's a good movie.
Matthew: I haven't seen that one. I saw August rush. But that one was hard to get through because he meets his parents and I hadn't yet, and I was like. I can't, I can't watch this like because I want that in my life and yeah.
Nicole: Too close. So, I'm wondering, what if any relationship exists between you and your birth mom or any family?
Matthew: So, my birth mom. Yes, I mean, we chat. I think the only real interaction we have is we send each other sunset pictures. And son, I go running in the morning. So, I'll send her sunrise pictures sometimes. Living in a valley, mountains on both sides. I get some nice one of those but. Not a lot of that. There's, I wish there was more. I've expressed that to my uncle as well. In what would I do if I were to meet a child that I gave up for adoption? I would want to get to know them a lot and I don't know the reasoning. I don't know if it's some kind of I've moved on and you know she has a husband now. She's gotten remarried again. But I don't know what the situation is. I have 1/2 brother. Through my mom and I have a 1/2 sister. And I've never met my brother, but my sister I met. I went out when she got married in Colorado and met her husband. He's a great guy. They had a son. They've been out here. We went to a concert together. But not a lot of interaction. It's kind of like she's my sister. But we don't have any of that childhood those childhood memories together. With my uncle, they've I remember his wife actually said. Why would I ever want to go to Utah? Like because it's gorgeous, like the outdoors. Do you guys have a camper trailer. There's canyons right next to like it's a gorgeous area, but I've been out to Denver a couple of times and chatted with them. My cousin out there, Melanie has been a really good friend. She's been out here multiple times. She was just younger in her 20s, but has gotten to know my kids has gotten to know my wife has stayed at her house several times. She's been really the only person in my biological family that's put the effort in and I've. I can't thank her enough for that. But she has memories of my dad as well of Uncle Mike for her and things that he would do. And she would tell me stories about him and stuff. And it was. It's been really nice to have that connection with her. But I haven't had any really relationship with my family. And I've expressed that to them. And if you're willing, I would love to get to know you guys more, but I understand if you kind of don't feel the need. But it is a part of me I wish I could have more of cause I would love to get to know him more. And talk to him. But I can't imagine how uncomfortable that is for you're missing someone in your life and here someone is that reminds you so much of them. But at the same time doesn't, and it's just but my uncles reached out and said how much he loves being called Uncle Chris because. My dad didn't have any other kids, so he would just never called that by anyone in his family. And so anytime I talk to him, I say hey Uncle Chris, how you doing? But.
Jen: I'm just trying to think like put myself in her shoes of why I wouldn't want it, because she and I number one we share first name and middle name together and I was born in 72, so trying to think it's 17 years old.
Matthew: Yeah you could’ve been best friends, yeah.
Jen: 17 years old thinking, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, but I don't know if I could. I know my personality. Now, I would want to know. So but being in. I mean, she's had a whole life of. And there may have been guilt in there. So yeah.
Matthew: Yeah, there's and there's a lot to her story. The little I know is it was not easy. I mean, she grew up for what I understand, mostly without a dad. And her and her sister. I actually reached out to her sister. A, week. Before and she never replied, saying yeah, that might be my sister. I just. And so, it was kind of a weird why didn't your sister tell you that your son reached out like that was kind of a weird dynamic for me to understand. But. And she kind of was like, seriously, like, why wouldn't you tell me that my son reached out, but. She had a unique experience of when I was given up for adoption. She had another son two years later with another man. She was actually dating another man when she found out she was pregnant with Mikes son. So that was a fun situation for her, but. I mean, Long story short, essentially. The other man that she was dating when she found out she was pregnant again. His family got very involved in being like you're going to give away this boy because she's done it before. And so, they used that in the courts as like a. Something to get custody of my brother. And so they were given custody over my mom because of me being given up for adoption prior and so I mean, it's a weird scenario and I don't know. I don't know the other side of the story. I've only heard her side of the story and two years later from when I was born, she's now in this situation and then loses that boy. I don't know what that does to a person especially, you know, 19-20 years old at that time that would be. It's very difficult and then when she had my sister. She was married, living in Germany cause her husband at the time was in military and she raised that daughter and she raised her very closely and spent a lot of time with her. I think as a she wasn't able to spend time with me or my brother. So, I don't know. I could speculate all day, but I honestly don't.
Matthew: Yeah, that sounds like she had a lot of trauma and we know trauma can stunt a lot of emotional growth, so. Yeah, yeah. You know, that's my speculation is, you know, 17. Wow. I know I wasn't in a great place at 17 so.
Jen: Does she have a a relationship with your brother?
Matthew: So interestingly enough. Before I reached out to them, like maybe a year before, it was pretty recent. He had connected with her and according to them he had been told all these stories about how horrible my mom was. She was a terrible person. Don't get to know her. He reached out and got to know her and was like no, she's a good person. Like she's got her life together. She had been married for a while to Richard. He was a great guy and. They had a home in Colorado. They had made it a beautiful home. They had spent some time together, developed some hobbies, and so my brother Jeffrey was kind of like taken aback by I've been told my whole life that my mom's a terrible person, but she's kind of got her life put together. Whereas me growing up, I was told that my parents loved me and wanted a better life for me. And so just that different mentality that I have towards my birth family and was completely different. But my sister Kayla actually went to live with him in Ohio for a while and while she was out there, she got mixed in some bad stuff. And my mom had to go get her. And so then soon after that I reach out. And I remember her husband at the time was like round two. Here we go. We're going to meet a crazy one of your sons or something. And my dad's family kind of had the same thing of like, let's meet what kind of worthless piece of junk Mikes son turned out to be. Because, I mean, it was just like a hard life that he lived, he came from a from a rough situation and this is from his brother of kind of things that they dealt with and. I think when they met me, they were surprised. I mean, I'm not an incredible person. I try to have my life together as much as I can. I try to do good things. I try to do the best at the time. When I went out there, they were like, OK, what do you do for work? Like I'm currently going to school, I'm working a full time job and I have a family with two kids at the time they were. Wait, so you don't have like any problems or, like, alcoholism? I'm like, I've never drank in my life, I've never touched alcohol, just haven't wanted to. It's just one of those things. And they were like. OK, they couldn't find a flaw with me that they were proud of to make themselves feel better. And so, it kind of felt awkward talking to some of my dad's family extended family, and then my mom's husband. He was like. Well, OK, Matthew's kind of put together we'll. Just let it go, but I don't know. So, it was hard for her to develop a relationship with me because of that recent experience with Jeffrey.
Nicole: Yeah, that makes sense.
Jen: So, during this whole process, you have had to have a flood of emotions. And so how did you deal with that up and down and? How did you stay, for lack of a better word, saying I think for me I would be going. I can't handle being rejected all of these times or a dead end or whatever. And now I found them. And then there's those emotions that come with it.
Matthew: The easiest answer would be my faith in general. I believe in our Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ. I also believe in an afterlife. I know that my dad hates the word dude, and I know after this life I'm gonna go up to him and say what's up, dude? Like, Dad is just my goal. That is going to happen and I believed, I believe, for a good portion of my life that there's an afterlife. I do know that there's a greater purpose for us here that we're not just here to, to live and die just do whatever we want, that there's an overall plan in why we're here. And when I found out that my dad had taken his own life, it was. I was on the phone with my birth mom and I sent her a picture and I said, is this him? And it was his obituary, like just this thing written out. And she was like, yeah, that's him. And for me, finding out that he was gone, he was someone I never knew. And yeah, that's hard. But like I said, my adopted family, my dad, I'm batting 1000, he's an incredible person, David Kennison, like kudos to you. He's and so I didn't have this gap in my life. Yes, I want to get to know him. Yes, it was still very hard because he is my birth dad. I look a lot like him just having that desire to get to know who he was as a person and similarities there, but. I really sat there like, you know, what do I in fact believe in life after death? Because if I do I can get through this. I know I'm going to be. OK and my wife lost her mom when she was nine years old. And so, I was able to talk to her about just loss in general. And I was like, you know what, no I do know that there's life after this. And so that helped me cope with it. And I have family members, some of my on Mikes family, they don't believe in that and they still. Every time I go out there we have a cry fest for an hour of them just missing Mike and I'm like I will see him again. I will. I'm going to say what's up, dude. And I know that if there's any chance he can look at what's going on in life right now, he regrets it. And so, I don't have to be mad at him for what he did because I know that he regrets it. And whatever reason he did for taking his life like that's between him and his God, like he can deal with that and it's not my room to judge him. But I can still love who he was when he was here and who he is now and get to know his family and try to get to know them so. That's been the basis of kind of how I've gotten through it, but my wife has been a very. Big impactful person on that as well, and helping me deal with it and cope with it cause I was very emotional when one I got to know my mom for a bit and then she kind of didn't chat at all. I got to know my sister and then that kind of fell. I wanted to have a closer relationship. I'm a person that does not cut ties like you guys know our mutual friend MarLyn. I've known her since high school and we've never. We still chat. I don't say bye to people in my life easily and I wanted to get to know them and it just wasn't mutual. So, it's you know what the day will come if they ever want to I'm here. I'm going to keep that connection open and still message them every once in a while. Hey, happy birthday. Hope you're doing well. Love you guys. Send them a picture of family updates, things like that. Yeah, but yeah.
Jen: That's a great outlook to have. Yeah, great outlook.
Matthew: I hope so. I try.
Jen: I think what we've learned is over, it's been over a year now that we do these stories of resilience. And there's just that common thread that goes through all of them of either faith. Not war. It's faith and a good support system that helps that person, you know, get through those hard times and come out on the other end and be really resilient. So, I just love that that, that there's that common thread that support is. So, so important for us here and going through life, yeah.
Nicole: Gotta have it.
Jen: Great. What's the greatest thing you've learned from all of this?
Matthew: And the question. That's a good question. I mean, the greatest thing I've always tried to keep in mind is not to judge people. Be slow to judge and quick to love. And I mean. I think forgiving my dad, I think was a big one for me. And I knew that if he knew I was trying to find him, he wouldn't have made that decision. At least I really hope. Because in my timeline, actually he took his own life three months before I got married. And so it's just kind of that if I had met him and been like, hey, come to my come to my wedding come, you know, like see this take part in this. Pinnacle, you know, Pivotal point in my life like I know that he would have been there just knowing the type of person he is. He would have hopped in a car and driven all the way from Colorado the night before if he had that opportunity. But doing that and then just also forgiving people for not wanting what I want, like if they if I want a relationship to fill some gap in my life, that's not their job. That's not who they're there for. They can be there to love in whatever capacity they need to, My mom has since remarried and I think that's kind of made her feel a little more distant of, I don't know who her husband now. She's plan to come out here and kind of meet the family she hasn't met one of our kids, she met my middle child when she was like 6 months old and now she's 6 years old, but she hasn't met our youngest, who's 2 1/2. So, it's just kind of forgiving. Like I will love you for who you are. If you have shortcomings, in my opinion, that's, but that's between me and myself. I don't I don't need to talk to you about that. I don't need to express that I will mention like, hey, we'd love to see you, but I could also hop in a car and drive to Oregon and see her. I get that.
Nicole: It just, it sounds like you're just kind of meeting them where they are like. Yeah. Leaving that door open because you know you're just. You're hopping into their life. And we don't always know. You know, we never know what people's lives look like. You know, we think we know, but. So, sounds like you're doing a good job at meeting them where they are.
Matthew: 'm trying to. Yeah. And just keeping that invitation open of getting to know them. I'm very I'm an influential person. Meaning I'm influenced by those around me if I'm around my birth family, I tend to act more like them, which I try to stick to my core beliefs, like when I was out there, my uncle, all he wanted to do was share a beer with me and I said tell you what, I will drink this cup of water and you can pretend what you want, but I'm not going to drink any alcohol. I'm sorry, but that's a core belief I have that I'm not going to do because I know I would love alcohol and I know it would be such a slippery slope for me. It's just it's not good. So, but I will share this moment with you. I will spend time with you and I will love you, but I still need to stick to who I am. And I think my wife kind of struggles when I'm around them. We're chatting, we're laughing, we're loud. I have a very dark sense of humor, which my sister also has so when we were when we met each other, she was out here, we were chatting. She was joking that she was. Like my mom kept her and I was like, well, just because I wasn't planned. She was trying to like better the recipe. Like, we were just having these, like, horrible comments to each other, but laughing and enjoying it because we have such a sick, twisted sense of humor. And I remember my wife was sitting there, just like I don't. I don't know how to deal with this.Speaker 4
Nicole: It's like 2 Matts.
Matthew: Like, how so horrible exactly. It's this is. This is bad and I was like, you know what, I guarantee you when our three kids grow up, one of them is going to share my sense of humor. And it's going to be a problem, but it's just. Yeah, I think I would love to have a more of a relationship with them, but I think for my health too, I do need to remember, like who I've decided to be as a person and stick to the beliefs that I have and not be influenced just because I want to be loved by them.
Nicole: Did you, I'm sure you went into wanting to meet your biological family with questions. You know, things that you wanted to maybe observe or find out about the family. Did you get those answered?
Matthew: Yes. My biggest question was if my mom's dad was bald because I've heard that genetic thing.
Nicole: You do have a nice head of hair, so.
Matthew: Yeah, well. I just cut my hair. I had about 16 inches longer on it about a month ago, so I had a good chunk of locks, but she told me he kept his hair, so I'm hoping, but my wife said my hair's thinning. I'm like, I'll take what I can get, but yeah, it is what it is. But the questions that I've had.
Nicole: Oh no.
Matthew: And it's been really fun for the last cause I met them six years ago is when I met my birth family. I was 27, I'm 33 now. Nature versus nurture has been such a fascinating thing for me to just look at, especially because I have kids, so I can see some of that nature, and then I can look at my parents and me for the like that nurturing side but then look at my birth family of the natural side. And it's been interesting to see, like, personally. These and actually recently I've realized my adopted mom, Bonnie Kennison, has this incredible ability to deal with difficulty with a smile. It is unmatched, we went to southern Utah and hiked Zions the subway which is repelling. And you're going through freezing cold water. And my mom is not this crazy unfit person. My dad loves to hike and he had told my mom about it and she was like, I just want to do it. And the whole time, even though she was sore, she was tired, she was cold, she had a smile on her face. And I think that's something that I've learned from her. I've tried to emulate that and I didn't really notice that until maybe a few months ago, even and 33 years. I've taken that from my adopted mom my birth mom's also a go through life with a smile on your face type person, but it's fun to see those similar areas and those common things between the two groups. I don't have any big eye opening talk to a psychologist about this meaning of something I've found. Yeah. Questions were just basically, who are you? Yeah. Where are you from? Like my dad. Michael Wallace, from families from Scotland. I did a DNA test back in the day and found that I'm mostly from the Ireland area. And I was born Craig Wallace. And then my foster mom named Devin. So, I digressed in my opinion, and then I was adopted to Matthew Kennison. So.
Nicole: I like Matthew.
Matthew: Yeah, I do. It means gift from God, which is what my adopted family. That's how they felt about me, because it truly was a gift for them. And I try to be try to be that gift now, but yeah.
Nicole: My husband is descended from Wallaces from Scotland too. So yeah.
Matthew: Oh really!
Nicole: Yeah, so maybe we're on the same. Well, not me, but you and my husband are on the same family tree then?
Matthew: Well, you're there too. Since you're married, so.
Nicole: I guess that's true. I am adopted in.
Matthew: Well, welcome to the Scottish tree.
Nicole: Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Matthew: Wear sunscreen
Nicole: I don't have that problem.
Matthew: OK, cool.
Nicole: My husband, however, yes.
Matthew: Yeah, he's a true Wallace then.
Jen: Well, Matt, I want to thank you so much for you coming and sharing your story with us. I I know it's going to touch those out there that need to hear your message and. I see that there is resiliency on the other side, if this is something that they're going through. So, thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate it. And I feel like the last, what is it? Almost 50 minutes, I feel like you're doing a great job of being a great person.
Nicole: You're doing it, you're doing it.
Matthew: Thank you. I'm trying. I have a wonderful mantra in life from Gordon B Hinckley of Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. And that is just I. It sounds so cheesy, but. Honestly, when you're going through life and there's just hard times, it's just, you know what? I'm still here. I'm meant to enjoy something, and it's been really good to get to know where I'm from to get to know those people and stuff. And the Denver Nuggets won the NBA Finals last year. I was able to reach out to my family and say I know none of you are basketball fans, but congratulations for your state and just still have that bond with knowing who they are and a little bit about them. So, it's been great and I'm grateful to them for it.
Jen: Well, thank you so much. And we want to thank our listeners for coming and listening today and taking some good little pieces of information. I want to remind you to be kind and patient with yourselves and we will see you back here next week.
Thank you for listening to the Parents Place podcast. If you would like to reach us, you can at parents@thefamilyplaceutah.org or you can reach Jen on Facebook. Jen Daly - the Family Place. Please check out our show notes for any additional information. Our website is TheFamilyPlaceUtah.org if you're interested in any of our upcoming virtual classes, we'd love to see you there
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